Relationship She Left Me Due To Ptsd

[Casey_03]

@Tibbles123 This is probably another thing you might not want to hear, but I feel compelled to mention it anyway, because it might help you make sense of things. In my experience, some people with PTSD do exactly this -- they move very quickly at first and speak of love and commitment and grand plans, and they generally give the impression that they are ready to settle down and be fully devoted for the rest of their lives. But they aren't, this is a sort of distraction or a way to make themselves believe in love and warmth. I did this myself many many times before I realized why I was doing it - I'd move really fast and then a few months in realize I was trying to deceive myself into feeling whole again, to deceive myself into feeling normal instead of feeling empty from the PTSD. I have a few friends with PTSD who have done the same thing. That's not to say that is what she was doing, or even that she wasn't sincere with you, but she may have simply been confused. And I think that if you go through a lot of the supporter threads on this forum, you'll see dozens of other supporters describing the same scenario -- really fast-developing relationship, fairytale like promises of love and devotion .... and then the sufferer splits.

 

[Tibbles123]

@Casey_03

Thanks for that. I know that's a possibility. Maybe I'm still just in denial, but she said she never moves this fast with anyone. But you could be right. Maybe it's a new pattern to deal with the stress. Maybe she lied to me. I don't know. She has destroyed and my faith in relationships. I promised myself after my divorce I would never let myself feel like this again and I let her in and trusted her. Worst part is have to break it to my 5 year old daughter that she won't be around. My daughter was so excited to spend the upcoming weekend with her and my sufferer knew this. So I now I have my heartbreak of something I thought was real lost by a simple 20 word text and my daughter's disappointment.

 

[ladee]

I go along with all the suggestions made. Especially educating yourself about PTSD... I am so sorry you are hurt and that your daughter will be disappointed.... but you blaming either of you will not get you down the road on your own journey... just a thought here... maybe you were given this opportunity to see that you are more open than you thought you were... that is a good thing, whether it feels like it or not.
You will run thru a gamut of feelings, very normal for the circumstances... I can promise you, she never meant to hurt you on purpose. Only she has the answers for her actions.
You have been given an opportunity, painful as it is.... to see that you have more courage and heart than you thought you did.... In loving others, there are always lessons to be learned.... I personally, am very proud of you for opening your heart, you will survive.... a great teaching time for you and your daughter... about always being willing to love, to forgive, (eventually) and that life is full of unexpected things....
The more you educate yourself on PTSD, the better you will understand... no one is at 'fault' here... you opened your heart, that speaks volumes about the man you are... !!! sending hugs of comfort and little hugs to your daughter.... let us know how you are doing.... we are here for you....

 

[Tibbles123]

Well she got back to me today.

Sent me three text messages: "Hi love, I'm sorry" " Just thought I'd send you a text, but I'm still with the social worker." "My mind is everywhere."

To which I replied: "I understand. I sent you a letter. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

She said: "Thanks, that means a lot."

I know it may mean nothing, but at least it is a positive sign. Maybe I didn't ruin it. Maybe I did. But I have more hope than I did a few hours ago. That's all I can really ask for.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Now is the time to learn about PTSD. You will save yourself A LOT of stress by doing so, for you and her.

Here are some links to get you started.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/#post-173960

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/stressor-vs-trigger-what-is-a-trigger.9903/

Also, there are two great books for supporters. The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy by Diane England is probably the best PTSD sourcebook for supporters. Besides being a great overview of PTSD, it also has sections on communication and conflict resolution.

The second book is Shock Waves: A Practical Guide to Living with a Loved One's PTSD by Cynthia Orange. This book focuses more on supporter self care, which is something which can easily fall by the wayside.

 

[Tibbles123]

Now is the time to learn about PTSD. You will save yourself A LOT of stress by doing so, for you and...

Thanks @Sweetpea76 - the links were very helpful. I will look into the books. I haven't heard from her again, so I feel like I'm not out of the woods yet. I guess I'm cautiously optimistic (?). I passively as possible told her I am here and I'm not leaving her side. Hopefully, this a start to her opening communication back with me, but I've read too many stories about intermittent communication on here. Just have to keep moving forward. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

 

[ladee]

Or how about prepare for the best and get those books and if nothing else, you will know more about PTSD than you ever wanted to know... who's to say this is the only person with PTSD you will ever meet.... sure would be nice to have someone to talk too sometimes that had a clue what I go thru..... besides my great support here... wishing you well...

 

[ladee]

You told her you would be there for her, she needs to know that is true, and you have nothing to loose by educating yourself...

 

[Tibbles123]

You're right @ladee I didn't mean to come off like I wasn't getting the books. I will. I guess my defenses are still up. I am just afraid to have the the mindset that she's back only to have her break my heart again.

 

[Tibbles123]

Ugh! 24 hours have passed since she reached out to me. I want to be patient, but I really want to reach out to her. But have to sit and wait for her to contact me again. Right? I just feel like I wasn't supportive enough in my message back to her.

 

[glass half full]

Ugh! 24 hours have passed since she reached out to me. I want to be patient, but I really want to rea...

Being patient is difficult. But if you want to be with and for her, its a skill you'll have to learn. I found that patience came easier after the third or fourth time mine went dark. Some days are easier than others and some are just bad, but it is what it is.

There were links to articles provided earlier in the string and maybe a couple of books. Try reading or walking your dog or a movie. Learning about PTSD will be a sound investment and if you are too keyed up to read, any distraction that helps keep your mind on other things, even momentarily, is a good choice right now. I know its hard, but you'll get through it.

 

[Tibbles123]

Being patient is difficult. But if you want to be with and for her, its a skill you'll have to l...

So she came back today, but still seems a bit out of it. We discussed it a bit, but she seemed uncomfortable with it. Trying to act like nothing happened, but she still not quite herself. Gonna try to keep my distance and play it cool for bit still. Still feel like she might bolt again... Thoughts?