I have been waffling on how to respond to this for a couple of days now. Now that I have my wits gathered around me I am about to go off on another novel so read at your own risk of boredom, anger, sadness or whatever strikes your fancy or mood.
For me, the mere fact that this Forum exists in any form is quite frankly my personal lifesaver. Without it I would still be wallowing in my own pile of stinky brown stuff, with no light in my future much less at the end of a tunnel.
For me, the interaction with the supporters, though sometimes frustrating as all get out, has been extremely important in my relationship and my life in general. The questions the supporters asked made me think about my responses very carefully. It also gave me the opportunity to do it on my own time. Something that does not happen face to face with my girlfriend and the others around me. The careful thought-and-response has allowed/forced me to look in the mirror and try to explain myself, my fears and my actions. To quote Frank Herbert one again:
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
Think about this quote for a moment.
I must not fear.
Fear is the primary problem that we with PTSD are dealing with is it not? Fear of dying. Fear of horrible injury or death. Fear of someone else experiencing the same.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
My/our internal dialog, trained response, whatever, is killing our minds, our bodies, our relationships and our Goddamn lives!
I will face my fear.
This Forum allows me at least to face my fear. Something that I was not able to do on my own because I was caught up in my own total obliteration.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
Thinking about my fears/issues. Discussing them. Having a fellow soldier, who speaks my language and shares some of my experiences, give me a no nonsense, point blank point of view. Having a supporter give me their experience to situations that are all too familiar in my life, without the emotion and (much of) the conflict that I have when standing in front of a "real" person. These things have been critical to me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
I am the first to admit that my fears have not gone past me....yet. But I am now able to turn my inner eye on them and see their destructive path through my life and all of your lives.
When the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
It is my hope that this will happen for me and all of you. When it happens it will be an unbelievably happy day!
So I think that it is critical for this forum to remain as it is. With some understanding. Supporters, we vets need a place to blow off steam. That place NEEDS to be a "Green Zone" because blowing off this kind of steam is socially unacceptable and in some cases downright illegal or dangerous. Please insure that you are not breaking the trust of the "Combat Only" area. Read it, laugh and cry because of it. Hopefully understand what your vet is going through a little bit better. But if you need to ask a question about a particular post: INSURE THAT YOU DO IT IN THE SUPPORTERS AREA. And when you do, don't quote it. Paraphrase it, etc., IF YOUR OWN VETERAN IS VENTING ABOUT YOU. Do not get upset about this. Your vet is venting. This is a good thing. Even better that the venting is ideally not anger directed at you! This will alleviate Nicolette's issues. It may, not light the fire of the Vet who wrote the post. But no guarantees there.:cautious: Remember that a Vet with PTSD lost to this forum, is a f*cking vet lost. A brother or sister in arms that we have failed to help. I do not want that. I have already had too much of that. To me, that loss is just another unforgivable loss in my life.
Veterans, don't get pissed off because a supporter is asking a question or venting. We are all dealing with the pile of shit called PTSD. Wallowing in the shit pile alone is really just continuing the pattern of the little-death. We cannot do this alone. To get better, or even to deal with it, we need help. We need Veteran help and Supporter help. We need drugs. We need therapy. To achieve this we need to understand what is going on. Supporters cannot help us if they do not understand, we have to teach them. Therapists cannot help us if they do not understand what is going on, we have to tell them.
Okay, my rant is getting rather long so off my soap box. Time to dive back into my personal pile.
Fargo
Oh, I forgot. My vote is a solid NO spouses should not be banned.
