Hi all
I've been reading the forum for a few days and I'm impressed with the quality of discussions and knowledge here - as well as your kindness.
I developed what is now Complex PTSD as a result of terrifying persistent crime whilst recovering from a serious illness (i.e. what is called disability hate crime here in the UK).
That sounds so simple but, as I look back, the real cause of the PTSD was that no one took it seriously and I was basically left to try and deal with all the horrors alone. I know I could have recovered with just a reasonable amount of help and support.
Before the serious illness and unstopped crime, I was a very functional, highly resilient lone parent but over the last 10 years my life has been destroyed bit by bit - it's like being the epicentre of a slow-mo train wreck...I can see it happening but, because of the extreme PTSD effects, I can't do anything to stop it.
It's not for the want of trying though. Nowadays, every single day is a battle to get through and it's exhausting in itself. (Reading some of the discussions here about whether or not people really have PTSD and the DSM5 criteria, I should say that the crime involved persistent and active psychological terrorism and £thousands in physical damage to my property over many years, de facto imprisonment because of constant fears of being attacked and my life was daily in jeopardy to some degree or other).
I am very scared of everyone now (except one amazing friend) and have zero trust in any of our 'services'. Although there are a lot of staff and police who do want to to the right thing, there are also many who just couldn't care less and who are incredibly callous. The abuse I've experienced from so many is shocking in itself. I think this is what's called 'secondary victimisation'. (I even had to take one therapist to court because of her appalling, drunken abuse, which was proven and I won the case, though not before the NHS denied it and tried to cover it up. One result is that, by making a valid complaint and winning a court case against against an NHS practitioner, you're more or less blackballed as a patient: I don't have a GP, for example, now).
In most ways, it seems like I'm existing in an isolated parallel world that runs alongside the world of the mass of people who are untouched by the toxic combination of serious illness and hate crime. Fortunately for them, they don't have to experience these services - and just cannot believe it when you tell them about the negligence and even abuse that their taxes pay for. I don't know, but is this a reason for why services are so bad? These people who run the services and the fortunate people just lack understanding and empathy?
To cut a long and horrifying history short, I also have some questions about quality of help/therapy for PTSD sufferers, especially in the UK. Is 12 weeks, once a year, long enough? Should there be specific services for PTSD sufferers instead of referrals to general counsellors who may or may not have any knowledge of PTSD? (One qualified and certificated counsellor I met with - and obviously quickly rejected - had not even heard of PTSD!!)
Also, my experience is that as a target of persistent crime and a casualty of medical negligence and abuse one is perversely blamed and shunned. Why? Why do people who think of themselves as decent, caring people in reality generally treat disadvantaged and poorly people with such contempt? That leads on to a question about whether you think your PTSD would not have developed if you'd been helped sooner or treated better when the triggering event first happened?
Perhaps you'd like to help me think about these questions if I start threads about them...?
Meanwhile, thank you all for being here. It's vile to know that so many people are similarly struggling though.
best wishes
Laura
I've been reading the forum for a few days and I'm impressed with the quality of discussions and knowledge here - as well as your kindness.
I developed what is now Complex PTSD as a result of terrifying persistent crime whilst recovering from a serious illness (i.e. what is called disability hate crime here in the UK).
That sounds so simple but, as I look back, the real cause of the PTSD was that no one took it seriously and I was basically left to try and deal with all the horrors alone. I know I could have recovered with just a reasonable amount of help and support.
Before the serious illness and unstopped crime, I was a very functional, highly resilient lone parent but over the last 10 years my life has been destroyed bit by bit - it's like being the epicentre of a slow-mo train wreck...I can see it happening but, because of the extreme PTSD effects, I can't do anything to stop it.
It's not for the want of trying though. Nowadays, every single day is a battle to get through and it's exhausting in itself. (Reading some of the discussions here about whether or not people really have PTSD and the DSM5 criteria, I should say that the crime involved persistent and active psychological terrorism and £thousands in physical damage to my property over many years, de facto imprisonment because of constant fears of being attacked and my life was daily in jeopardy to some degree or other).
I am very scared of everyone now (except one amazing friend) and have zero trust in any of our 'services'. Although there are a lot of staff and police who do want to to the right thing, there are also many who just couldn't care less and who are incredibly callous. The abuse I've experienced from so many is shocking in itself. I think this is what's called 'secondary victimisation'. (I even had to take one therapist to court because of her appalling, drunken abuse, which was proven and I won the case, though not before the NHS denied it and tried to cover it up. One result is that, by making a valid complaint and winning a court case against against an NHS practitioner, you're more or less blackballed as a patient: I don't have a GP, for example, now).
In most ways, it seems like I'm existing in an isolated parallel world that runs alongside the world of the mass of people who are untouched by the toxic combination of serious illness and hate crime. Fortunately for them, they don't have to experience these services - and just cannot believe it when you tell them about the negligence and even abuse that their taxes pay for. I don't know, but is this a reason for why services are so bad? These people who run the services and the fortunate people just lack understanding and empathy?
To cut a long and horrifying history short, I also have some questions about quality of help/therapy for PTSD sufferers, especially in the UK. Is 12 weeks, once a year, long enough? Should there be specific services for PTSD sufferers instead of referrals to general counsellors who may or may not have any knowledge of PTSD? (One qualified and certificated counsellor I met with - and obviously quickly rejected - had not even heard of PTSD!!)
Also, my experience is that as a target of persistent crime and a casualty of medical negligence and abuse one is perversely blamed and shunned. Why? Why do people who think of themselves as decent, caring people in reality generally treat disadvantaged and poorly people with such contempt? That leads on to a question about whether you think your PTSD would not have developed if you'd been helped sooner or treated better when the triggering event first happened?
Perhaps you'd like to help me think about these questions if I start threads about them...?
Meanwhile, thank you all for being here. It's vile to know that so many people are similarly struggling though.
best wishes
Laura
