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Relationship Silently suffering

  • Post starter Post starter Deleted member 45360
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Deleted member 45360

How can I help my Veteran?
I think hes silent suffering is a scream for help. We are not together anymore, but remained friends. He still calls and texts occasionally and I still have lot of love and care for him.
Hes friendly and sweet in return when we do briefly ever talk. I think he still deeply cares about me and is longing to have a relationship, but at the same time is feeling not worthy of it.
We dont talk about feelings or status anymore and I dont pressure him or ask questions, althought Im sometimes left confused. I feel like hes reaching out, but has walls up the sky. So I dont even bother to figure it out anymore, I just let things be. And Im here for him if he needs a shoulder to lean on or a friend whenever he comes around. But last night he called, first he texted to see if Im awake, so I thought he wants to talk a whoe. He called, but sounded so weird, like he was really struggling with breathing and talking, he sounded exhausted and very sad, but acted as yes everything is ok when I asked him if hes ok? Was on the phone only for a minute to say hes tired, going to sleep and will call me tomorrow. I felt and heard this scraming pain in his voice. Hes so reserved with his emotions, but I could hear hes screaming suffering in his tone. Im really worried about him. His going through hard times I think, maybe its anniversary dates time or something. I can see he is clearly suffering, still trying to look and sound so strong and together, but hes not. I feel so bad and compassionate for him. I read an article written by a veteran, who encouraged silently suffering veterans to step up and ask for help. And how dangerous it can be if all their painful emotions are held inside. But how can we sufferesr help, I dont know what he needs, but clrearly he needs something, because he keeps coming around, calling, texting for a second, as he wants the emotional support, but then quickly runs again. Hes talked to me about suicidal thoughts in the past. Im worried for him. My dear sufferers, how can I help him, what he needs, is there anything I can do to help him at least to get him open up and talk about his pain, so he knows he doesnt have to hold it in and talking will maybe lift some of the pain and suffocation off his chest. :(
 
Nope.

You can't help him or fix anything. All you can do is call the authorities if you think he is going to hurt himself.

Just keep doing what you're doing in a calm and relaxed manner... answering his calls and texts when he reaches out.
 
Agreed--- sorry. When I'm in a hole the only way I'm going to get out is to see that I'm in a hole. No one can tell me I'm there. And it's awful because I don't always know what is wrong with me or how I landed in the hole in the first place. It's very confusing - and disheartening

I think the only thing you can do is to reassure him that you are there and listening....

You might suggest calling the VA hotline or a Vet Center as a way for him to connect with other veterans who can understand what he's going through. But don't make a big deal out of it -- just kind of a tossing it out there thing.
 
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