Sick and tired

[Dynamic]

If that's not all of us sometimes idk what is.

I want to give up.
Told my therapist that and she could hear I'm not happy with that decision. She gave me goals she would have for me. Which I settled within myself are great choices of next steps for me.

One of the goals is going back to my Dr. Who took me off a med that wasn't working anymore.

His job.

But now I'm tired of all my care providers right now.

I pushed my husband away.

I. Genuinely. Can't. Connect. The. Two:
I am okay, there is no threat, etc.

I'm not a source of hope right now. I'm dreary right now.

I told my T today I think my Dr is dumping me.

I am being a monster or allowing monsters in my head.

Can't seem to navigate with my husband
Can't seem to feel
Apparently I'm accepting thoughts as fact
When did this start again?

Why does everything feel ruined
T said today I'm completely ignoring a years worth of progress.

At the end of the day I'm quite fine isolated.
After all before the trauma I stood firmly. Confidently. Prior to that establishment I was not that. So I'm stating a positive.

Why does everything seem so confusing.
I'm so afraid my Dr (who has been the best) will upset me today

Since I pushed my husband away I had to get him back.

I'm surprised he's still with me

Guys. I feel the volcano coming back and nothing comes out of it besides exhaustive crying.

I'm in the middle of getting tests done for Neuro stuff. But my fibro pain is that slow dragging achy . Petting the dog hurt my hand :(

 

[Survivor3]

When we're in pain and suffering and stressed there can be a tendency to push people away. Don't make the same mistake I did and leave yourself with no one. That kind of isolation can be terrifying. Just try and be civil with people. I'm sure your doctors and therapist are trying to help you. That's good. People on your side.

 

[Dynamic]

Civil. Okay. I feel like a robot with an avalanche of feelings. And pain.

 

[Tinyflame]

Remember @Defaultxlovee it may have a lot to do with your med withrawl.

Patience and tlc and rest for yourself. Hugs to you.

 

[Dynamic]

Thanks @Rosebud
I know of patience, but why is it so hard to connect? Edit out negative self talk

I figured out of if I let myself cry it out it strains my chest too much.

 

[Muttly]

It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I can relate. Sometimes all we can do is slog through. Sometimes keeping the connection with your therapist and here and trying to trust what they say is doing the work we need to do. Our thoughts can lie to us so powerfully. I hope you can ride this out.

 

[Dynamic]

thank you @Muttly
Im laying down gonna try a movie.

 

[Freddyt]

The path to healing - isn't a strait line. It has ups and downs.

Doing it with a chronic illness? OMG. If I had known 20 years ago that half the crap I deal with daily was PTSD, and how the two affect each other? I know where that stuff is at @Defaultxlove. I have Addison's as well as PTSD and as I go I find A affects B more than I would ever have imagined. It makes everything medical a moving target because is it this or that or both? On top of that - irritability. The one that pops out because my everything hurts.

But when things start off the rails it's back to basics. Stress cup management, grounding, and self care and practising clear communications. Clear communications is important because I can twist things to negative that are not, and that gets worse the worse my symptoms are.

Back to basics. Feel better soon....

 

[Dynamic]

On top of that - irritability. The one that pops out because my everything hurts.

T o t a l l y this. It gives me migraines if I think about it too much.

Clear communications is important because I can twist things to negative that are not, and that gets worse the worse my symptoms are.

Back to basics. Feel better soon...

Thank you ...clear communications. I do get what you're saying I am quite dense right now.

Back to basics. I'm gonna journal this. Best to you Freddy

 

[intothelight]

@Defaultxlove I live with chronic pain and some days are worse than others. When it is a rough day, it takes all of my mental and emotional energy just to manage the tasks of daily living. I don't have the energy at the end of the day to try to carry on conversations, do or learn something new, or really do much of anything. I will isolate to recuperate and I am fortunate that my husband understands that and doesn't take it personally.

Life isn't easy in general and when you throw PTSD and other chronic issues into the mix, it can be a real struggle at times. Self care is important, but also cutting yourself some slack as there are days that just being is hard enough.

 

[Dynamic]

hey @intothelight
thank you for your kind encouragement.

cutting yourself some slack as there are days that just being is hard enough.

this is better than gold, otherwise sorry you feel the same.

hugs.

 

[Dynamic]

Figured I'd let you all know I am feeling s l o w l y better. This time period has really thrown me for a loop.