SO frustrated and depressed feel like things will never improve

[Pauline]

I am so frustrated I feel like things will never improve for me i have dissociative identity disorder and its ruining my life i don't know if i am having flashbacks of my sexual abuse, i am griefing the fact that i never got to be a little girl, i have a bear and a moose (cuddly toys) and im trying to stop my self harming and lacking sleep. I had to move back home and I have no structure or routine I keep having memories of my dad hurting me but I don't think they are real, I don't can't seem to tell my mum about my abuse and my mum is thinking of sending me to hospital but I am seeing a counsellor, everything is a mess and I don't know what is happening to me and none of it is getting better, I don't know how long it is I have to wait for things to improve, I deserve to get better and it's not fair this is happening to me I don't want to give up on life but I don't want to live like this either.

Has anyone experinced this should I tell my mum my thought about my dad or leave it I've tried before but my mother didn't believe me everything is a mess I don't know how to fix my sexual abuse from my childhood it's not fair I am trying to stop self harming but the other things are getting in the way and I don't know how long I can put up and be strong with this.

 

[Keming]

I'm sad for what you're going through.

Don't wait for things to improve 'cause waiting takes too much time.

find little ways to take control in a Non-Destructive way. when I spiraled out, I rebuilt by focusing on coffee: make myself coffee, once every day. When that was easy, I added showers. Added meds at regular times.

Routine is important. Write a basic routine on paper or a calendar. Keep it real simple. Mine is: shower - walk - coffee - noonmeds - work - midnightmeds - sleep. every day.

Hope you can pull out of the spiral soon because it's hell.

 

[Pauline]

It's just so hard cause I want answers but I will never get them ?

 

[Sunandbutterflies]

I am so sorry for what you have experienced. I am thankful that your mom is trying to support you and that you are seeing a counselor. Have you spoken with your counselor about the thoughts and questions regarding your Dad? Would it be possible to speak with your counselor about your mom coming to part of a therapy session? Or ask your counselor to help you write a letter to your mom?

I am so sorry to hear of what you have experienced, but know that we are cheering for you. Maybe some of these resources would be helpful for you? Finding Your Voice & Healing from Abuse | A Listly List. Hope that helps.