Relationship She Left Me Due To Ptsd - An Update

[Tibbles123]

So I asked her about this weekend...

Just shot her a text "hey are we gonna see each other this wee...

So that's now three full days without speaking to each other and two weeks since we last saw each other. How do I know it's her isolating and not her just ignoring me as a passive aversive way to break-up?

 

[Sweetpea76]

She said she didn't want to end it... Why keep going there? The needing space thing is not out of the ordinary with PTSD sufferers.

Why not give it a try? Let her have space without contacting her, and see how she does.

 

[Tibbles123]

She said she didn't want to end it... Why keep going there? The needing space thing is not out of th...

For how long? Just cut off contact until she gets a hold of me?

 

[Kintsugi]

I can't tell if you're frustrated because you feel she doesn't want to be in a relationship or if you're frustrated because you can't be in a relationship where this sort of thing goes on.

I'm a sufferer, and I typically do not isolate from my partner, although I isolate from nearly anyone else. If I were in a relationship with someone who has PTSD, and they isolated for weeks from me, I would not be able to tolerate it, and I'd tell them I was finished.

I require a lot of attention daily from my partner, and the only circumstance under which I seem to be able to tolerate not getting it is mitigating circumstances such as travel, work, or family crisis. That's just who I am and what I need.

ETA: I'm not saying this may not be very normal behavior from her and related to her PTSD. I'm saying that I would not be willing to tolerate that behavior personally. I'm just challenging you to identify your own needs, boundaries, and limits.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yes... Let her contact you next.

You said you guys had a sincere talk on Friday. She said:

She agreed we should give this another shot, but said we need slow down and drop our expectations a bit. So, it's ok if we don't talk for a night and I shouldn't expect her to always text back because at times she's overwhelmed and handle it right now. Basically I need to back off and stop expecting so much from her.

Then you said:

I told her I forgot what she could do and got caught up in our future rather than focusing on the present and that I can understand what she can give me and be happy with that.

But you're upset that she's not returning daily texts and calls?

 

[Tibbles123]

Yes... Let her contact you next.

You said you guys had a sincere talk on Friday. She said:



Then...

I know. I just miss her so much. We had that break up then she doesn't want to see me? I mean she also said she's going to be her and I need to be me, that she needs someone that will ride along side her and not try to break her. She also discussed her severe trust issues with men due her abuse as a child and her experience with her ex. So I almost feel like it's a test(?) to see if I will really stick by her(?). I will because she is my world.

I guess is it normal to talk like this when they go into isolation? Is this normal for them to not know what the stress is actually doing to them and causing them to act a certain way? I guess I am clinging to every small bit of hope I can.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I would stop trying to figure out the "whys" and just work on the mechanics now. Work on dealing with isolation periods on your end, respecting her boundaries, and figuring out if you can manage a relationship with this in the mix.

 

[Tibbles123]

I would stop trying to figure out the "whys" and just work on the mechanics now. Work on dealing wit...

Well that was quick... Just got this text WTF!

Listen, I know you mean well and you really love me, but I’m still not feeling this. I feel as though I’m being forced to love you back. I once had love for you but I’m just not feeling it anymore. I should have just stuck with what I said a few weeks ago. I appreciate you’re kindness and understanding and everything in between but I just don’t feel the same as you do. No, this is not my PTSD talking or anything else, I really just don’t want this relationship. It’s so mean of me to drag you along for no reason. I’m sure there is a girl out there for you but it’s just not me. So I’m really going to have to move on. Please do not come back at me with hate or numerous phone calls or letters, I’m speaking the truth and what I know and feel.

 

[Kintsugi]

WTF!

You've been broken up with. I'm sorry you're hurting, but it is something almost everyone goes through. At least you know it's over for real, and you aren't being led on or misused.

 

[Tibbles123]

You've been broken up with. I'm sorry you're hurting, but it is something almost everyone goes thro...

No I agree. Finally closure. I'm actually relieved. That said, I feel bad for her she's not medicated, she's also bipolar and she doesn't see a therapist regularly. I just really hope she gets help. No one deserves this sort of roller coaster. Especially her.

 

[Tibbles123]

No I agree. Finally closure. I'm actually relieved. That said, I feel bad for her she's not medicat...

I guarantee she tries to worm her way back to me at some point... I make REALLY good money, very educated, I'm a great dad and a better person. She isn't gonna find another guy this understanding and this willing work WITH HER through her issues. She needs serious help... Call me bitter or angry, but I'm not. Just the truth... I'm more mad my time was wasted and I find it sad she can't actually receive or reciprocate real love.

Bright side... I know far more about PTSD and bipolar then most.

Dueces... Samantha. Later y'all... I check in to provide support to other supporters. Hopefully their stories turn out better than mine.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Tibbles123 I'm sorry your situation turned out so. But please know (& I say this humbly & realizing you're hurting, & really I'm going far out on a limb because I understand how she feels in regards as she said she does not want to be 'dead weight'), but these are illnesses or 'mental injuries' or whatever you want to call them, not all willful choices or attitudes that reflect on you or any supporter. I too hope she gets healing. But also, I do believe, when it comes to love, or commitment esp long term, people ideally have to love each other as they are, and even with what they have, not despite what they have. You both deserve someone who each feels lucky to have the other in their life, as they are.

It's no crime to not be cut out to deal with it, nor a reflection on you she is ill.

Best wishes to you, I'm sorry.