Sick Of The Devastation Left By Sociopaths

[anni]

Niksgee, I bookmarked that so please do not be alarmed if something shows up somewhere. I don't use the bookmark option enough and it's an awesome tool here. Your post is SO worth re-reading when dealing with these people, thank you!

I asked my therapist ( my T ) about this subject, and was I dismissing far too many people as genuine, diagnosable sociopaths and narcissists based on MY reading of them? I mean, geesh- listening to myself, the world appears to be populated entirely by one or the other or both in one hideous package. ( Whoa- just bringing them into my head, my spelling went all to heck. Need to watch that. )He was comforting and NOT at all comforting, saying well, my little corner of the world is indeed populated by an extraordinary number of the little *sswipes ( hee- my word, not my T's ), so not paranoid. Infested. Sociopath is indeed a loaded term. I'm a little lucky ( ? ). My T pointed out something I'd forgotten, believe it or not. One of mine had actually tested on the scale for this on the MMPI years ago. She denies it now of course, and of course I have back-up or would not say it, sociopaths being what they are vindictive-wise.

I heard something else about sociopaths, on a ' marker '. It's brilliant if you think about. WISH I could remember where I heard it, anyone feel free to clue me in? Someone said you can tell a sociopath because even if it's a seemingly innocuous conversation, you always feel awful about yourself when they leave. Oh my goodness, that is awesome, isn't it? SO true, I think we all should have it tatooed on our hands so we remember it. I'd suggest tatooing it on the sociopath but most of them are so slimy, the ink would slide off.

I think there are certain personality types they're drawn to as easy targets, or we them, no idea what the chicken/egg solution is there.

 

[CraftyCath]

4. Gaming to take what they want

Niksgee, i love what you wrote, so accurate. Could you elaborate on the above point. I'm sure I know what it is but I just can't find it in my head. I think it will help me to understand these people more. Thanks. :hug:

Gizmo and Ammi. Oh boy these people really suck don't they.

you always feel awful about yourself when they leave.

Oh boy! Looking back I can't remember feeling good after these people left, only drained. Now I know why!

Huge hugs to all of you. :hug:

 

[anni]

It's not my post, Cath, so please excuse? You asked for clarity on the whole ' gaming to take what they want '. It's only what I'D take from it based on dealing with these 'people' ( using the term loosely.... ). They set you UP, or whomever it is who stands between them and their abysmal goal/goals, be it material gain or some kind of social advancement/power structure/accolades. By the time you've figured this out, it's with cold horror at the depth and sheer scope of their machinisations, plus the ruthlessness. generally it's all been so shocking that it's REALLY hard to believe 'it' yourself, much less convince other people what on earth they've been up to. YOU end up sounding like the crazy person. They've probably already acheived what they want, gamed their way to success and probably equally important in their heads, your demise in some specific way.

Still? Shine light on them. Darkness hates the bejeesis out of that. I've lost a LOT, being the victim of their games. They're still at it. There are protections you can put in place for yourself, mine will hit them like a ton of bricks if they don't figure out they're one straw away from overload. Nope, not a threat, it's just plain smart to never, ever trust them. I personally finally stuck an attorney between me and whatever on earth is in their game for me this time. Tired of dealing with the endless entanglements, we all have to move on you know?

Hey! Flea powder! Think that would work? :)

 

[GreenFrog2]

Excellent thread Lizio - the only people who understand are those who have been through it and had their lives destroyed.

The sociopaths biggest loss is the person who takes their independence back.

I agree Meadowsweet, but it is really hard when they want to keep on playing!

5. Finally when they realise there is nothing more that they can gain from you - Ruining begins, smear campaigns, lies told about you, theft, anything to ruin you.

If I am really lucky I am getting to this stage - maybe one day I will be free of them.

 

[anni]

What IS that, the schmear campaign? I genuinely, truly want to know. It takes a LOT, lot of energy to keep all that hate alive, wake up every, single morning thinking about how best to go 'get' someone. I seriously keep falling over the lies, both old and new. You know, bumping into someone who informs me of xyz, getting a call, a fall-out as a result of whatever on earth they've dreamed up to shellack you with, the endlessss plotting, yes, the thefts and don't forget damage to property. These people are the Energizer Bunnies of hate, it's never-ending.

 

[saffy]

One day I will get it into my head that I am not in that nightmare and that I don't have to be perfect. I just don't know how yet because my brain just won't let me. Duh!

I understand everything you wrote. you are not alone :)

Complete bum holes most people are, or at least the ones I used to attract. Now think sod them I am sick of trying to please someone who is never going to be satisfied.

They are not worth my time and effort and I certainly do not need their acceptance based on their conditions that are so impossible I just would never meet them no matter how hard I tried.

These type of people are the mental and disturbed ones, not me. I value my values and morals and am not here to prove anything to you or anyone else.

For me what people did weakened me as a person but no more. I am going to be stronger now and walk away from people who make me feel I have to be someone else or try so hard to be accepted it is tiring and disappointing.

I hope you can find your inner strength and inner peace and see these bumholes for who they really are, just that bumholes.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[p-no]

Lizio, thank you for your original post. It expresses exactly what I have felt for so long now. If you grow up with narcissists and sociopaths, psychopaths and all, you end up messed up. There's no way you wouldn't.

