Yes - couldn't sleep next to him for a week before I left. Heart would pound constantly. When I first went to trauma spec. at DV and was so embarrassed for ignoring (maybe unconsciously) the warning signs I felt stupid. DO NOT fall into this trap of thinking - most survivors feel this way - honestly! AWESOME! Please consider going to the police station to file a protection order and to tell them of abuse and his threat to kill you today. That way there is a trail, he's on their radar. Your local DV advocate can assist in all of this, even relocations. I'd talk to them before quitting your job. Just an idea. Don't feel like an idiot please - there's trauma bonding and a whole bunch of other stuff - you've essentially been brainwashed and gaslighted for a long time. I felt like one too. I am so glad that you were able to leave, you will be in my prayers, and I wish you safety and strength to do this. You CAN!! You should give yourself a giant pat on the back. That's brave. Not idiocracy.