Self-Medicating With Alcohol

[Jestadud]

I'd never heard of self medication until after I started treatment and realised that I was drinking to reach a point where I could numb the senses yet wake the next morning knowing it was the drink that was that was making me feel bad instead of the big unknown.
My therapist made me keep a diary of what I was drinking and why I was drinking, it was quite an eye opener!
In my opinion self medicating with alcohol is a wild and uncontrolled thing which needs to be carefully watched.
I'm not against fun or alcohol but I do think it's bad when being used to hide something.

 

[Dylan]

Many thanks to everyone who participated in this thread.

I very much resonated with BluesNYC's words: "Only now am I finding means to share the same space as my soul. I don't want to push that away."

MacPayne, your statement that self-medicating being a sign that more medication/therapy - SUPPORT - is needed was a neon sign for me: I simply need more support. I express my distress by upping my self medication. Thank you.

I'm grateful that there's a willingness to discuss this. I suspect that there are many more of us here that are still self-medicating, so I appreciate the courage it takes to 'come out of the closet' about this issue, particularly if one is still struggling with it.

Thanks again to everyone,
Dylan

 

[Mommy to 2]

Thank You For Posting This Thread

Good Morning Dylan,

I was diagnosed with PTSD in February of this year. My PTSD stems from the molestation of my children. I only found this forum recently and am thankful for it. I have been a member of a 12-step program and have not had a drink or a drug that has not been prescribed to me since April 15th, 1996. My doctors all know this, so the only medications I have been given for my PTSD are anti-depressants.

I met my eHarmony husband in 2007 and we married on the 2nd anniversary of the day we met in February of 2009. One of the things we both insisted upon was a partner that did not drink alcohol or do drugs. He had never participated in a 12-step program, but had not had a drink of alcohol since the death of his girlfriend when he was in his 20's. She had been drinking heavily and drove into a canal and drown.

Since the birth of my children in 2002 and 2003, my attendance in the 12-step program meetings gradually lessened. With a more fulfilling life and motherly responsibilities, I found my dependence on the meetings lessening. I did not want my children to grow up in the "rooms of recovery". I had seen the effect that daily meetings had on other people's children and simply did not want that for my own. In my opinion, it is not a place for children...but there are many who would argue this with me.

I learned many valuable things in my years in the 12-step program. I know that the tools that I learned in the program have helped me to deal with the complexities of protecting my children to my best ability. There have been many times since my discovery that I would like to have a beer, just to escape, if only for a little while. But I know that I can not have "just one".

I stopped smoking cigarettes in 2001, before the conception of my son. I had quit smoking cigarettes before that, once for 3 years. I was stressed out one day and bummed a cigarette from someone. That was all it took for me to start again. Having one, I went to the store and bought a pack and within days I was back to my 2-pack-a-day habit. I learned from that experience, because I know now that if I went to get a beer to escape today, I'd get another...

I attend meetings occasionally now, only as a social outing to see old friends. Many there try to warn me of possible relapse because of not attending meetings any more. I understand, but the commonality that I shared with them all those years ago has subsided. I have "shared" in meetings my devastation about what has happened to my children and in doing so, have felt more isolated. No one wants to be faced that reality.

I still want to escape the turmoil in my mind and the complexities of fighting "Dick" in Court for my children's safety. The thing that stops me is the knowledge that the escape would be temporary, at best. My problems will still be there in the morning, as will everyone else's.

~Mommy to 2

 

[Hen]

Thank you for starting this post, I don't drink everyday (i did for a long while) and now i see a psychologist I am managing what I drink better. My brain won't shut of and i can't cope with the thoughts some days so as soon as I get home from work at least a bottle of wine is drunk as this is the only time my head shuts off. The down side is sometimes I go way overboard and I have so much supressed anger it gets taken (verbally) out on the wrong person, usually my husband. Stupid thing is I am a qualified drug and alcohol counsellor and criminologist and work in a job now that part of the time means I supervise addicts of all sorts on court orders and writing proposals for court and assessing people and their risk - but can't help myself!! I wish I knew how to shut the thoughts out better but for me alcohol is the only way with PTSD that works.

 

[Marine0311]

Only drink on Fridays and a little on Saturdays.... Drinking to self medicate sometimes is a good thing if you have physical pain like myself. It doesn't help depression though. If you drink and you get more depressed.. Stop and Stop now!

 

[louisa]

Hi Dylan,

I am sitting here in front of my computer with a glass, a bottle of wine, and a good supply of cigarettes getting drunk! So your post seems very relevant! Today is Saturday - and the last time I had a bottle of wine was Monday, so I suppose that isn't too bad, but I know that I too use alchol as a form of self-medication. I cannot socialise without getting totally sloshed first - which just doesn't work as I spend the whole time trying to behave as if I'm sober, which is very hard. I have no therapist and have refused medication from my G.P so at times I resort to using alcohol instead.

