So Cal Turns To No Cal

[Upside Down Eagle]

I am forced to get angry at them to shut them down when they try to push conversation on me and I don't want to do that.

Hmm yeah I get that. Maybe you can tell them what you just told me though? I'm sure they'd get it. Sometimes you just need to process things. Talking really isn't always the answer.

Meds are just horrible, it's a shame we need them sometimes but honestly I also get angry at psychiatrists for prescribing them so easily (my psychiatrist answer to everything was medicine). I don't know what you were taking the meds for, but I am glad your are off it.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@shimmerz - I just wanted to add that I can relate to the indignation and anger of being accused of an alcoholic or of taking too many pain killers. I had to have my gallbladder out 5 years ago and before they diagnosed that to be the problem (which took 3 months and my insisting they do an ultasound). Along the way the test results from various blood work all indicated stuff that pointed to my consuming too much alcohol or taking too many pain killers. I wasn't drinking at the time as I was breastfeeding and I was taking a pain killer about 3-4 times a week in small doses (related to the pain from the gallbladder). They were diagnosing me with all kinds of scary diseases and such. It was horrible. It is so horrible to be dealing with doctors who won't listen to you. I just felt the need to add that since I left it out yesterday. I am still sending you positive vibes in hopes things will get better and more settled for you.

 

[shimmerz]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve , I am so sorry that you went through that! And while nurturing a new baby! OMG the stress! Every time I hear these stories or experience such things myself I a struck that few doctors and nurses are taught to be healers. Give me a healer over a 'practitioner' any day.

I am still sending you positive vibes in hopes things will get better and more settled for you

And I am jumping up and catching those vibes. Thank you for your kindness! :hug:

 

[Seagreen]

You know, I thought about this while I was reacting to the shock of it but after coming out of that shock I know that I could never trust him again. He left me homeless, penniless, without a hope-less. I couldn't trust that he would be there for me if I opened myself up to it again. I didn't see this in him before and friends were shocked given what they knew about him. He handled the PTSD well (very well) but doesn't seem to be so good at handling physical ailments. Funny.

I'm sorry, I misread part of your post. Glad to know that you are standing up for yourself in choosing not to allow this guy to continue to be part of your life. With all you have endured, you continue to advocate for yourself even during this time of vulnerability. That just goes to show how strong you are. I don't doubt that you will come back from this stronger than ever.

 

[shimmerz]

you continue to advocate for yourself even during this time of vulnerability

@Seagreen, thanks for the gem. I had missed this part while processing all of this. Before I would have been caught up in 'how I made him feel' and would have felt him more than me. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else but me. ;-) Your post helps me tons. Thank you! :hug:

 

[scout86]

Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else but me.

For what it's worth, it TOTALLY makes sense to me.

 

[Anarchy]

Before I would have been caught up in 'how I made him feel' and would have felt him more than me. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else but me. ;-)

I bought Beattie's "Codependent no more" last week - I can certainly identify with that.

My whole family, and my experience of 7 years at boarding school (with a narcissist deputy head, setting the tone of the place:blackeye:) infected me with some very confused boundaries, which really came to a head in my marriage.

It's good that you are aware of those boundaries now :hug:

 

[shimmerz]

It truly is a horror living vicariously through other people's (perceived) thoughts and emotions. I really like being able to 'feel me'. Thanks @Anarchy.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Off topic..... Hey @anthony, if @shimmerz is now in the USA, why does she still have the Canadian flag? Lag in updating?

 

[shimmerz]

lol. @Solara, clearly you haven't read the thread. I am not in the USA. The flag is correct for my location.