Sexual Abuse And Arousal - Help

[Dobo]

What am I going to do? What did you all do.... I wish I could see the end of this, but I am SCARED to go through it. Therapy is tremendously hard right now, and I really wanted to take a break from dealing with the trauma for just a little while. I'm trying to focus on grounding and working on some practical, stabilizing issues right now.

I'm sorry for how bad this is.

Have you talked with your therapist about strategies for this? Not to talk it all through again, but only to say what you've said in your post about needing ways of coping? In with the practical, stabilizing things can your therapist help with any you can do for this particularly?

I can say the strategies that helped me but I don't want to cross with where you are in therapy or you needing so badly to calm this down. Worried I might say something wrong for the place you're at.

"Ireta"

 

[Elito]

Hi, thanks for answering Ireta. It's Fepa, etc. again. I would love to hear strategies you used. I feel a little stuck, I've been telling her I want to work on current day stuff more than trauma stuff for a little bit, to get a break, but yeah, the intrusive thoughts around sex are still very hard to deal with. She gave me some stories to listen to at bedtime, to help bed be more relaxing, and I'm glad for those, but... it doesn't directly address the arousal problem. I don't want to give up on enjoying sex indefinitely, it's not.... easy, um, for me. But.... getting off with any of these intrusive images in my head.... that's depressing too, awful.

I'm not quite sure what I'd say to her... I guess I could bring it up as part of the focus on improving my sleeping... that one of the things that bothers me is intrusive thoughts during sex that makes it very hard to feel comfortable or relaxed in my own bed, but I'm super scared she wouldn't know what to say to that, or it would be too explicit. Not that I wasn't already very clear with her, but... I'm having a tough time these days, feeling overwhelmed, trying to settle and find some peace, sigh.

Anyhow, I would like to hear anything you have to offer, really!

 

[Ijo]

I try to tell myself that if I let the bad memories rob me of sexual pleasure now, then the abuse hasn't ended. I refuse to give my abuser power over me ever again. My body is my own. I now allow myself to be aroused and even enjoy it regardless of any thoughts that try to steal the pleasure away from me. It's almost like I am saying "f-you" to the memories. I will allow myself to enjoy my own body, even if the memories are what arouse me.... I remind myself that the memories are just trying to ruin it for me, and I won't let them hurt me anymore!
When I take on this attitude, I find I am able to achieve orgasm, and I feel like I've won over the memories.

I don't know if this would be something a therapist would recommend, so I'm not suggesting that anyone try this, However, I can say it helps me feel less ashamed and more in control of things.

 

[Jokoco]

Fepa, it's Ireta. Sorry I haven''t responded, but wanted to let you know that's about me and not you. Going through some really hard stuff at the moment (a different issue to this) and a bit wiped out by it. I'm going to respond soon, not sure how much help I can be anyway, but wanted to let you know I read what you wrote and I'm sorry, genuinely, for how awful this is.

 

[Logu]

Ireta, that's so thoughtful of you. I'm very sorry you're struggling. I appreciate you following up. I've been trying to have a positive attitude about the pleasure in my sexual response. I figure... I hate the imagery and the man who caused it, but.... I shouldn't hate sex because of him, and... I'm just doing my best with it. Sometimes, it's too overwhelming to deal with, sometimes.... I have a glimpse of the day when evil thoughts like these will just flit through my head instead of being grounded there, immovable. Sigh. It's a mess, but... I'm trying to be optimistic. :)

 

[Lirisi]

Really struggling with this again. :cry:

 

[Huluti]

Sometimes, I imagine his hands on me, inside me... it's like seeing a horror movie but being aroused by it. (Other times I have what feels like flashbacks of going down on him, terrible terrible terrible, as a child, but haven't had these so much lately.) I've tried to just.... accept my thoughts so that I hope I'll be increasingly able to just let them flit through, have less impact, stop that avoidance impulse that is a key PTSD symptom, and normalize it so that I am not freaked out and can go back to my regular more pleasurable fantasies. It's not easy. I feel there's like some psychic energy tied up in me, and I hope to god to exorcise it.

 

[Fekizu]

I just want to get over this!!!!!!!!!! I'm too tired, stressed, just in too awful of a mental place right now to deal with this. I don't want to feel like I'm being molested every goddamn time I feel aroused. What am I going to do? What did you all do.... I wish I could see the end of this, but I am SCARED to go through it. Therapy is tremendously hard right now, and I really wanted to take a break from dealing with the trauma for just a little while. I'm trying to focus on grounding and working on some practical, stabilizing issues right now. Sigh. Can anyone help, or even relate?

How is it now, OP? I hope it's much better, and that you have got your abuser out of your fantasies. I'm sort of relating right now.. I'm staring to deal with the memories of horrible sexual abuse in my childhood, and I'm getting disturbing feelings of getting aroused.. :( Really hate it!! And I'm so scared to continue working with this(only scratched the surface yet) and I just can't tell my therapist about those feelings! I so wish you're not struggling anymore. I really do hope it changes after working through it all.

 

[Orep]

Aww, I am very sorry to hear you are struggling with this too. The issue has changed for me, I won't really say it's better, at the moment, I may have some more work to do. I have retreated to a non-sexual phase right now mostly. I'm not completely celibate, I do still occasionally have sex with my husband or masturbate, but honestly, sometimes I just stop thinking about sex immediately when the idea occurs to me, because I don't want to deal with the associations. Some other things have sort of come up in my life that are taking priority right now, so that one's a little on the back-burner. It's very hard to deal with is all I can say- but I have done it before and had a really good, satisfying sex life, so I know this is temporary, and maybe things will even be way better after I get though this period!

 

[Ulemon]

(supporter) I really want to thank you all for your incredible courage in talking about this. I just had a major eureka moment. My boyfriend is freaking out about some of this stuff and he hasnt really been able to talk about it. I see it in some of the things he does.

 

[Ipe]

Aww, I am very sorry to hear you are struggling with this too. The issue has changed for me, I won't really say it's better, at the moment, I may have some more work to do. I have retreated to a non-sexual phase right now mostly. I'm not completely celibate, I do still occasionally have sex with my husband or masturbate, but honestly, sometimes I just stop thinking about sex immediately when the idea occurs/, so I know this is temporary, and maybe things will even be way better after I get though this period!

Thank you. (Fekizu here..) It gives me some hope. I'm living alone and don't have a partner- so fortunately I don't need to have sex. The feelings of getting excited come whenever those memories come.. Right now they make me want to die.

 

[Anegu]

I am so sorry to hear that. Have you tried watching porn or reading erotica or anything as a distraction? Sometimes those help me. I also just try to acknolwedge the intrusive thought, don't avoid it, and just tell myself, ok, yep, this is on my mind, but I'm going to enjoy myself and think about X instead. I'm trying to remove the power of the intrusive thoughts- they are, after all, only old thoughts, and they'll pass, like any others. (Easier said sometimes than done, ha, I know.)