So she came back today, but still seems a bit out of it. We discussed it a bit, but she seemed uncomf...
I'm glad she's maintaining contact.
I wish I had some good input- mine works overseas, so its different. When he goes dark, he comes back via email. He picks up a conversational thread that got dropped a week or two weeks earlier. When that's happened I've just gone with the flow of the conversation and not called him on it. He's back, and that makes me happy. I've decided that while a conversation about what sets him off should happen, it doesn't have to be right then. He went dark five weeks ago and I've gotten one brief email in that time. I have sent him an email a week just to touch base. The content has varied, but i have let him know that I have reached out for help, that I have done so because i love him and that i will do all i can to be here for him. I've also just sent him a pic of spring flowers in a vase in my house. He knows I'm still here for him.
I did acknowledge receipt of his email and said thank you and left it at that. But this is not my first time the rodeo- so I've learned to go with his flow.
So- here's what I've learned- and hopefully some sufferers might be able to either correct or validate as appropriate. My understanding is that at a time like this a sufferer is likely to feel especially fragile. She probably is somewhat uncomfortable with her own choices over the past few days, but didnt feel like she had options or was in control. That said, hoping to have a sit down with her and discuss the issues isn't likely right now. She probably needs time to pull her own head back together and you'll need to give her that space. Trying to talk about what happened now probably won't yield useful insights anyway. Better to wait and it let it process and come naturally and in its own time.
I would again encourage you to begin to educate yourself about PTSD and keep learning about it. I thought I understood before the first time my man went dark. The reality was, I had no real clue. I've reached out for information repeatedly over the past six months and have learned a lot and I still have a lot to learn. I can say that gaining knowledge and insight is what has allowed me to get through the past five weeks with my own sanity intact. I worry about him, but I have to accept that he will be back when he can be. I could not do this without having a better understanding about what PTSD is and how it manifests. Reading strings here has been very helpful in letting me know that what he's doing and what your love is doing is almost a signature behavior for people with PTSD. Knowing that is very helpful and reassuring.
I'm getting overly long here- take a breath and then another and let her set the pace for what she can do and talk about. I'd even back off a bit on reassuring her that you're here to support her. I think you've made that clear, and part of being there for her is letting her find her way back to you more fully. Let your actions do the talking now. Its hard, but its do-able.
