At this point I have to ask a tough question. Does anyone want a better life? Who is getting secondary gain? Does someone have a vested interest in allowing this abuse/ victimization to continue? I am very sorry you and your SO are in this situation. I have had a past history of abuse/victimization as well. I learned a lot from the concepts of the human magnet syndrome. It is real. I do not like it. My husband passed away. I lived. Court granted legal last name change. I am still in the process of changing my outcome 6 years after almost dying from a toxic marriage.