Well, it's a done deal. I drove out to California to meet my beloved. I was getting used to it, you know? I felt really disoriented though. I couldn't shake that feeling somehow. I got lost everywhere I went.
It hit like a freight train. It was Monday. The pain was incredible. I was delirious for two days until my love took me to the walk in clinic. They took me in, then sent me to the hospital and gave our money back because I was 'too sick'. Into the hospital I went. All bad. Pancreatitis. The doctors kept asking, tell us about your drinking problem. Ummm. Nope, no drinking problem here. After research, the best I can tell is that this was caused by the huge doses of clonazepam I have been on for upwards of 8 years. I had no idea what pancreatitis is or why people were insisting that I was a heavy drinker. This was Tuesday.
They put me on an iv mixture of morphine and potassium to rehydrate me and get my levels right. I started to be coherent again. They sent me on my way with mega pain killers. La night-mare. Home I went and rolled around in bed through Tuesday night and Wednesday.
Wednesday afternoon I was lucid enough to look up what pancreatitis was. I needed medical help ASAP. Now, how to get home in the condition I was in? Talked to my love and we got me a flight to Hamilton, Ontario - 2 hours away from my stomping ground. Flight arrived at 1 am. I am lucky enough to have a friend who was willing to pick me up. Stopover in Calgary with arrangements made that if I didn't make through Calgary I would go to hospital there with a friend to support me there if I needed it. La night-mare.
Customs let me through and arranged a wheelchair to get me to connecting flight in Calgary. They highly suggested that I not take the connecting flight and go straight to hospital in Calgary. Nope, Not this girl. Keep the punishment up - I can take it. lol. I got there somehow, went straight to hospital when I got to hometown. Spent a week in hospital. I won't even tell you how horrifying that was. I have been out of hospital for 2.5 weeks now. Flareups of the dread disease are still happening.
The day before being released I spoke to my beloved. He turned on me. Broke it off with anger and resentment for my having put him in such a position. I was destroyed. I went outside and called a friend to bring me smokes and balled my eyes out. My life felt shattered. My car had just been sold, all of my material goods were gone - I didn't even have a winter coat for crying out loud. All gone.
'go to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200'. As love lies bleeding, as I am struck by the gravity of my situation, I am mostly silent these days. My friends ask me to speak but I have to be honest. There are no words.
It hit like a freight train. It was Monday. The pain was incredible. I was delirious for two days until my love took me to the walk in clinic. They took me in, then sent me to the hospital and gave our money back because I was 'too sick'. Into the hospital I went. All bad. Pancreatitis. The doctors kept asking, tell us about your drinking problem. Ummm. Nope, no drinking problem here. After research, the best I can tell is that this was caused by the huge doses of clonazepam I have been on for upwards of 8 years. I had no idea what pancreatitis is or why people were insisting that I was a heavy drinker. This was Tuesday.
They put me on an iv mixture of morphine and potassium to rehydrate me and get my levels right. I started to be coherent again. They sent me on my way with mega pain killers. La night-mare. Home I went and rolled around in bed through Tuesday night and Wednesday.
Wednesday afternoon I was lucid enough to look up what pancreatitis was. I needed medical help ASAP. Now, how to get home in the condition I was in? Talked to my love and we got me a flight to Hamilton, Ontario - 2 hours away from my stomping ground. Flight arrived at 1 am. I am lucky enough to have a friend who was willing to pick me up. Stopover in Calgary with arrangements made that if I didn't make through Calgary I would go to hospital there with a friend to support me there if I needed it. La night-mare.
Customs let me through and arranged a wheelchair to get me to connecting flight in Calgary. They highly suggested that I not take the connecting flight and go straight to hospital in Calgary. Nope, Not this girl. Keep the punishment up - I can take it. lol. I got there somehow, went straight to hospital when I got to hometown. Spent a week in hospital. I won't even tell you how horrifying that was. I have been out of hospital for 2.5 weeks now. Flareups of the dread disease are still happening.
The day before being released I spoke to my beloved. He turned on me. Broke it off with anger and resentment for my having put him in such a position. I was destroyed. I went outside and called a friend to bring me smokes and balled my eyes out. My life felt shattered. My car had just been sold, all of my material goods were gone - I didn't even have a winter coat for crying out loud. All gone.
'go to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200'. As love lies bleeding, as I am struck by the gravity of my situation, I am mostly silent these days. My friends ask me to speak but I have to be honest. There are no words.
