General Shut outs and not feeling loved

[Deleted member 44240]

So it has been since December 24 for me but he is texting me most days. He is isolating physically and h...

I was told the same of him needing time. However, he had to find an irrational reason to argue before he left; I guess that was to feel validated. He does not respond to texts or calls right now. Our communication has to be business only right now.

 

[Louski]

I was told the same of him needing time. However, he had to find an irrational reason to argue before he l...

I’m really sorry this is happening for you. It must be incredibly difficult with no contact at all. We haven’t argued at all. That’s the funny thing. He is just not able to cope with the new job he has, coming back from war and me all at the same time. It is such flawed logic as surely I could help and support but I think he is worried that he will hurt me more by exposing me to the episode he is having. He is still texting every day but he is ill at the moment with bad flu, but he did call me babe today..first time he called me a pet name since 9th January. Is it weird to think of such very small things as big wins?

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I’m really sorry this is happening for you. It must be incredibly difficult with no contact at all. We...

I’m happy you’re guy is at least acknowledging you.

 

[Louski]

I’m happy you’re guy is at least acknowledging you.

Yes, he is definitely doing that and he hasn’t fully isolated and he is explaining to me that he needs time and space. I am giving him what he asked for and not getting too caught up in it because at the end of the day it is his stuff and I know it isn’t my fault. The thing is he has a therapist and has had for 17 years. And we were long distance for most of the two years we were together so this living in the same country thing is new. I have quite a lot of faith that he will come out of the episode soon. At least I hope so. In the mean time I have been going to therapy, seeing my friends, trying to just carry on and keep going with work and life. It’s hard, but I know patience is the answer. He was in Iraq for the most part of last year and I didn’t know the ptsd would flare up like this but it has and i think the being away at war as covering up a lot of the real feelings he was having. I hope he starts to feel like he can come home again soon.

 

[anonymous]

They don't ever really come home. My vet's last deployment was 2008.

 

[Louski]

They don't ever really come home. My vet's last deployment was 2008.

I know what you mean. This resonates with me unfortunately. I think by home I meant just come out of this episode in this case, however I fully understand what you are saying and know that part of him is still there and won’t come home.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I find that ptsd has a way of tricking you into believing that everything will be ok, then, BLAM! This person shows up that you don’t know and wants nothing to do with you, has nothing to say to you, becomes very distant and cold, and can’t stand being around you. I’ve learned so much in the past five months with this new person I’ve been introduced to. I can’t wait for my beautiful friend to return.