Childhood Sexual fetish - Does anyone have experience with changing something like this consequence of childhood abuse?

[Pockets]

Hello all, I was sexually abused as a child by my brother and I am male. I realize now that the anal fetish I have (something I’ve lived with tremendous shame about) has become a real obstacle to intimacy in my 28 years of marriage to a woman. I’ve often thought “it would be so much easier if I were gay.” I even explored relationships with men in my teens because I thought the fetish might mean that I am gay. But I’m definitely not attracted to men in this way. My wife does not share in this fetish and so our sexual intimacy is almost non-existent. I really want this intimacy with her because I know it is good for both of us individually and as a couple. My dilemma is I don’t know how to change or overcome this fetish. It seems almost hardwired into my brain because the abuse occurred when I was around 10 yrs old. Does anyone have experience with changing something like this consequence of childhood abuse?

 

[somerandomguy]

Hi @Pockets, are you currently in therapy? That's where I'd start.

 

[arfie]

i experienced hyper-sexuality as a result of my sexual abuse. this included anal. lousiest form of birth control ever, but here we are. . . my sibs-in-healing have me believing that you and i are far from alone in this socially unacceptable conundrum. my hubby of 43 years never was able to keep up and the latter aspect repulsed him to church and back.

menopause is the closest to a cure i've found yet. the problem still exists, but removing the hormonal aspect has helped mightily. the good news is that by peri-menopause i was able to manage the symptom with radical acceptance, channeling and mindfulness.