Service dog handler lobby

[Justmehere]

Hoping for a speedy recovery for Nestle @littleoc!

Fellow service dog teams.... I need some feedback.

I emailed a very new church plant (ie a tiny start up church) about their claim to be so welcoming of diversity. I asked if that included people with disabilities and what they did to be inclusive....

They said they had no nurses on staff and thus not equipped to welcome people with disabilities. Ugh. We had a good dialogue about it and I was able to educate them and provide lots of materials. I ended up going to one of their tiny services. I didn’t notice any cameras.

They have a lot to learn about disabilities in general and service dogs, but to their credit, they are willing to learn. I actually had to explain to the lead pastor, “when I say don’t distract her that means don’t call her name or whistle at her like you are now, yeah, really, don’t do that, she’s working...”.

Their heart is in the right place, but they have so much to learn to get up to speed with 2018. Weird for a church claiming they are all about diversity? I don’t know.

Here’s the problem:

I didn’t see the camera. I didn’t know they were taking photos of the tiny group of people at one of their first services. They said they were not even “publically launched yet.”

They took a picture of my dog lying next to my feet, eyes on me. My leg is in the picture. Not my face. But this photo is one of 3-4 photos now being used to help promote the church.

The picture was taken 2 week ago and I didn’t know. I just saw it tonight after Facebook friending the pastor....

My heart is beating fast. Reading the comments about my “precious” service dog from people in other states... and “oh you must be doing great reaching the city...” in response to just the photo of my service dog (and my leg.)

It’s by far the most liked photo. But I don’t like this.

I’m dealing with another org where they use people with disabilities in promotional materials to saw “look how great and inclusive we are” and then yet in practice, they are sh*t at handling people with disabilities and regularly violate their civil rights. So I’m sensitive to this. A wee bit

I don’t want my disability to be someone’s promotion about how great they are to people. At least in the secular org that’s screwing up on this they seek permission for taking photos first.

This pastor has posted photos of other people, and my dog is super cute. It was a public space and right now it’s only on Facebook. But. No faces show up, just backs of people and my dog, and my leg.

I don’t like this.

Thoughts? Would this bother you?

ETA: I wrote him and asked why he posted it without my knowing. The dog is cute, no doubt, and is medical equipment and should be treated as such. My permission should have been asked before medical equipment for my disability became promo material for his org. I’m not sure he’ll respond, but I hope he thinks twice in the future. I told him that if his org was not a church but a secular nonprofit, the way he has handled my disability would have gone against several city regulations and ordinances on diversity and inclusion.

If they really want to be all about diversity and love, they should do at least as well as secular organizations do on being respectful and inclusive and it’s time to learn what that means. “I don’t want to come back because now I’d be very worried my medical condition will be the focus of promo materials again without my even knowing. I’m actually a full person. Not just a dog. Or a disability. I shouldn’t have to tell you that this many times. If you can’t ignore the dog at least ask me before you use her to advertise on diversity. Think and get informed before you keep doing these things. This isn’t cool to treat me me this way.”

Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill....

 

[littleoc]

Hoping for a speedy recovery for Nestle @littleoc!

Fellow service dog teams.......

Thank you!!

And yes, that would bother me. And at the same time, make me feel happy to help...? Since they’re trying? But also, they didn’t even ask. That’s a bit rude. Yet, I doubt people would remember it THAT well...?

I’ve gotten used to people in my area stopping to ask if they can get a picture of Nestle. I’ve gotten okay with it, since being allowed to admire her made it easier to get support from people and also to teach people how to be around a service dog (doesn’t mean they all listened, and she’s unfortunately really pretty so it makes people much more interested in trying to pet her, but they don’t mean any harm).

The University I attended actually had me sign something in 2013 saying that I agreed to have photos taken of me for any reason. Almost made me want to backtrack right out, until I found out that, weirdly, that’s pretty normal... so I got used to it.

However, I did approach staff and request that I not be made into some kind of token disabled person or a commodity. Because I am neither of those. It was only a problem once, when a brand new current-student-tour-guide pointed out my dog to tourists and told them that I might have depression. I raised a lot of noise about that because it was incredibly inappropriate and offensive.

So... long story short, it is troubling, because of how you’re viewing it, but I don’t necessarily think you’re viewing it wrong. I think it’s rude that they didn’t ask you first and might be making a commodity out of you for promotional reasons.

On the other hand, I’ve had that happen for similar reasons and ended up benefiting from it... so I guess it depends on how you feel about it. But I think you’re in the right to be uncomfortable.

 

[Justmehere]

Yeah, people take photos of my dog all the time, only sometimes asking. I don’t much care most of the time. All the forms I get at various places to sign to take photos of me? I hardly ever sign them if it’s a place I know I will be at with my dog. I don’t want to be their token sign of diversity. I’ve signed a few times and been in some promotional materials and it’s been ok, but it’s been my choice for an org I really support. This one? I don’t support them. I was just trying to dialogue and check them out.

