Sexual success stories?

[Cypress]

Very small progress but really motivated to get this sorted. I want to have healthy intimate mutually enjoyable sex at least once in my life before I die.

My goals right now are: 1. be 100% present during sex, no dissociating into a part, even if being present means being symptomatic and dysfunctional. 2. Rewire my sexuality so that I can be aroused by normal sexual fantasies

 

[somerandomguy]

even if being present means being symptomatic and dysfunctional

Whoa. That's a brave statement because, well, I know all about being sexually symptomatic and dysfunctional and it's kind of the opposite of fun. But I guess you've got to go there before the fun can happen. Maybe someday the fun will happen ... yeah, my T was skeptical about that, too.

Rewire my sexuality so that I can be aroused by normal sexual fantasies

I can be aroused by "normal" fantasies, but the other ones just work so much better.

 

[joeylittle]

I conquered some big hurdles with sex and sexuality. I still have stuff to work through, though. I'd say the biggest struggle I have now is a large pile of complicated thoughts and feelings around orgasm.

 

[Lionheart]

I was sexually abused from childhood into adulthood. There was a time when abuse was all I knew of sex and it had the power to make me or break me. But not anymore.....

I used to act out sexually and seek abusive sexual situations, but not for many years now. I have E.D. so that I have to use viagra. I also have diabetes and other problems that interfere, but I do okay with help from my little blue friends. It used to be that I couldn't connect love/emotions with sex, I would shut down emotionally but that has also changed and improved. I no longer physically go numb or panic over sexual performance. Sex is just not the be all end all for me anymore. It is much more fun and light-hearted now. I derive real joy from it and am no longer confused about my orientation and preference.

So I think the answer I'd give is "Yes, It can improve, but just like everything else, it took a lot of work and a bit of time before it got better. But then when you look at how conditioned I was to seek out abusive situations, it makes sense that it took a while.

 

[blackemerald1]

chaos...that was a weird analogy. F'n in a fire.

^That cracked me up too. Wasn't sure if you even meant to write it like that. :hilarious:

Idk... I've taken a break for a decade or so. And it's done me lots of good.

I'd like some companionship more than the sex. So trying to develop some meaningful relationships with men and women and some days I reckon I'm doing ok. But I know now I will never be really social again. Maybe that's ok too.

Honestly, given all of the issues that I hear irl people trying to sort out when it comes to sex why would I want to add myself to that?

All up... I'm a success when it comes to sex. :)

 

[grit]

From my experience in many group therapies, I learned that sexuality (I was gang violated as a child), is the least area of damage. I do not know for sure what I attributed to this but I would say as a young person, I was very experimental and I sort of went through a lot of insecurity and I slept with both genders and I feel safe and free in my sexuality. Now in my marriage, I am becoming super aware (as a result of therapy I suppose), I got off being in control more than being "done" to. and I accept that, as probably a reaction to my gang violating trauma (which was extremely violent and I still have the physical scars), I learned not to get off by being done to and I formed reaction formation sort of. Weirdly and maybe this is TMI, but I do like watching others getting off when "being" done to.
I am more accepting of my sexuality because it does not have elements of sadism or masochistic toward others....maybe that is why it was easier for me...

 

[Strangelongtrip]

I haven't really had sex in a year and a half, but it's given me time to work solo, if you know what I mean. I can now do that without dissociation, but I still have work to do. I can fantasize about stuff other than abuse as well. Sex is also just not a priority for me right now, which for a while I felt ashamed and guilty about, because I think some part of me tied my worth in life to being a sex object. I'm just getting comfortable flirting here and there, but I find that for now, I prefer the distance from admiring from afar/flirting/the could have been but wasn't. Makes me feel like a romantic poet haha. I could write circles around something as small as someone touching me on the hand or caressing my face but the actual act of sex, I'm not there yet. It doesn't really excite me all that much either. I'd have to find someone I was comfortable with too, and the people I like that I would have sex with and live near me isn't a very big intersection lol.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I understand that. My husband wants me to want it and I don't know how that works. It's supposed to just be for him, not for me ( at least in my head) though logically I know that's not true so it's this mixed up mess that I don't know what to do with. Wanting it comes with guilt. I'm supposed to be a commodity.

Yep, been there....2am I'm sound asleep, got to be up for work @6:30....and that voice, from the other side of the bed says,
"Honey (nidging me) honey you awake?.....I'm awake.... let's..........get a quicky. But I was sleeping..........He says, "What's wrong with you?"

I like being an oyster......my kind of oyster is totally asexual!

 

[Mee]

I can be aroused by "normal" fantasies, but the other ones just work so much better.

Gah. I struggle with this. I don’t tend to fantasise that much about ‘unreal things’. I recently tried reading something and ended up crying at the derogatory nature of it all. ??. I just cannot seen to separate sex from trauma yet. Or sexual fantasies from social issues :(

 

[unbrokenn]

I know that we're all here because we're working on stuff, and that all the people who have gotten significantly better have left, so I wouldn't be surprised if no one is able to answer this in a positive way. But I just want to know if anyone here of any gender has gotten any better at all with sexuality - maybe just by feeling more comfortable with having sex (or with not having sex, as the case may be) or maybe even just accepting that they need different things sexually now than they used to. Anything, really. I'm grasping at straws.

Or maybe sexuality is really not something that ever gets easier or better for people. That's fine, I just want to know. I think I can eventually be OK with not ever being OK. I just want to know what's going to happen - I just want to know if I can ever expect to get better or not. It seems like I've been working on this a long time and it's not getting any better for me.

Honestly, I’ve had friends with PTSD that got better with sexuality but sexuality and relationships just aren’t for me.

 

[blackemerald1]

Honestly, I’ve had friends with PTSD that got better with sexuality but sexuality and relationships just aren’t for me.

^Unbrokenn didn't you say in a recent post earlier today that you are seventeen years old?

 

[unbrokenn]

^Unbrokenn didn't you say in a recent post earlier today that you are seventeen years old?

Well I mean yeah, but my friends are sexually active at this age, and I can’t date because I don’t feel anything or I just don’t attach. I was abused for 15 years and now I just can’t love romantically let alone sexually. Age has nothing to do with romantic relationships, you can’t possibly be that naive to think teens don’t have sex in the 21st century.