Self Worth

[pi314159]

Why does my self worth depend on love from my boyfriend?

We are breaking up and I am a mess. I know it's normal to get upset over a breakup but I don't know who I am without a relationship - I don't want to know.

I hate this - no problems in a relationship are as bad as the pain of not being in one.

I don't want another person to tell me "You need to be strong" "Being alone will be good for you" "You weren't happy in the relationship" - I don't care what's good for me - I want to be back in my relationship...I need to be loved and I need to be able to show him how much I love him,

Someone wave a magic wand and fix my relationship (or me). I don't want to go through self discovery, I want things back the way they were.

 

[jka37]

Girl, I'm so sorry about the pain...but maybe they are on to something?

Hang in there--don't lose heart. The pain of a breakup fades.

I know this doesn't feel right or seem fair, but hang in there.

 

[Srain]

(((((((((((((((PI)))))))))))))))

My heart is with you. I hate platitudes in the face of heart crushing pain :(.
You are hurting beyond words and I am so very sorry. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better.

I will tell that I am a woman that has always known I am not the type of person who has been meant to live this life without a partner, I love companionship, I just do! Better companionship than I've had, no doubt, duh!! I'm not stupid! But I get the feeling you may be the same. (I did the time by myself to get to know myself...ugh, rough, I'm not going to tell you to do that.)

Here's the deal. You DESERVE a nice person and I see no reason why you can't have him. You are hurting right now and it sucks royal, it's not fair! I'm so very sorry and I want it changed for you and I do see it changed for you.

Hang in there and take care of yourself,
peace,
Rain

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Codependent?

 

[Srain]

I think people can want to have relationships it not be "codependent" ...

 

[Loloma]

((((Sleepy))))

Sorry your relationship has ended and I understand that you want it back the way it was. I broke up with my partner and had a really bad time (felt suicidal) once reality hit and I wanted him back even though he didn't love me.

Time takes care of most things, and you will get over it and move on. Trying getting out and speaking to friends, don't isolate yourself.

One day you will meet a wonderful caring person, who will treat you right.

Hang in there, your not alone. :tdown:

 

[jka37]

Srain, you're right--relationships are a gift and the answer is not to be alone. We need each other, and that should not be ignored just because it could become codependent.

However, like all things in life, relationships can get out of balance.

Pi, hang in there...I hope you find the beauty of self-discovery, the beauty of who you are just in being you the way you were made. Going through this process will be so very painful, but probably deeply rewarding.

I am so sorry you have lost your loved one for now. Life wasn't meant to be this way.

 

[Mercy]

"Life wasn't meant to be this way." jka you are right. We humans need connections to other humans in all sorts of different ways. The loss of someone we love can be devastating for a long time.

I found it helped my grief when I made a list of the things we did together for fun. Those things can still be fun, when the sharp edge of missing him has dulled a little. The things you liked, long walks? ice cream cones?, reading?, playing music?are all still there and are part of who you are.

You don't have to runaway from yourself. It's OK not to not to want to do an in depth self discovery thing now. You emotion are probably too raw. Truthfully, eventually we all come face to face with the things which have diminished us. The only way out of the pit is to confront the lies you were told about who you are. The truth of who you really are will amaze you.

I understand wanting to be in a relationship. We are evolved to be close to people. If relationships become a way for you to run away from yourself, then who is it that is in the relationship? Just something to think about.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think people can want to have relationships it not be "codependent" ...

Oÿ. Perhaps, but the OP has no identity outside of a relationship. That is NOT healthy.

 

[Srain]

Oÿ. Perhaps, but the OP has no identity outside of a relationship. That is NOT healthy.

This thread is to SUPPORT, if you have issues with me, take them elsewhere.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Pi- It is so hard. I had a carer that hurt me and now I am afraid to be near people because i see they can really mess you up more.

I live an extraoridnary isolated existence. I am very sad, but no one is hitting me.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I was responding to the OP in my last reply. I simply said that her relationships don't sound healthy as she has no identity outside of them. Idk why Srain is taking it personally. Uhm, sweetheart, it wasn't about you...