Ugghh.... went to the emergency room a few hours ago. I woke up feeling really crappy (physically ill) today and felt very anxious. This is fairly normal for me, so I tried to meditate and I took a half of xanax, took my dogs out for a long walk. However, I started feeling really bad...shaking, and in a total state of panic, I got in my car and drove to the nearest ER. Now that I've got myself into this addiction mess, it is even harder for me to tell what my body is feeling.... am I sick, in withdrawals, having a panic attack?? All I knew is that I needed someone at that moment and I was scared that I may have been overdosing from the vicodins I've been taking too many of.
After I told them about my using, they took me into triage and then into a room immediately where they started an IV, took blood and urine. I was there for about 4 hours and my blood tests came back normal...no liver damage, which I was very scared of because of all the acetometophen in the pills I take. The doctor, nurse and social worker were very understanding and did not judge me. I cried alot while I was there and shared my story of abuse. They gave me lots of information for places that I can follow up with for help.
Then I was discharged and drove myself home, feeling so lonely. I guess part of me wanted them to keep me there. Was it a cry for help? No one even knows I went to the ER besides whomever will be reading this on the forum. It makes me sad that I have no one who I feel safe with to turn to. My thoughts are so scattered right now. Don't even know what else to say. Its going to be another long sleepless night with my racing and restless mind.