It’s weird this org went from point blank telling me they don’t include people with disabilities to hey world look how great we are someone brought a service dog. Like uh. Can we have a little truth in advertising?

If they had just asked and given me the choice, I may have said yes. Ok, so I probably wouldn’t.

If they had done a moderate job in not being idiots about disability, I wouldn’t care. Whatever. It’s just one photo of a cute dog.

I guess I’m realizing how much I don’t want my dog or my name associated with an org that says point blank that they don’t include people with disabilities and I had to work as hard as I did to educate them a tiny bit. I don’t support where they are at in this, and I don’t want to be seen in photos supporting them.

And seeing the edge of my skirt and my leg... ugh. I mean. Just ugh. It wasn’t creepy but like ugh.

 

[littleoc]

It’s weird this org went from point blank telling me they don’t include people with disabilities to hey world look how great we are someone brought a service dog. Like uh. Can we have a little truth in advertising?

I wonder if you should just tell them this? Or would that be too forward? Because I think you make an amazing point.

 

[Justmehere]

So. I had to explain that it was like they told me asthmatics not welcome here, and asthmatic came anyhow, and they took a photo of the asthmatics inhaler without asking, and said look how great we are! Give us money.

That’s weird.

They said good point and took the photo down. Yeah. Thanks.

They said they would be more thoughtful in the future. Cool.

They then said I had a clear passion for people with disabilities. They went on and on about this. They said I’m quite the activist.

A request to be included and holding boundary to not be used makes me an activist.

I told them, “No. Not really. I just don’t like to be a token. Ya know that’s like saying to someone who says don’t hit me, gosh you have such a passion for all people who are being hit. No. I kinda just don’t want to hurt. Let’s not turn this into a thing any more than it is.”

I was being stupid at that point.

I just don’t have time for this. Ugh. Sometimes I hate having a service dog. I hate how the world handles it. I just want to disappear. Love the fog. Hate the visibility. :(

 

[Strangelongtrip]

@Justmehere I’m glad they took it down, that was a good metaphor about the inhaler. It would have bothered me too.

 

[littleoc]

I’m glad they took it down too.

I think we all know how you feel. :(

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks @littleoc and @Strangelongtrip. I am glad it's down too.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Would this bother you?

Totally. Especially if I knew they weren't cool with disabilities and service dogs and such. I'd ask them to crop me and my servicr dog out of the photo. I think that would be your right, right? Even if its just your leg, its still you and your service dog.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I wanted to post this here instead of my diary as this is pretty huge. I wanted more people to read it then may from my diary.

My brain has always made 101 "exit plans" I call them, in public. At least the places I could get myself to go out of necessitity. Where will I go if this person comes for me. Where will I go if that person comes for me. Times all the people in the space. Changing as mine and their movements changed. It was automatic. I couldn't stop it or control it. It just was. And it alone stopped me from going to more public areas and forced me into isolation even more. It's exhausting.

Anyway, the last time Chopper hurt himself (pulled a muscle about 6 or 8 months ago) I didn't notice a change. It was harder without him but about the same as before a service dog. Well, he's hurt again. Not badly. I took him back over to the tennis court at the apartment complex next door to do off leash heel work during daily exercise. I didnt bring his boots with me but I hadn't been there with him in over a year. Maybe a year and a half. If wasn't too hot or anything. They repainted it. It looked like flat paint so I didn't think the question it. Had no clue he had sections of skin hanging off the bottom of his paws until I got home. My moderator on my youtube, in a private chat, said she thought it was fine in the video too so it was an honest human mistake, but that she bet they painted it with abrasive paint. So, each time he ran to get the tug and slid to a stop on his feet, it was like he was on sandpaper. Poor guy! He did so well at following commands considering his feet were hurting (more and more as time went on) and I had no idea.

Anyway, he's feet look a lot better (this was on Mon so 2 days ago) but I went to Walgreens last night to get some Epsom Salt, some neopsorin pain relief, and stuff like that and I looked like a crack addict. For real. From a used to be crack addict. I was using the cart as a stand in Chopper, going around it weirdly keep it between me and people. Stomping my feet, moving my hands weirdly. It was nuts. It was a sight for sure. And I was telling myself, this is 10 times harder then before a service dog. Why? And then it hit me. In this year and a half of having a service dog and using a service dog. Learning to become a team and become as one. Learning to have these voice-less conversations with him. Watching him and only him to alert to me people around a corner or coming up behind me. Trusting him. As he also is doing things I need without me asking it of him. Doing what I need without me know that's what I need. Having him to lower the anxiety be it a task like DPT or just rubbing my knuckles on his head quickly while he's in cover to help lower anxiety. Alerting me that I need to step to a quiet corner and take a breath with him there. And more. My mind, on it's own, over time as I trusted him more and more, completely stop making these exit plans. So, now there's no "back up" so now its a millon times harder without him. All from just using a service dog for a year and a half. Not counting any addtl therapies I still do. Just using a service dog.

