Seasounds
Diamond Member
Hi Solara, those negative thoughts and self-anger are pesky.
Self-pity, I've never liked the term myself. I feel it is a form of self-empathy that is appropriate, especially when someone knows the inside story.
I have experienced people use 'self-pity' when they mis-interpret my self-empathy and requests for support; instead they feel irritated (about my feelings, their helplessness to help me, or my sense of being a victim, who really knows why?), and their feeling out of control/angry.. Self-pity, in my culture has derogatory connotations, self-empathy does not.
Yes, self-anger I've dealt with, extensively. In the end, when I followed those self-hate voices to their origins, they came from my sick parents. Those thoughts are not descriptive of my true self. I am not to blame, for being a human being who always had good intentions, and who makes mistakes, while learning to be a good human being.
It took some breakthrough moments to discover that i am essentially a good person. It takes daily work to process and release the self-angry thoughts, and it takes daily work to remind myself that I can attach myself to self-loving thoughts. That where this forum is a major help; the support helps me change negative core beliefs into positive core beliefs.
I wish for you, if you wish this for yourself, that you find, that at your core, are a good human being.
And anger, a therapist taught me that, after I feel and express it, that i can let it act as a signal, that I am experiencing loss, and that I can let it act as a signal for me to activate self-loving thoughts, and create a new ways to meet my needs. It is a friend, in that way. Just an idea, that has helped me.
I intend to be helpful. Everyone discovers what works for them. Thank you for your thread!
Self-pity, I've never liked the term myself. I feel it is a form of self-empathy that is appropriate, especially when someone knows the inside story.
I have experienced people use 'self-pity' when they mis-interpret my self-empathy and requests for support; instead they feel irritated (about my feelings, their helplessness to help me, or my sense of being a victim, who really knows why?), and their feeling out of control/angry.. Self-pity, in my culture has derogatory connotations, self-empathy does not.
Yes, self-anger I've dealt with, extensively. In the end, when I followed those self-hate voices to their origins, they came from my sick parents. Those thoughts are not descriptive of my true self. I am not to blame, for being a human being who always had good intentions, and who makes mistakes, while learning to be a good human being.
It took some breakthrough moments to discover that i am essentially a good person. It takes daily work to process and release the self-angry thoughts, and it takes daily work to remind myself that I can attach myself to self-loving thoughts. That where this forum is a major help; the support helps me change negative core beliefs into positive core beliefs.
I wish for you, if you wish this for yourself, that you find, that at your core, are a good human being.
And anger, a therapist taught me that, after I feel and express it, that i can let it act as a signal, that I am experiencing loss, and that I can let it act as a signal for me to activate self-loving thoughts, and create a new ways to meet my needs. It is a friend, in that way. Just an idea, that has helped me.
I intend to be helpful. Everyone discovers what works for them. Thank you for your thread!
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