Tuithurs91
Not Active
Hi I'm having an awful day today.
I hate Wednesdays, they are full of reminders of things that traumatise me that happened on Wednesdays like my aunty dying of terminal cancer, a madwoman visiting us, and my drop in days finishing, and rain in local town centre and the horrible summer weather which is just like winter all year with it raining none stop from a white depressing sky.
Today I had to go to two horrible depressing supermarkets and I feel very depressed in there, and then I didnt have enough money to pay for my shopping and the assistant ead so rude and horrible.
then I fancied the taxi driver and when he was bending down in his car I wanted to stare at his underwear and touch it and smell it and snog him but I couldn't because I was worried that a neighbouright see me and so I looked away buy I had such strong urge to smell his undies.
I'm a forty year old gay man who's never had a partner and I have autism and depression and anxiety disorders.i Iive in a horrible area where I don't know of one other gay man and I'm also Jewish and I just have no friends or any siblings and no support because the area i Iive in is a very secluded area where there is no gay scene.
even if there was a scene enobody would fancy me ad I got badly bullied verbally abused at school by other pupils,and now feel very unattractive I'm so lonely. I can't read because I can't remember anything because I'm so lonely and there's no support services anymore
I hate this horrible world I have had enough of it sometimes.
Today HSS been one depressing episode after another,rain and pain and memories of family having cancer and memories of horrible people and supermarkets feeling like horrible places and no money and thirty odd years of sexual frustration and nobody to talk to anymore nobody to share laughs with or talk about being gay with.
What future is there for me?
I hate Wednesdays, they are full of reminders of things that traumatise me that happened on Wednesdays like my aunty dying of terminal cancer, a madwoman visiting us, and my drop in days finishing, and rain in local town centre and the horrible summer weather which is just like winter all year with it raining none stop from a white depressing sky.
Today I had to go to two horrible depressing supermarkets and I feel very depressed in there, and then I didnt have enough money to pay for my shopping and the assistant ead so rude and horrible.
then I fancied the taxi driver and when he was bending down in his car I wanted to stare at his underwear and touch it and smell it and snog him but I couldn't because I was worried that a neighbouright see me and so I looked away buy I had such strong urge to smell his undies.
I'm a forty year old gay man who's never had a partner and I have autism and depression and anxiety disorders.i Iive in a horrible area where I don't know of one other gay man and I'm also Jewish and I just have no friends or any siblings and no support because the area i Iive in is a very secluded area where there is no gay scene.
even if there was a scene enobody would fancy me ad I got badly bullied verbally abused at school by other pupils,and now feel very unattractive I'm so lonely. I can't read because I can't remember anything because I'm so lonely and there's no support services anymore
I hate this horrible world I have had enough of it sometimes.
Today HSS been one depressing episode after another,rain and pain and memories of family having cancer and memories of horrible people and supermarkets feeling like horrible places and no money and thirty odd years of sexual frustration and nobody to talk to anymore nobody to share laughs with or talk about being gay with.
What future is there for me?
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