I guess I'm at a crossroads. With springtime coming in, I've started to feel different. It's not really easy to put my finger on what exactly is going on, so I'll just tell it as it is.
I'm crying more. I never really 'cried' like this before. It's not the hopelessness cry. It's the type that makes me feel okay after. I get good from it. To me it feels like the proper way to cry, the proper emotions coming into play. I don't catch myself through crying going "What the hell was I crying about?" stop for a bit and then start over again. It's short, too. It's less than 2 minutes. I feel good after a cry.
The crying comes out after I've reached out. Today was calling my cousin and saying I want to hang out with his family more. I said that I needed it (tears are welling, I think that indicates to me that it's truth). I don't have any other family to have a relationship with because they're all shunning me because they're Jehovah's Witnesses and I'm not. My cousins father was a member of the Witnesses, got kicked out and now I'm in contact with him and more family. I've got family who understand and are willing to help me reconnect with the sense of family. I didn't have that for a decade.
It feels like healing. It's so damn scary, despite it also feeling good. I'm not used to this. I don't know if it's the depression lessening, but this depression has been going on for more than 10 years. I got something back I lost a long time ago. I got back into reading. I've got lots of books I've never read. Why? I don't know. But now with the taste of having family who care about me, coinciding was the interest in reading. I finished reading two books in less than a week.
Quitting smoking almost seems like a cakewalk when I take the nicotine patch. I feel better on it than not.
It's so confusing. I looked online and there's only sites that show symptoms of depression, for people who are looking for signs. Google doesn't understand the search for "signs of depression going away" so I'm on here asking. Does it sound like it's ebbing? I don't mind if it doesn't stay for good. I just want to know if it is what I think it is.
Anyways, thanks.
LD
I'm crying more. I never really 'cried' like this before. It's not the hopelessness cry. It's the type that makes me feel okay after. I get good from it. To me it feels like the proper way to cry, the proper emotions coming into play. I don't catch myself through crying going "What the hell was I crying about?" stop for a bit and then start over again. It's short, too. It's less than 2 minutes. I feel good after a cry.
The crying comes out after I've reached out. Today was calling my cousin and saying I want to hang out with his family more. I said that I needed it (tears are welling, I think that indicates to me that it's truth). I don't have any other family to have a relationship with because they're all shunning me because they're Jehovah's Witnesses and I'm not. My cousins father was a member of the Witnesses, got kicked out and now I'm in contact with him and more family. I've got family who understand and are willing to help me reconnect with the sense of family. I didn't have that for a decade.
It feels like healing. It's so damn scary, despite it also feeling good. I'm not used to this. I don't know if it's the depression lessening, but this depression has been going on for more than 10 years. I got something back I lost a long time ago. I got back into reading. I've got lots of books I've never read. Why? I don't know. But now with the taste of having family who care about me, coinciding was the interest in reading. I finished reading two books in less than a week.
Quitting smoking almost seems like a cakewalk when I take the nicotine patch. I feel better on it than not.
It's so confusing. I looked online and there's only sites that show symptoms of depression, for people who are looking for signs. Google doesn't understand the search for "signs of depression going away" so I'm on here asking. Does it sound like it's ebbing? I don't mind if it doesn't stay for good. I just want to know if it is what I think it is.
Anyways, thanks.
LD