I think it's great that you have recognised the dangers and negative aspects of self medicating with alcohol so am wishing you good luck.

If u see this quick reply, could you tell me what medication you use and also what the side effects are? I would be interested to know as I have only had very negaative effects from prescription medication in the past when suffering from depression and before developing PTSD,

Best wishes,

Louisa

 

[Dylan]

I agree that alcohol unfortunately works very, very well for "fast, fast relief". I've described it as a brain Pepto-Bismol: coats, soothes, protects. :rolleyes:

Sometimes, when the distress has gone on too long with too little relief, I don't really care if the crap will be there tomorrow; I'll take any relief I can get, even if it's just a few hours. However, and thank god, when I work through enough of the crap, the threshold of need goes down and sometimes I can challenge that desire. The developer of the CBT-type method I use says (about using things like drinking): it's about being too UNcomfortable in some ways, but too comfortable in others. So she talks about making it EASIER to bear my emotions/stress/etc (doing the work and having emotional tools at hand) and make it more inconvenient (uncomfortable) to drink (e.g. make plans for the evening if I feel at risk).

I have only drank once in the last 10 days, so I'm pretty happy about that. I'd like to not drink at all for awhile and, if it turns out that that wiring doesn't correct, then stop entirely and just realize I'm not a person that can drink safely/normally on a consistent basis.

Louisa - I used Antabuse before to quit drinking; if a person drinks while on it they can get violently ill and have serious, even life-threatening, physical reactions. For me it worked since I wasn't physically addicted. When I knew I basically couldn't drink, I found other ways to deal with things. If alcohol is an option, it's harder for me. However, the other medications I have tried in reducing hypervigilance, etc. are Zoloft and Wellbutrin and they did work ok for me. I have a real problem with psychiatric medications, though, so if my symptoms aren't high, I go with naturopathic remedies (Zisyphus 18 is what my naturopath prescribes for anxiety, etc. and it actually does work for me - provided I'm not in a "spin". A "spin" actually requires the more powerful medications, such as Zoloft and Wellbutrin, as an intervention to the 'crisis looping' I get into. Actually, Seroquel worked better but, even on an extremely low dose, I became flat-line emotionally and my mental acuity was too greatly impacted to continue.).

Thanks again, everyone, for your posting. I'm not happy anyone struggles/struggled with this issue, but grateful that I'm not alone in confronting it.

-Dylan

 

[trapped]

After the 4th of July this year, I ended up going on a crazy binge drinking spree that lasted for a couple weeks... it was hard not to, especially when I have a friend that's a great bartender at this bar that's just a couple blocks from my therapist's office, and anytime I go I always get a ton of free booze... I'm thinking of moving relatively soon (within a few months) to Boston, and one of the good things about moving will be I will move away from this friend and won't have access to free alcohol as often. But, I'll be near Boston- where they make some of the best damn appletinis I've ever had.. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to handle that, I'm trying to figure all that out before I move.

I try to not keep alcohol in the house though, and that's pretty helpful... I tend to be way more careful when I go out for a drink, unless I'm around people I know well and feel safe getting shitfaced around. If I keep alcohol in my house though, I'll kill off 1-2 whole bottles of hard liquor all by myself in a single night. It does get hard to not drink though, since drinking seems to be the only way I can shut off my mind and not think.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Dylan -

I wanted to follow up with you. This weekend I drank 2 beers on Friday night. I felt great while drinking (no joke right?) but then Saturday I could already feel the depression coming on. I did not drink anymore at all since then - and the depression was not nearly as bad as it has been. I know it's hard (trust me - especially in social situations) - but for me at least - I'm through drinking for now. I would rather not join in as much or go home earlier than feel like I've been hit by a truck the next day. Drinking has not always effected me this way - so I have to think that it's because my PTSD symptoms are so heightened right now. Obviously (again for me) the two don't mix.

 

[licht]

I've recently realized that my drinking is again spiraling into the "dangerous" direction. I get lost as I try to find other options. I think I wait too long, until I'm too consumed by negative feelings or self hatred. I appreciate everyone being honest about this. I guess I'm still very much at the beginning of learning to effectively deal with my ptsd... Your success stories inspire me to try harder.

 

[midi]

I drank one lousy beer at a friend's going away party and it didn't take too long for depression and anxiety to set in. I decided that night that even one beer is too many. I'm sad to see the taste and feel of beer disappear, but my mental health is fragile, so I'm stepping away from even the odd one every now and then.