When I feel like you seem to have when writing the original post, which has been quite often over the last year or two, I can't and don't want to get any hugs or nice words. Then, nothing seems to be stronger than what those people have done to me. There are other times, too, now, when I am stronger than them and all they have done. But if things stay the way they are now, I don't know how to make it to 39.

I am hoping for better days for you, Lizio. Getting out, even bit by bit, is worth it. Every minute of peace is worth it.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Thank you all for your kind comments. I wrote this post a year ago and I was not in a good place. A lot has happened in a year. Very much ups and downs and me working out the effects of those monsters who dominated my life plus coping with my life now which is still turbulent.

I am working for those better days. I am stronger than I was because I have worked through a lot of stuff but I still have more to do. I have some very kind people around me now who have helped me. One of the most important things to me has been how I finally believe myself that the nightmares these people put me through were true. It was not me. I was not selfish and a monster and useless and evil. That was them twisting and manipulating me to control me.

Finally being able to talk about and write about my life and to have it verified that what happened was wrong, it was not me, it was not my fault. The damage these monsters do to our self-esteem, they change us, they rip our souls away, we no longer know who we are. In fact, as a child I did not even get a chance to become who I should have been.

Prime no I often think I will not make it to the next year. But, I have always had something inside me, a whisper of defiance that says they will not get all of me, I will make it. Even in my darkest moments, that whisper is there. I had that as a child, I just knew what my mother was and, despite all her power, I kept enough of me to survive. I hope things get better for you prime no. You will make it.

I have been so lucky in the last 2 years, really by accident I had to finally face my nightmares and by complete accident I found a psychologist who has helped me do that. If that had not happened I think my life now would be so much worse. But facing our demons is so hard, but it is still moving forward rather than stuck in the nightmare of being controlled and manipulated.

I have had to make some really hard decisions and I am still struggling to overcome the wreck of my life. I still have no idea how I will do all of this. But I feel more alive now than I did 2 years ago. I feel I am becoming me whatever that is. At this moment I feel glimmers of hope but then sometimes I feel so much in despair and hopelessness I just cannot move. But I always do in the end and I just know I am inching forward. Maybe it will not get better, than this but it is better than before, now I am out of the nightmare; it is better. If I have had the strength to get out of that nightmare and survive it there must be strength to get even better, I hope.

The lack of confidence and self-worth keeps me down. That is something to work on. What they do to our heads, they strip us of any self-worth. I do feel more peace than I did and it is worth it. So it is getting better. Just so hard sometimes to see that in the turmoil.

 

[safenow]

I personally finally stuck an attorney between me and whatever on earth is in their game for me this time.

You did the best thing you could.

 

[anni]

Funny, you see member's names out in the forum, sometimes read a little of what they're about then they'll haul off and write a blindlingly awesome bit of bio which seems kind of wasted here. ( no offense, you guys know I'm a FAN, right? :) ) I mean it'd be a wonderful synopsis for The Book which would help others, something for Oprah to point to when she's off on one of her lyrical verbal essays titled 'Hope'. Only a year, Lizio, for such a ton-load of processing and healing. Nice.

I'm glad I bumped into this thread, also started reading everyone's entanglments with these ridiculous people. Boy, it hasn't helped the PTSD one bit, you'd THINK with allll the tools and pre-knowledge I have I'd have learned a little somethin'. Dealing with Kooks and Toxic People 101, been there. I'm back in the nightmare of someone else's abusive man, stalked, the whole scenario. Enraging because I DID the right thing all those years ago with mine, faced him down, paid my price and defeated the swine, now have an entire band led by one of them sucking me into their h*ll.

Tell you what. It's a little like playing with nitroglycerine, having fun at their expense but it sure makes you feel less like you're under their control. They're in our email, so I write complete loads of cr*p to various people, also say just dreadful things about them for instance. The problem there would be that they can't admit they READ our email, it'll get you arrested in a big hurry so are forced to fume in silence. Pretty fun, I'm sorry. They could not possibly be more hateful, there's not a lot they haven't done inclusive of telling Mom to go shuffle off the planet. Anyway, I don't deliberately engage them on the same level they seem to crave, my point would be that sticking a little giggle into all the dreck is just plain helpful sometimes.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Wow, Anni, are you talking about what I wrote? Feel really flattered if you are, but embarassed to ask if you are not as my self worth issues always come in the way of believing anyone really thinks much of what I say. But I guess I am moving on as I am at least able to ask and ready to accept that that is not the case.

I'd like to think that something I write helps others in the same boat. Writing here has certainly helped me and all the wonderful advice I have gotten in reply and the examples set by the very couragious people on here but I feel I ramble too much and whine so much sometimes to really help others but would like to. So many suffer and messed up by these terrible abusers would like to show that it is possible to get over.

I mostly write in my diary as a way to work things out, the mess in my head causes me problems thinking and verbalising as there is just too much, but, somehow, writing it out it comes out clearer to me. But still so much in my head to work out, but I do feel like I have much clearer moments now. I have certainly been forced into some pretty major decisions and writing has helped with that and the advice here and my psychologist and my friends. Still so much to work out and move forward. Never believed I would get this far, still feel stuck but less panicky at the moment and thinking clearer.

Rough roller coaster ride and I am terrified of roller coasters but no choice but to ride one now.

 

[safenow]

Rough roller coaster ride and I am terrified of roller coasters but no choice but to ride one now.

I have used that same analogy.