lrihorizon
New Here
Hi, I am a survivor of domestic abuse and captivity, trying to recover from ptsd.
Its taking a long time or maybe I am just impatient, but I realized that I need to do more to help myself. I think that I am out of the critical stage as my CNS and paranoia have calmed down a lot. I am finally not scared and not in a state of anxiety all of the time. Much of my brain seems to be returning to normal and my social skills and ability to communicate are much better.
I almost had to stop talking about what happened for a while, because I would re-live it again.
Now I am almost starting my life over again at 40. I have lost a lot of relationships and friendships in the last few years, I think I scared people when I would try to talk about what happened, didn't make a lot of sense when it came out and I was so angry. I think they thought I had gone crazy, and then that made me madder when I would tell them that I have PTSD and that I am having a really hard time and need some help.
So, its been a long road. Now I am just really lonely and don't love my life. I am slowly re-integrating myself in the worlds I used to be a part of. But sometimes I just feel so sad about people I have lost and parts of myself that seems to be lost also.
I am also a writer/researcher and am alone a lot by trade.
I have used alcohol to ease the pain and help me feel happy at times, now I am able to be happy sometimes without being totally high, but not near enough. I am kind of afraid to give it up, but I don't think its helping that much anymore and it makes me feel bad.
So, that's where I am. I was glad to find this forum.
Thanks for being here!
<Paragraph breaks inserted for readability by Amethist>
Its taking a long time or maybe I am just impatient, but I realized that I need to do more to help myself. I think that I am out of the critical stage as my CNS and paranoia have calmed down a lot. I am finally not scared and not in a state of anxiety all of the time. Much of my brain seems to be returning to normal and my social skills and ability to communicate are much better.
I almost had to stop talking about what happened for a while, because I would re-live it again.
Now I am almost starting my life over again at 40. I have lost a lot of relationships and friendships in the last few years, I think I scared people when I would try to talk about what happened, didn't make a lot of sense when it came out and I was so angry. I think they thought I had gone crazy, and then that made me madder when I would tell them that I have PTSD and that I am having a really hard time and need some help.
So, its been a long road. Now I am just really lonely and don't love my life. I am slowly re-integrating myself in the worlds I used to be a part of. But sometimes I just feel so sad about people I have lost and parts of myself that seems to be lost also.
I am also a writer/researcher and am alone a lot by trade.
I have used alcohol to ease the pain and help me feel happy at times, now I am able to be happy sometimes without being totally high, but not near enough. I am kind of afraid to give it up, but I don't think its helping that much anymore and it makes me feel bad.
So, that's where I am. I was glad to find this forum.
Thanks for being here!
<Paragraph breaks inserted for readability by Amethist>