Someone would say, wait, isn't that a step back. No. It's a large step foward. One my therapist was estatic about today. It may seem like a step back but my therapist said that my brain is relearning how to be in this world and still feel safe. Exit plans are maladaptive. They aren't good. They are exhauating and at the end of the day truely hold you back. They alone put me into more of an isolation. 8 years of therapy and I couldn't seem to stop or control these exit plans. A year and a half with a service dog and they are gone and there is no forcing them back. But, that's a good thing. A great thing. So, when one asks "is there really any benefit to using a service dog for PTSD?" Yes. Beyond the instant symptom relief that happen, there are bigger things and perm bigger great things that can happen due to using a service dog for PTSD.

I'm not trying to encourage people that don't need a service dog to get one. More just trying to explain to those that don't understand what benefits there is from a service dog for PTSD beyind symptom relief. This is one. One that CBT or any other therapy couldn't touch.

Now, I'm not trying to say a therapy can't stop these exit plans. I am sure they can. I am only saying I couldn't seem to stop them with any therapy other then a service dog. I really don't want a back and forth here. Just more sharing a huge step foward that has happened for me due to using a service dog for PTSD in a space about service dogs for PTSD.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

I feel like I've been posting in here a lot so I'm sorry for all the notifications lol. Today I took Korra to Target specifically for training. Usually when we do PA training I have maybe three to five "emergency" treats that I'll give her maybe at the end of a successful outing or if she's unsure about something (which is pretty rare recently). I use praise because she gets WAY over excited about treats. She's like gimme gimme gimme I do a thing I get a treat I am smart I do the thing lol. Today I brought my whole treat pouch because last outing she forgot to heel and thought we'd be working on that.

Her heel was great from the minute we stepped out of the car, I have a hands free leash and so was just walking her hands free. She ignored distractions so well. She just got a haircut and had bows in her hair and looks so adorable and so many people said omg cute doggie haha. So I decided it was time to do task training in public. We'd done it before but she wasn't totally focused so I didn't push it. She'd been tasking in public on her own and generalizing tasks but I wanted to cement some of the ones she hadn't done in public yet, especially our new one dissociation disruption. She was doing so well, quick as a whip, not grumbling either which she's done sometimes but was mainly out of, I worried she'd grumble here because it was new but nope! Doing well, responding even faster than she does at home.

We were in an aisle training tasks and a woman stopped and said I love service dogs, I'm looking into getting one! Is she training? And I said yep we're training. I kind of zoned out during the conversation but I know she told me she was looking into an ESA for her PTSD and panic attacks and she was wondering what kind of certification they needed. I was a little stressed and I think Korra picked up on it on top of her wanting treats. I went as far to say no certification, just training, and said Korra stopped panic attacks. I think I said her kid could pet Korra but Korra was hyper focused on me and I should have said no but I felt bad and I sort of zoned out trying to talk to this lady and train Korra. Korra nudges me which I ignore, she whines, then BARKS and jumps and puts her paws on my arms to bring me down to do DPT. I think she was just like um excuse me I do a thing I get a treat. I was mortified lol, she barked again when I didn't get down and I said I'm sorry I have to focus on our training. The lady understood completely and I even tried to find her when we were done training so I could educate her but couldn't find her. It reminded me of why I stopped using treat pouches in the first place, I feel really stupid to be honest. I had half a breakdown in my car on the way back and Korra kept licking my ear to calm me down.

I should have just said we were training here's an ADA card but I have such trouble setting boundaries. I feel bad because it put a little dark spot on our training session that was going so well. My physical health hasn't been the best recently either, I had to have a heart monitor put on today bc I'm having symptoms of POTS as well as MCAS and multiple joint subluxations (possibly EDS, possibly something else). I'm in a lot of pain a majority of my day but I wanted to help the lady :(. I only had an hour to train. Ugh, I feel so dumb lol. I also just wish I could train somewhere without people sometimes lol. I did have a lot of nice people talk about not to me but to who they were with including young children and their siblings that the dog was adorable but you have to ignore it because it's a service dog.

 

[Justmehere]

Here’s the thing about public access training: it’s about 40% training the dog, 20% training the public, and 40% training ourselves. It takes time to learn to know what to say and do and when...
and all things considered, you did great!

You are not stupid at all. You tried to help. She’s also not without resources. If she is savvy enough to be able to have the skill set to train a service dog, she would be able to have the ability to gain the info in other ways that frankly would be better. I usually tell people who seem legit, to google “owner trainer service dogs for more info than I am able to provide right now.”

Over time, you’ll be able to rest more and more in that “no, I can’t help with that” is a perfectly ok answer too.

I hope the heart eval goes well. I have EDS myself, and enduring the joint subluxing and MCAS/POTS combo can be super draining. I hope things get better and you figure out answers soon!