Sessions And Spice

[willis williams]

Koala, hows the baby crying doing you. For in the when I would sleep my baby wake as they do the bed was in my room I would bolt up just freaked out rush to the baby almost like I thaught he was on fire. This was bad because with a new born I wasn't being very gentle almost like I was saving him. I think this is because of the insedents involving children and the one pregnant woman that got hit while I was in somalia. Still with my so being 19 months if he won't go to bed and has a screaming fit I know he has to learn to lay down but the screaming I have to leave the house it drives me crazy thankfully he doesn't do it very often. It is not just babies that trigger this I can't stand for anyone to scream in that way. I did the same thing with the denial of the severity of my PTSD until some really bad reprocusions happened in my life. I would tell dr. after dr. I didn't need meds I was fine. The weired thing for me is the symtems increased even though the traumas had stopped barr the occasional severe car reck I would come upon or I was in. I gave up firefighting because of the stimuli only did it for a year but man did I see some ugly stuff because in my district we had to respond to all the traffic accidents. This was years ago I miss the wildland fire where it was me against the fire but hated house fires and car recks. Guess I'm just writing garble now. TEX

 

[Koala]

Funny you should mention that Tex..

Baby crying gets on my nerves a little, but what really got on top of me was that my safe haven had been breached. As in I feel safe at home, when the inlaws moved in it was too busy and I did not feel safe..

On Tuesday, my 19 month old woke up and I did that same thing. Practically ran in the daze of sleep and on the way smashed my left middle toe on the baby gate. Purple within the hour and today the bruising is past my toes working up my foot but I just kept on going as if nothing happened. Got to my girl and picked her up and put her in bed with me, thinking man something really hurts down there... I put it down to good meds.. But on further thinking over the last ten years I have cut myself (dripping blood) either working on the bike or doing something stupid and have not noticed until somebody points it out. Then I look at the wound and go, how the hell did I do that and how the hell did I not feel it.

Tex, dude!!
You have done some seriously awesome shit for your country and should hold your head up with pride.
Soldier or is it Marine
Fireman
SES (State Emergency Service) as we call it in Aus.. refering to your traffic accident stint.

Koala

 

[willis williams]

Thankyou Koala, tobad it all was short lived big asperations but never followed through. I always wanted to help people to make myself feel better just like going half way through nursing shool and letting my divorce redirect me and I only got about a year left to start back up or I have to redo a lot of my core coarses like the anatomy end physiology classes. Yep I was always like a one hit wounder a year or two is about all things lasted my longist job to date was two years seven months. The ses as you say was a compairison to the training I had in the army while serving as a sapper before I deployed. But firefighter yes for a little over two years while in nursing school during the academic portion. I look back and I've have pissed away more opertunities than I ever should have gotten. The firefighter stuff ended none to soon because I did not know why I was getting weaker at stairs and mountains I got COPD,mild infazema, and asthma from the house fires and wild land fires you get a lot of damage breathing all that smoke and carsinagins. So good intentions but no follow through.But I've kept the years since I got out of the army busy. I think I have had an interesting life but until I learned more about the PTSD I never understood why I give up so easy even in the divorce I got screwed out of just about everything cause I didn't want to fight and quit to easy. So far I guess I haven't found my calling so I will stick to it. Later Mate, TEX