General Should i tell his father to call him to apologize

[chiara vietti]

My partner of 20 years suffered severe physical and emotional child abuse, the father was the perpetrator and the mother was also abused by her husband and was detached and enabler..Never stood up and protected him (she is bigger that the father).
My partner hated is family but at the same time tried to reconnect with them and invite them over every years. Four years ago his father told him that he wanted him (my partner) to make peace with his older brother (who was also abusive) otherwise he will not talk to him anymore (as he always thought his older brother was better than him and was not abused).
Last year also the mother stopped contacting my partner because she is afraid of her husband retaliation (she is making excuses saying that's my partner choice that they are the parents I he should do what his father asked).The older sister called also my partner and told him that he was mean and selfish because the parents are now old.
After this episode my partner become more and more depressed self madicating with video games and tv...isolated himself from almost everyone and eventually stopped talking to me and sometimes become verbally. abusive towards me and blames me for everything (not sure what).
My question is can call or go to see hos father and tell him what a SofaB he is and the he should apologize to his son for all the abuse?
The mother os not responsive..she has been abused for too long ..she thinks is genetic and the son is becoming like her husband ...
She played the victim all her life never called the cops
I called the cops twice when my partner was yelling...he never touch me..actually he is scared of me..
But I mean no harm..I would like to help him, he was a wonderful partner for 20 years. ..
Please help

 

[Sweetpea76]

Personally, I wouldn't get involved in that hot mess. That family dynamic sounds horrible, and odds are he won't apologize anyway.

Why would he want these people in his life anyway? It is OK to cut off contact with toxic people, even if they are family.

 

[scout86]

My birth family was a bit like that. Is there any reason to think those people have changed? (I'm going to guess 'not'.) He's better of without them, harsh as that probably sounds.

 

[Mytime]

I think talking to the father would only give him more abusive ammo. I think
trying to get him in therapy would be the best place for your energy. Reminding him, that he has a family in the relationship with you. He can have the type of family he wants by the friends he surrounds himself with. I can see you love him very much and you are trying to protect him. But talking to his dad I do feel it could put him in the line of fire, along with you. That could open
a hole new can of worms. As far as him verbally being abusive to you. Some boundaries need to be set to keep you both safe emotionally.

 

[Lucycat]

I really don't think your request that he should apologise would have any impact at all. He clearly does not believe that he has anything to apologise for or he would have already done it. You will never convince him that he is wrong.

Your partner is far better off without a family like that.

 

[Justmehere]

No. Don’t get yourself triangulated into that mess.

 

[EveHarrington]

No, because an apology that is spurned by you is a meaningless, useless apology.

Been there, had that done to me.

 

[Gs172003]

Nope.

 

[Freida]

No. No. No. You can't change these people or the family dynamics and getting in the middle of it may make the situation worse