So Close To Suicide...

[Goose]

I am at this point once again where i feel like I have no reason to live. Im so tired and depressed and I just dont want to feel this pain anymore. Im tired of fighting to keep my head above water.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I understand, I have also felt that way. You do not have to act on those feelings, you can feel them and live through them. If you feel you can't, please call the crisis line. This is a hard illness to have, but you have come to a good place for support.

 

[Goose]

What can I do to get passed this. It's become an everyday thing for the last several months. I'm pretty sure I need medication and therapy but I have no insurance and am on a very limited budget since I rarely am able to work. I feel like I'll never get the help in need and my life is passing me by.

 

[AS1975]

Life has passed me by most of my life, I'm currently at a point where the dreams just won't stop, I can't sleep and I'm always tired. I'm unemployed and broke as all f*ck. The only thing that ever stops me is the fact that there is no way I can do harm to myself without harming someone else, whether by finding me, having to clean up the mess or wondering where I am. I wouldn't wish this this pain on anyone else and I sure as hell cannot force myself to inflict it on anyone else.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I would start with some books at the library. Anthony has some on the website that would be good to read.

 

[nimkekaa]

Another idea is a self care list.

Make a list of as many things as you can that you enjoy doing. Things like take a long bath, read a book etc. Then when you are feeling this way you can pull out your list to find things you can do to be good to yourself.

To go one step further you can have an emergency box with something that makes you feel really good in it. Like maybe some scented bath salts, a good book, some candles and a chocolate bar. Then when you are really struggling you can pull out the box and treat yourself. (a lot of the above things you can get at the dollarstore)

I also second monster's suggestion of calling a crisis line. I live in Canada so I don't know what supports you have but there are many places to get free councelling here. The family doctor, the sexual assault centre, women's shelter.

I hope you find the help you need and I think you made a huge step coming here and asking for help. I have received a lot of support and invaluable information here and I hope that you do too.

 

[Goose]

What places could I check for free counseling? The self care kit is a really good idea, I've never thought about that before.

 

[Lady Vet]

i feel like I have no reason to live

Hi, Goose...I read what Monster wrote, and it's the truth. Feeling like you have no reason to live is absolutely not the same as having no reason to live. There are days (for me) when it feels like death is no longer the worst thing that can happen to me, but that's because I feel lost in the middle of the PTSD. I come here to this Forum where I am accepted unconditionally, even with all of the ugly truths that I carry in silence and shame out in the world, and I feel better. It always amazes me when it happens, but it's true.

I know how hard it is to get up everyday when you're so tired, and not just a surface tired, but an exhaustion that feels like gravy soaked bread all the way through your body, mind, and spirit. For me, what gets my ass up and moving when I want to give up is often nothing more than refusing to let the dark stories win....and so I trudge on, even when it's the hardest thing in the world to do, I trudge on. Because I refuse to let the darkness win.

I don't know what you need. . . .but I sit with you here in this space, in this moment, and I pray for your spirit to remember how strong it is, even when it feels soaked with exhaustion. And my spirit sends blessings to yours for the strength and courage to trudge on. . .because sometimes that's the best we can do until we make it home to the warmth and love that awaits us. Have faith in the warmth and the love. . . .because it does exist. And you will find it again, I promise.

But you have to trudge on. . . .no matter how exhausted you feel in this moment.

 

[KatB]

You guys give some great ideas; I like the whole emergency box. Plus, I ditto the crisis hotline.

The hotline has helped me sufficiently. The only drawback: limited conversation. But it is worth the while.

I know the exact feeling you are experiencing. I dont have the slightest clue on what you are going through but whatever it is you are, you are not alone.

 

[Sailorgal]

Goose,

What triggered this urgent situation?

The suggestions here are great. Remember that you are valuable...don't give up on yourself.

Hugs!!!!

 

[Goose]

Lady Vet, thank you for the kind words. I wish I had someone like you close by.

 

[Goose]

I recently lost both my young daughters. They were my world and the only blood kin I had in this world. They meant the world to me. The only support system I had was my bf and because of my loss and my issues with my PTSD caused us to completely break apart. To me not having my babies in my arms means I have no purpose. They were what kept me going.