Self Mutilation

[cherryblossom]

You're not a freak - I'm struggling with self harm myself at the moment. I'm trying very hard not to beat myself up over this, perhaps you could try too?

 

[alixipain]

You both are not freaks, Its a nature we all know well, A freak is the ones that put those of us in the mind state that inflicting pain upon ourselves is a way to escape.

 

[fairydust]

Am trying Cherryblossom. Therapist says that I need to sooth myself much in the same way that a parent needs to sooth a distressed child. What she says is that the self harm (and the other self destructive behaviours) all reinforce the negative impact that the abuse has had on the way in which the brain functions. It makes sense, is just hard to follow through on in real life.

I have started to look at my young daughter sleeping when I awaken from a nightmare and sometimes that is enough for me to realise that hurting myself to stop the memory is just reinforcing the hurt that these people did.

Its sad in a way that I'm not a freak, I hate that there are other people out there that are feeling like this as well!

 

[alixipain]

I get down in comes suicidial thoughts, not just self harm but a strong will to be gone. Its hard to explain it to those I care about; its not meant to cause them pain or a search for empithy. Its just how my mind functions now. I know at least when it is time to go to the hospital. Its when I can vividly see myself mutilating others! When those thoughts come I have to take action for I have crossed a thershold that the self mutilation has been self denided to a point and the anger/rage still brews within.

 

[Lucycat]

I understand. Retrospectively the suicidal feelings seem so self centred. But that is exactly the problem, no-one else matters at all when you feel that low. How can they, it is almost as if others do not exist.

These ups and downs are so difficult, but I am so grateful to be able to read and write about it on here. Not something you can sit and discuss with your mates!

 

[Lucycat]

I have 'always' dug my fingernails into my hands really hard when I am feeling out of control. I don't draw blood but do leave marks and have to feel pain for it to work. I had never thought about this before, but my husband this week said it is self harm:(. I am sad because it is yet another difference between me and 'normal' people.

 

[cherryblossom]

Blimey - what is 'normal' anyway? Just remember we are all different, and all deal with things differently. I think feeling pain is a way to almost 'ground' ourselves when we feel out of control. And digging your fingernails into your skin isn't a 'bad' way to do it, because it leaves no lasting damage. Some people bight their fingernails particularly when stressed - is that self harm, or just a habit? I don't know, but what I would say is that if it does you no lasting damage and helps to 'ground you', then don't let it bother you. Perhaps you could try to be more mindful when you are doing it, and try some other way to ground yourself, but I wouldn't beat yourself up for it.:love:

 

[anthony]

I would say to people in general, ask yourself this simple question when in doubt: Am I over-analysing this? Am I creating another problem within my head, that isn't actually a problem?

 

[WonderingWhy]

BL,

I do that all the time! I never really thought of it that way (sh). It kind of is just a bad good! habit that helps keep me "here". I can't explain it. I have never mentioned it as I never thought of it as a "problem". :thinking: Hmmmm.

I figure it helps me, it doesn't cause any harm. I would call it more of a coping skill.:)

 

[alixipain]

Coping or grounding. I rub my hands when I'm not comfortable, when the stress gets to a certain uncontainable point I start to scratch at my skin but in a way to leave marks, just a way to hid my fidgiting does not help when you shake already.

 

[KAT]

I used to take pins and stick them in my legs when I was 15. I have also punched my self over and over. I have took my nails and raked them down my arms. No scars on my body that I can remember not due to falling a lot as a child. I do have a nail that's messed up but I can't remember how it happened. Now if I,m really stressed I'll just pinch the skin on my waist. It helps me focus. :)

 

[KAT]

Oh. I forgot I have at one time pulled out a few eyelashes. :)