I just finished college a few months ago and I can definitely relate to reading a sentence or two here and there and spacing out with the rest. And then 15 minutes later forget what I just read. I also had a hell of a hard time comprehending what I was reading as I was just seeing words and not sentences/paragraphs that made sense.
If I went to university I honestly would have failed miserable, but college was a little more tame as far as content goes. I'm not sure what your courses entail but I graduated from the environmental program and while I've definitely struggled with the same things that are going on with you, I've learned to outsmart them a bit. Even when assigned chapters to read I eventually picked up certain trends after the first few tests, namely definitions. A large majority of the test were directly related to definition in some way shape or form, so instead of reading a million chapters I would just copy the definitions onto a piece of paper and used them as study notes. When the test rolled around I would read over the definitions constantly for a few days before hand and even though they may not make perfect sense and my memory wasn't nearly 100%, I would remember key words between definition and explanations.
Don't worry so much about the 1st test. I bombed the first biology test and ended up with a 87% final in the class and I'm no brain. When was the last time you were actually at school? It's going to take some time for your brain (ptsd or not) to get back into the swing of things. Also lower your expectations for yourself, you have ptsd and you've decided to go back to school, that's hard to do. Marks don't really matter to your employer, just get the piece of paper when when you graduate and go from there. A large majority of the things you learn in college are honestly just fluff and don't apply to the job you are going to do in the future. It also works in your favor that you are mature and have a background in the army, this shows you have know how to work hard and have discipline.
I look back at the first year of college and remember wanting to quit because I was so frustrated with what I was studying, how I could barely comprehend anything and the fear of failing. Not fun. But I put my head down and kept trucking and finally got the diploma. I was so happy to get out, the last few years did suck but it got me a job, so it was definitely worth the struggle looking back.
When you find yourself getting to the point of no return in regards to frustration with school, STOP. You're not going to get anywhere but more frustrated when you get into that state. I run, cycle and lift weights to help combat the frustration. I've also learned how to meditate which basically involves me turning my mind off and just feeling whatever I'm feeling non-judgmentally while breathing in with my stomach. I can remember doing that several times a day when I would get so anxious and overwhelmed.
Definitely not easy, but if you want it you will get it. Keep posting here to relieve some of the frustration. We've all gone through this to some degree or another. You won't get sympathy but you will get empathy.
