Sex and ptsd

[Deleted member 47099]

@somerandomguy wouldn't this be a good topic to start one of the new "groups" on? Then you can decide who you invite and whose input you trust?
Might yield better results?
:hug:

 

[somerandomguy]

@Sophy: I think Groups are more for common interests or characteristics, like Supporters. I don't think I'd start a Sex Group (sounds fun though) but maybe someone else would.

I'm not sure if thread banning is still a thing after the upgrade, but if it is, in theory I could have threadbanned some people here. I am NOT interested in doing that at all. I may think people's opinions are wrong (or actually repugnant) but I still think people should be able to express themselves.

 

[EveHarrington]

I can tell you've been badly hurt by men.

You are making assumptions about my history. My history has never been posted here on this site. Why is it that it’s ok for you to make assumptions about me but you flip out when you assume I do the same to you. (I’m not, as everyone here has ignored my “if this doesn’t apply to you” line and thinks I’m saying things I am not.)

The fact is that I still have met some great men who respect women.

Please re-read what I said about ignoring if what I say doesn’t apply to you. This line in and of itself means I’m not generalizing ALL men.

I really wish people would read.

I have said as much in two separate posts, in two different ways, but people are so interested in wanting to be stereotyped that my actual words are being ignored.

 

[somerandomguy]

"Ignore this if this doesn't apply to you" doesn't apply when you generalize ALL of the members of the group you're talking about.

 

[EveHarrington]

The truth is you have no f*cking idea if this is true or not. I lost count when I was 11, but it's well over 30- you?


Not truth- being female doesn't make you special like this in any way shape or form. And my experience shows that women are way more creative and sadistic than men when it comes to abuse. For men, it's power -but for women is shear f*cking entertainment. I don't wander around this forum, though thinking every female is as disturbed as my abusers were or acting like the end all be all of everything sex/relationship wise. And i don't, (and i havent seen anyone else on here) wander around spewing hatred of females and cutting them down every opportunity I can get. Generalizing their irrational over dramatic behaviours on all females i meet or believing my experiences with the shittiest ones to be true of most women.


I'm not offended by what you say. I'm offended by HOW you say it.
A little recognition that you are replying to people who have PTSD and sensistivity to that would go a long way.
Have a little respect for yourself and for others- that's all.

I’ve never been known to sugar coat anything. If you don’t like what I have to say, then please ignore me. I’ve got a very long ignore list because I don’t like what others say, and I know on the flip side I am on many other peoples ignore lists. It’s just a function of being on a forum and not being able to get along with everyone, the same kind of dynamic that exists in real life.

...doesn't apply when you generalize ALL of the members of the group you're talking about.

Ok so now you’re twisting my words and meaning. I think you WANT people to generalize men so that you can fight them.

I’ve seen you “correct” what others say all over the forum.

 

[somerandomguy]

Eve, I think you like it when people put you on ignore. Very well, you got your wish.

 

[digger]

A general reminder that the ignore function is available for anyone to use if you're struggling with another members posting style, opinions etc

Please get back to thread topic now and leave the personal jabs out of it. Thanks.

 

[Mach123]

I mean, IDK what to say now except I'm sorry that the whole thing degenerated into everyone fighting. The question I guess is are the generalizations true? There is another thread I can't find about basically the same thing, SRG and I took the position that "men suffer this too." I don't remember I said the article was "sexist." @anthony and @Friday provided a bunch of statistics that proved their side of the point but here it is. Things don't have to add up in a PC world. I'll give you one example.

About 25 years ago before any of this started my wife and I saw a little blurb in our local paper about how the state troopers in NJ got in trouble for being "racist" for stopping "predominantly young black males between the ages of x and y." Why were they doing that? Because the statistics showed that that group was the most likely to be the perps they were looking for. Do you know what happened? They said it was racist and made them stop.

Now you're going to say "that's not a good example or we're not talking about the same thing," but I think we are. Do the statistics I just mentioned mean "all young blacks are criminals?" No. Do the statistics show that "all men are jerks about women and just want sex?" No. They do however, show something.

 

[Friday]

Please get back to thread topic

@Mach123 If you’d like to start a new thread, you’re both encouraged & welcome to... the topic of this thread is Sex & PTSD.

 

[piratelady]

Every other time it's women approaching me and it fulfilled the 'need to be punished' aspect of my life i was raised with.

I went through a phase like that where I used sex as a way to punish myself. It was almost like I wanted to be degraded, hurt, like I deserved it. The thing was, when it happened, I didn't feel better, I even felt worse about myself which just perpetuated the cycle. Honestly, and I never made the connection until now- I think I was trying to punish myself because I blamed myself for csa, then the sexual punishment I inflicted on myself just made me feel even worse - until I attempted suicide.

This is exactly it for me. Besides the risk of being triggered/ re-traumatized though i think a lot of it, well some of it, comes down to trust

Then there is the opposite end of the spectrum. Trust. Really, in a healthy sexual relationship you have to have a large amount of trust. I mean, you are so incredibly vulnerable. That is something that can be terrifying to those of us who have experienced sexual abuse. I thought I had achieved this, but really, to really trust someone, I mean fully - is a great feat! I do hope we achieve it someday, can you imagine what a great experience it must be?

 

[Deleted member 487]

I was talking with my case manager, and I spouted off some crap about the crap I have to deal with. I'm always in trouble, even if I do nothing wrong. I'm always to blame. I'm always the one getting punished. As I told her, "All this bullshit going on, all this f"ing I'm getting, and I'm still don't get laid! What's wrong with this picture?" Well, it's hard for me to keep a straight face sometimes, and that was one of those times, because she got a kick out of it. She understands, which is good, however, it's still very real and humor doesn't make it any better.

 

[ImSad]

I have a lot of issues with sex, and it’s only been recently that I’ve begun to notice the extent of these issues and how they’re connected to my trauma. My sexual assault was my first sexual experience and my body reacted in ways I did not want it to. In my mind I know that sex isn’t dirty, that it should be liberating and freeing. But there’s something there that has me feeling ashamed or embarrassed when sex starts to feel good. Another thing is I’m not good at initiating sex. Even when I really really want it, it’s like i’m always waiting for the other person to make the first moves. This has caused a lot of problems in relationships. My sex drive also fluctuates between absolutely nothing to hyper sexual which has also caused a lot of problems in my current relationship — although that bit could be due in part to the bipolar disorder.

I haven’t really worked through much of my sexual trauma in therapy yet. I’ve been with this current t for about 6 months, and it’s not something I’ve talked with previous t’s about. I have a lot of shame and weird feelings around sex so it’s hard to talk about in therapy. But something that impacts my sex life a lot is the body memories/flashbacks. Sometimes my partner will try to initiate sex and just the feel of a hand on my thigh or butt will send me into a frozen state of panic. What’s worse is I feel guilty about having these flashbacks and issues surrounding sex, because I know my partner gets insecure and thinks that I just don’t want anything to do with them sexually, even though I’ve tried to explain that that’s not the case and I’ve just got all these f*cked up issues due to past traumas. Bleh.