Self Mutilation

[Leona]

I started dating someone two months ago. I really like this man, and it's going well so far. I have noticed, however, that my skin picking flared up at the same time we started dating. Interesting. I know it's all wrapped up in the sexuality piece, but I still don't know exactly how to pinpoint it. This man is VERY caring and warm, and non-threatening for me. He's older, and his libido isn't exactly in high gear, which works better for me. I'm still upset that this self-mutilation that had been almost gone for months started again. It's only been minor, but I'm trying to pull the reigns in on it before I get into that vicious cycle of picking, feeling bad, feeling bad about myself, therefore I pick more.

 

[KAT]

I wonder whats really causing these feeling to resurface. I only pinch myself when I start to get really stressed.Try not to feel bad about yourself,you are doing the best you can do. Remember to breathe, I do this: breathe peace in- breathe stress out. It kind of helps.:hug:Sort of a mediation thing.:)

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Leona - it sounds good that you have been dating - but not so good you are skin picking. perhaps you can find an alternate, that doesn't leave scars? I don't have any other solutions. I forget whether you are in therapy or not, but if you are, perhaps you could raise this issue?

 

[Leona]

Hi...I did tell my therapist. I know my skin picking is very deep-seeded. I haven't quite figured it out yet. I'm enjoying this new relationship, and we've have a few sexual experiences that were actually very nice. He's very loving and gentle. I think whenever I let someone else near my body, something in me kicks off this self-mutilation. Almost like I'm claiming my body as mine, since someone else touched it. That's the best I can figure this out for now. I don't want to backslide into picking up a storm again and having marks all over. It's pretty discouraging that it started up again almost simultaneously with dating. I can't really even call it "dating" because I'm being exclusive with this man. so, I think I officially have a boyfriend. He knows about my ptsd and is very supportive and has been reading up on it to try and learn more so he can be there for me when I have a rough day. I really think the way I feel safest is to have ZERO men in my life, and that's just too lonely for me. I am really glad I have this man in my life, but I wish it didn't trigger my compulsive habit. I just have to try and forgive myself and remind myself that I'm worth having clear skin and looking nice. I'm trying.

 

[Hlost]

I find for me it tends to be a chronic issue. It's hitting me again, ugh. I can go a long time and not have a problem but have a set of circumstances hit and then a relationship of some kind come up with a link to my abusers, well it's over before I have had a moment to catch up. I know it will get better with ongoing trauma therapy, knowing exactly when I start to dissociate, that has a lot to do with me mindlessly reacting, I am thinking, hoping.

I can really let people get to me and lately that's exactly what I'm doing :(

 

[Leona]

I think the key word you used is "dissociate". That's it in a nutshell. I dissociate when I pick my skin. Maybe the added relationship in my life taking away from my alone time is causing me to need more time to dissociate. I've been very present when I've been with my new boyfriend, and I think my tendency to dissociate when he's not there is stronger because it is actually somewhat exhausting for me to be present so much. Maybe that's what it is.