Relationship Shut Out- Stay Calm

[psychocandy]

I forgot to add... I used to be over 100+ pounds overweight as a kid. Lost it all and have kept it off for over 10yrs. So I'm not a drinker or other issues, but I know what dark times are like to some extent. I know what it feels like to be happy to be whole and that's one of the attractions she has to me.

 

[Meadowsweet]

You're still not saying anything that she's doing for this to be an issue beyond your imagination.

I've seen many people try to get rid of all ego by following non-duality, and it has a habit of burying emotion and thoughts that don't fit with the ideal. So I would be cautious in imagining that you are 100% no ego, and she is the one with the problem.

 

[DeedeeRSM]

Sorry op, yours looks more like an obsession...also considering how you write about it novel-like....now I am nit the one to preach on mental health, but if I were you I'd go see a therapist...

 

[psychocandy]

Thanks for your feedback!
People have different writing styles. I hardly think being able to write a bit verbosely should be considered a negative though it's your opinion which is just as equal as mine.

It's not mentioned previously here because of privacy of her actions, I have been through all of the exact PTSD issues as she said she would do to me directly related and I treated her with love and kindness. Fast forward a first few months after I let her go entirely to help her get out of her dark and not put pressure on her, she could not handle me being out and instead of dealing with it, she chose a different route of coping and tried to make me out to be a bad guy to everyone which was not in the least bit respectful to me. I resolved to just be me and be loving and kind person, but continued to stay away because I deserve the same respect I give. She just started coming around, alone, exactly to where she knows dang well I am on the exact day and time for years, and I know that her being there watching me is her way of communicating. I ignored it for this past month or so or left if I felt it was silly to be there the first few times. Aside from holiday cards and this past week a drink olive branch, that's the most I have tried in 5 months. I didn't know what I can do differently this time to not trigger anything because I do love her very much, so I asked on the forum. But it's not enough for me unless she actually comes around to being able to talk, nor is it healthy for me to do anything at all differently than what I am doing in my own life that makes me happy. It's clear though from your feedback, it's nothing to do with PTSD as much as my actions. So i'll just go on with my happy self and let anything else non-essential go entirely off my worry radar. She has had enough crap in her life from non-trustworthy people. I'm not going to add to it.

 

[catwomanne]

I'm not a supporter, but it makes me sad when I see posts from supporters so often who are giving much more than they should to relationships, and clinging on to relationships, all in the name of PTSD. Sometimes relationships just aren't meant to be, PTSD or not, however much you've read about it.

I find this post of @psychocandy quite relatable. My boyfriend (now ex, I think; still getting closure) would shut me out, goes back to me, shut me out, goes back to me again - repeat. How do I know if I'm just clinging onto our relationship all in the name of PTSD? I just don't think I'm obsessing over my (ex) boyfriend, but rather, he's only had 2 months of therapy so if I let go now, am I giving up too early?

 

[Snowangel1225]

so if I let go now, am I giving up too early?

No one can answer that question for you. You need to decide for yourself how long you are willing to accept the unacceptable. When you no longer can, it's time to walk away. That doesn't mean that you can't revisit the idea of being together later down the road when he has had time to work on himself, but you need to choose you over him, take care of yourself and continue on with your life.

 

[Tinyflame]

I can't quite find my head to asborb all of this but something jumped out at me- how does one know if she's not in the bar everyday, if she is self-medicating? In that case it might not help to buy her a drink as an olive branch by the end of the night.

I understand the aspect that's mentioned, a good friend lost 100 lbs (before I met him), it took me lots of encouraging him to help him out with dates (confidence in himself). He told me in his mind he still weighed 100 pounds more.

It does make one feel happy when the other person is happy.

 

[psychocandy]

Hi Junebug.. to answer your question, its because her buddies of many years mentioned it to me. They don't know about her PTSD exactly and I have not, will not ever mention it as it is not their business its her life. We don't usually talk about her, we just hang out and have fun- they just brought it up to me a couple months ago because they know I care and wanted me to know. There are two big drinking buds that she hangs out with only in her binge times so her good buds know when she's hanging out with those other guys that's what she's up to. I learned its best that during those times for me to not go out so much to the other pubs in town to watch games so I don't run into her.

Your right about the drink, again its my actions that are not best. A nice couple I know from the pub that I go to once a week got engaged and I got them a congrats shot at the end of the night. I'm not a big drinker, so its quite comical when I do one shot and it was a fun time. She was sitting just to the side, listening to us chatting about nonsense and watching us being silly. She knows them too. So I just thought since it was not the same atmosphere as mentioned above, it felt more relaxed and that I'd be nice at that moment and send a drink her way too.