Should I Email My T?

[Allie21]

So last session my t said she was going to email me a relaxation exercise we worked on the session before. The session was Thursday and I haven't got an email yet. I knewover the weekend she probably wouldn't email me but what is her excuse now? I don't know why it's effecting me like this. She did this the session before this one as well about some anxiety meds she wanted me to talk to my dr about. She said she would email me and got my email address. I don't know if I should email her or wait until our next session on Aug. 1 and say something. Maybe she wants me to be more assertive and ask her for it? Has this happened to anyone else? Do you think she is testing me in a way to see what I do? They tend to do that sometimes!

 

[BlueOrange]

I think it's perfectly reasonable to send a reminder email - especially when there's weeks before your next session. One way to do it might be to phrase it as a question - "When do you think you'll be able to send the relaxation exercise?"

 

[Friday]

I would stop worrying about all the things in her head (what's her excuse, does she want me to be more assertive, is she testing me)... And just ask her for what you want : aka : the relaxation exercise.

You want the relaxation exercise.
She hasn't sent it.
Ask for it.

 

[Suzetig]

I'd be worried about a T testing you like this, most likely is that she either forgot, lost your email or hasn't had a minute at her desk to send it. I'd email and ask - given its the second time though I'd also mention to her in session how it impacts you when she says she will do something and doesn't.

 

[sun seeker]

Maybe she wants me to be more assertive and ask her for it?

Not likely. Almost certainly she just forgot. I think a lot of us tend to do a lot of speculating about our therapists' reasons for doing things and assume we are the cause, when much more likely, we have nothing to do with it.

A lot of us seem to have therapists who often forget to follow through on things they say they will do, and it bothers us a lot, judging from the number of posts on this issue. I think it's to do with holding them to higher standards than we might hold other people, because of the special position they hold in our lives, and perhaps we scrutinize their actions under a high-lens microscope. The reality is their actions don't usually have any more personal significance than anyone else's. They are human like the rest of us.

On another thread about therapists forgetting to follow through, someone made a point I try to keep in mind. Good therapists are people who live in the moment. That makes them very good at focusing 100% on their clients while working with them, but the flip side of this kind of focus is that they tend to be not so good at staying on top of details like remembering to send an e-mail.

If it is really bothering you, your feelings about being let down by people not doing what they say they'll do might be a good thing to bring up at your next session. For the moment, I'd send a reminder e-mail: "Hey, remember you said you'd send me a relaxation exercise? I'm still eager to look at it, please do send it at your earliest convenience."

 

[sun seeker]

You want the relaxation exercise.
She hasn't sent it.
Ask for it.

I have the feeling the OP wants more than the relaxation exercise. They want to feel that they can count on their therapist. They may have trust issues in general, and the relationship with their therapist is the practice ground for sorting them out, so to speak. That's a much longer-term project for a person with attachment trauma (I suspect). In the immediate term, they want the relaxation exercise, yes. The extraneous complications and speculations lead me to believe there is more to the question than this, though.

 

[sun seeker]

Has this happened to anyone else? Do you think she is testing me in a way to see what I do? They tend to do that sometimes!

Do they? Do you have an example? I don't think I've ever heard of a therapist setting up a situation like this to test a client. Have you?

 

[Friday]

The extraneous complications and speculations lead me to believe there is more to the question than this, though.

Probably. Which is why I kept it simple.

Wanting X... But can't ask for X... Because... ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQURSTUV...<gasp> 123456789 <gasp>... And what IF???

= Whoooooa. Slow down. A-V & 1-99 are all totally valid issues to address & may well need sorting.

But if what you want right now is X? Ask for X.

 

[Pencil]

A therapist who sets up little obstacle courses and tests should be avoided. By rationalizing and providing her with an alibi, you are doing her and yourself a disservice. How about going for the simplest and most likely explanation: she is not very reliable.

 

[sun seeker]

But if what you want right now is X? Ask for X.

Quite so. But if you ask for X and there is still a niggling resentment there, look into the possibility that X wasn't really the issue.

 

[sun seeker]

How about going for the simplest and most likely explanation: she is not very reliable.

And then, talk about it. Either she will try to be more reliable once she realizes it affects people, or you will get a chance to work on your boundaries with other people in your life who aren't reliable, or both.

 

[Panda Bear]

Ask, just email and ask if she could please send the exercise.

I've faced this before, T gets busy and forgets. He's human and so am I. But we do have a long standing relationship so it's easy for me to feel comfortable asking for what I need. A few times he's thought one way and said so...and I didn't agree with the plan and I needed to say exactly what I needed. He was happy I spoke up and told me so.

He would never "test" me or set up mind game traps to see if I respond in a certain way to the frustration. And he's told me exactly this.....

She likely got busy and forgot. It happens, a lot!