Self Hate Is A Tricky Little Beast

[Joseph King]

Thank you, everybody <3
I've been reading these over the past couple of days and your words have reall...

Hi St. Maybe,
I am new, but am trying to help other that apply to what I am going through.
Yes, it is exhausting.
Thanks and take care,
Joseph :)

 

[Joseph King]

Hi @St.Maybe
One of the things I am learning is just because I interpret...

Hi,
Thanks for the support. I am not looking for attention, but it is very nice to have people to talk to that understand more about these topics. My idea was to join this group to support others, and also ask for help when necessary.

It's like that picture of climbing the mountain of (PTSD), you're almost there and think you have made it. Then I slip down a ways.because I have had success with the grounding techniques, and positive/optimistic thinking. I am medically retired military, I am not working, but to stay busy, I have become a full time college student of Psychology, lol, yes Psychology. I think it will help me first and allow me to help others as well.

My goal is to become a counselor or therapist. When I wake up, I don't grab my cell phone. I go sit down and think about what I have that is positive in my life. I use mindfulness and take in all of the senses. It seems to help start the day well.

Little did I know I was going have an episode three days later and jump. I know this sounds weird, but I still wish I had been successful. I have called my doctor, and also asked my wife to not leave me alone in the house for at least 2 weeks. This is the beginning day of 60mg Cymbalta (duloxetine). I also take Klononpin (clonazepam 1mg during the day, and 2-4mg at night. I start with 2mg.

Thank you everyone,
Joseph :)

 

[Joseph King]

Well-I think of suicide. I dream of suicide. Eventually it calms down alittle....until it happens aga...

Me too. Hang in there.
Joseph :)

 

[Snowflake]

Hi,
Thanks for the support. I am not looking for attention, but it is very nice to have people to t...

I like what you are doing....psychology. I think that's an excellent choice. I work with foster children and their parents -trying to teach them to be better so their child or children can be returned home. I also work with parents on the edge of losing their children to foster care. I see a lot of drugs, neglect and other abuse. I do a good job-a lot of support is given to both child and adult. I think I do well because of my life. I think you will do well too. I am glad you told your wife what you needed. Good job! It's hard for us to say what we need. I could never tell my husband anything. He sucks with support.

 

[Joseph King]

Hi Snowflake,
Thank you. I get satisfaction from helping others, and now I have a focus and a reason. I just have to keep my head right side up. lol I have heard that survivors can make good counselors. I hope that is true.
Take care,
Joseph :)

 

[St.Maybe]

Sanity checks helped. I really do have amazing friends who just have a way of making me feel like I'm being treated with love and like I'm "normal" even if I feel about as unlovable and to-be-rejected as... well... nothing I can think of.

A few days ago (I didn't know until today because I was incommunicado) my friend committed suicide. He was a guy everybody loved, who made a point of making sure everyone knew he loved them... now everyone's ripped open reeling with this loss and wondering what happened. I guess the family is keeping it under wraps... no one knew him to be depressed or in terrible pain. He was a poet and always full-full-spilling with positive energy... he gave that to everyone, and it just blows my mind that so so few seem to know or have known. Still in shock that he could really be gone.

I'm just so sad... I'm fighting, but everything feels like lead and it's dark out here in the world. I'm trying to scrape up the energy to throw myself a solo dance party to shake off all the things that could bury me but my body shakes I feel so weak.

I hope you all are well. I wish I could just take all of your pain and leave you feeling light and healthy and at ease.

Take heart y'all.

xxReno

 

[pixel]

I wish I could just take all of your pain and leave you feeling light and healthy and at ease.

Exactly how we feel about you, honey :D