Serious Verbal Altercation At Work

[whiteraven]

:hug: whiteraven

Thank you.

 

[The Albatross]

At difficult times I try to remind myself that "I did the best I could at that time". I have a pretty major situation ahead of us right now and I'm struggling some myself.

I hope that it goes better than anticipated for you. I think the IM message was out of bounds.

 

[whiteraven]

First meeting, with HR, to discuss the situation and how to handle it, was today and went better than I thought it would. Isn't that usually the case? I mean, you spend all this time anticipating how very awful things *might* be, and then they aren't. When I'm triggered, I have such a hard time staying present. I know *how* to, but I just can't. So many terrible things have happened, that I just can't *not* think that they might always happen again.

The second meeting, with the employee, is tomorrow. That one might get seriously ugly, but I'm less anxious about it. Because I know that *I* have support and *I* am backed by management.

 

[Justmehere]

Yes! Great job!!! I'm delighted that management is concerned as well and backing you up.

I'm hoping that tomorrow goes better than expected as well.

 

[GrayOwl]

Remember to stand firm and stand up for yourself.
It sounds like your subordinate is a bully and is playing games.
Part of that personality type requires that she take the offensive.
I don't mean to disturb you, just hopefully words of wisdom so you don't let down your guard.
With bullies, expect the unexpected. and that they are "always right", have to "win".
You have two witnesses, facts, and the truth on your side.
Even with an unrespectful manager, who may not support you fully, you have overwhelming evidence to support what you have done.
Don't back down. Be firm and stand up for what you believe in.
Not everything has to get resolved tomorrow, just stated clearly so all parties are aware clearly what is going on.
Your troublesome subordinate probably has a work history that indicates prior "issues" and problems. Ongoing discipline may very well be necessary. These types often have life issues that rarely allow them to fit in comfortably into any work environments.
It sounds like you are really good at what you do. Someone I'd be happy to work for.
I hope it goes well.

 

[GrayOwl]

And, yes, oftentimes I too project things will turn out much worse than they really do.
Today I try to go in to these situations and plan only my action, not the outcome.
When I leave that up to providence, it usually comes out better than I expect.

 

[Janet Q]

I am a part of the management team at work. Sort of "lower management." My own manager doesn't resp...

I worked for a company for 25 years and resigned 1.5 years ago and got nothing. I have PTSD from workplace bullying. If you can, get a secret recording device, like a pen which you can record these happenings BUT you must be present when the other person is committing verbal abuse or harassment. You can check with your local law enforcement to make sure you are following ALL privacy recording laws 1st. Most of the time, you will not be believed if it is a boss, so act quickly, you never know what the bully has already done to cover up, to make it look like the others did something wrong, and the bully will do anything to prove they were the victim.

 

[Janet Q]

It seems to me this person has not been telling the truth therefore cannot be trusted. She most likely has been blaming others by lying and with character assassination. Some people can be very manipulative and convincing. I waited and believed in good people but what I should have done was filed a grievance as soon as it happened. Do not assume others are telling the truth, sometimes you must go above your supervisor to get results because the person causing the problem is always steps ahead of the targets (victims). I let things go, was kind, tried to set a good example while behind my back rumors destroyed my reputation within my company and when I did figure out what was going on (I was being blamed and accused) and reported it then it was too late. Take steps to protect yourselves because that other person has already taken steps to protect themselves which is to most likely make others appear to be in the wrong and make it look like they are the target and the one being bullied. I know same situation happened to me. Get proof! Record it on your phone if you can.

 

[whiteraven]

And, yes, oftentimes I too project things will turn out much worse than they really do.
Today I try to...

Thank you, GrayOwl. Things today went pretty well. I still have some things about work generally I need to process (and want to post about later), but this situation, I think, is now resolved for the time being. I feel good that I was able to stand up for myself and stay strong. I'm not always able to do that. But part of that is because I just feel so done with everything and everyone. Anyway, it worked. :)

 

[GrayOwl]

Thank you for the good news.
Personal growth is always good news.
G'day!

 

[Freedomfighter]

I am a part of the management team at work. Sort of "lower management." My own manager doesn't resp...

Since you are managing people it will be expected of you to lead them. With an employee like that it would be impossible.
Do you live in a state where it is legal to video tape others during meetings or altercations?

That would be your one way of documentation that she can not deny.

 

[whiteraven]

Since you are managing people it will be expected of you to lead them. With an employee like tha...

I'm actually not sure about that. Since we met with her, there have been no further problems in the way of aggressive behavior. She's been a little annoying, because now she's super paranoid that she's going to be fired, so she apologizes for everything.

I'll be so glad when I can get out of there.