Sexual Assault Sibling Abuse Or Normal Exploration?

[rainbow1]

I don't know what counts as sibling abuse and what is just kids exploring each others bodies.

My sister is 18months older than me and when she was 12 I was 10 she told me she had been shown a video at school about sex and bodies.

She wanted me to touch her and I felt really awful about it. I did what she asked and she touched me as well. I let her. I was already suffering abuse from a man by that time so not sure if this affected my feelings about it.

It has always felt wrong and shameful to me but I don't know if it was bad. It went on for about a year fairly regularly.

Does anyone think it was ok or was it bad?? I don't know.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Rainbow,

I can understand your discomfort about this. It is impossible for me to say if this was abuse or if it is innocent childhood curiosity. I would suspect the latter - particularly as it resulted from sex education at school. However I have this little niggle in my head that is asking if your sister was being abused at that time too? In which case it could relate to trying to find answers in her own head.

I don't think you should feel ashamed, but I know that is so easy to say. I think if you are able to further explore it in therapy you might be able to let it go.

Whatever - you were both young. Children. Innocents. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!

 

[rainbow1]

Lucy, I have often wondered if he hurt my sister as well but somehow can't allow myself to believe he did. Otherwise I kept quiet and protected her for nothing. I failed at that as well. I know that sounds stupid.

It's so hard to figure it all out in my head. Not sure how I would even start to explain what happened between my sister and I. I just know it feels dirty now but not at the time.

 

[miss_isolated]

This is an embarrassing and shameful post for me and an "issue" that makes me not want to have children. This is interesting as I think about something similar from time to time... my older brother (by 5 years - I'm 27 now) pretend peed on me when I was 2 or 3 or 4... but it was definitely one of those three, I actually cannot remember if it was real pee or if it was pretend. When we got older we would also make my barbies have sex and I found it very exciting but "on my own" if that makes sense.

I do feel a lot of shame about it and hope he doesn't mention it (99.9% sure he wouldn't) let alone remember it at all... I wonder if these things are right and natural but to be honest I think their probably quite common.