Relationship So I Met Someone With Combat Ptsd...

[kittiekittie]

I have some experience with PTSD myself, but I've never really met anybody with combat ptsd. I know we experience similar symptoms, but I am assuming his are obviously far worse than mine. He is pretty open about things, and his mental health hasn't been the best. He isn't presently in therapy, but is medicated. He was in the infantry, and I do somewhat question his capacity for empathy and I know there is a very very good chance he isn't very emotionally available. I'm really hesitant to get too involved with him because I really have no idea what I'm up against, and I'm not 100% sure I can handle it.

Obviously I am taking things pretty seriously, and he is okay with that. I just feel really inept and uneducated about combat ptsd (and military in general) I am not sure what kind of questions I should be asking. Not only that but what sorts of things do I need to be cognizant about? I told him if he knows his triggers he needs to be upfront about it because I don't want to hammer on them accidentally when we can avoid that scenario.

To date he hasn't really been able to maintain a relationship in the long term. Suggestions? Things you wish you'd known sooner? Good resources? Insights?

How about good boundaries to have specific to combat vets?

Really any input at all is great. I've been creeping around the forum looking for tidbits already!

 

[keifer]

PTSD without help = bad. If I didn't help, I'd be dead within a year. I destroyed my relationship.

He needs help. If in the US, there are resources. Some easy and some hard. Took me over a month or more to find help.

Relationship, oh boy. I'd say no. Be freinds until he is in more control. I can't imagine having a relationship. A friend yes.

 

[kittiekittie]

He had a therapist but wasn't really jiving with him - I gave him the names of a couple specialists I knew of in our area that he hadn't heard of. I don't think he will get it into it with me too much about it right now, but I will bring it up again. He has great resources available to him, so it's really just all on him how much help he wants.

That's pretty much my line of thinking and nothing physical. I think as friends though we could be really great. I sense that things for him are pretty bad, but I can't get a good read on how bad. I can't tell how much of his bravado is real and how much is faked, but at the same time he seems brutally honest. I am definitely on my toes with this one.

 

[arfie]

My cPTSD is not combat related, but I started therapy in the Army and have attended some great workshops through the VA. I have known allot of folks with combat PTSD and their PTSD is as individualized as the rest of us. It is not a good idea to assume combat vet A is equal to combat vet B.

Just be yourself and let him take the lead in regard to his PTSD.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sufferers of Combat PTSD can get a bit aggressive and lash out at times, temper-wise. They are trained to be aggressive in "fight or flight" situations, and going through combat reinforces that. One of the things I had to learn with my Vet is to set firm boundaries about lashing-out behavior. I will not engage him in an argument, or listen to him when he lashes out, I will just remove myself from the situation, and he can contact me when he calms down. I know he is not meaning to hurt me, and that he loves me and cares about me, but that doesn't mean I have to listen to it. Also, it keeps things from escalating, and from him feeling even worse about those episodes than he already does.

They can also tend to be overprotective and hyper-vigilant. After what they have seen and where they have been, they want to protect their loved ones and their homes. Checking their perimeter, or investigating every noise they hear may be something that they have to do to feel a little more at ease. Sometimes this boils over into things you wouldn't even consider. For instance, I have inadvertently pissed off my Vet by being unaware of my surroundings or poor vehicle upkeep.

These are just some common, stereotypical Combat PTSD symptoms. Each Vet is going to have his own stressors and triggers, and his symptoms will vary. Communication is going to go a long way with your relationship, as well as getting help, and both of you educating yourselves about each other's disorders. Like others have said before, the VA is a good resource for him if he needs some help. There is also a good book that you can read called "The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy" by Diane England. It has some good advice for supporters of combat vets. Also, there are a lot of supporters here that are with combat vets, sometimes it helps to talk to others who understand.