Relationship So In Trauma Spiral Suffered New Trauma

[TheMinsterman]

I've posted here a few times about my relationship, long story short, my SO/ExSO hit a PTSD spiral, things have been very strained since. At her uni halls somebody already tried to assault her, she then got into a friendship with what I can only describe as a narcissist. I acknowledge these aren't my fault etc, that isn't so much the issue here.

Tonight, she came to me, asking for a hug (she hasn't asked for one of those in months). She said she was an idiot, she wanted a time machine to go back five hours. She then said she wanted to be in bed by 8 but was instead in trauma.

Something has evidently happened tonight, something very upsetting (her trauma is related to sexual assault and aggression) and I really need some help. I'm incredibly worried about her and what has happened (she didn't say, and I didn't push her to), I wanted some advice, even though it's been a while since I made a thread here about myself.

What do you do when your sufferer is in a spiral already and something traumatic happens to them?

I've offered my support in any way that she feels will help her, I've not pushed her to tell me what happened either, but obviously if something serious has happened it's not the same as before, when we've been stable.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I don't want to make any mistakes that could be avoided and I want to be supportive.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Honestly, what she said was pretty vague. Was it a "T"rauma or a "t"rauma? Does she need to seek medical attention or call the police? Was she bodily assaulted or was it emotional, etc?

You can't do anything if she is being vague.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Honestly, what she said was pretty vague. Was it a "T"rauma or a "t"rauma? Does she need to seek med...

It was vague, yes, sadly. She wouldn't call the police anyway I don't think, regardless, she doesn't trust them, but obviously if I can get her to explain a little more it may be wise to try and persuade her to leave her halls at university for her own long term safety.

The vagueness is quite frustrating admittedly, but, the fact she has come straight to me after a lot of problems suggests it isn't something small. I obviously hope she hasn't been hurt.

 

[TheMinsterman]

She still hasn't elaborated (nor will I force her to), I am a little worried she is determined to just get through all of this alone, it hurt emotionally before but I accepted that... now, because I fear she is in actual danger of further trauma I must admit my worry has returned, it's one thing that she went into a spiral and was damaging herself emotionally, it's another when somebody else might be causing her more trauma.

Maybe I am a sap, I know I can't fix or save her, but if she accepted some support I could do so much more.

 

[scout86]

because I fear she is in actual danger of further trauma

That seems like a pretty legitimate piece of information to ask for. She doesn't have to tell you details to tell you if she thinks she in actual danger going forward. And, from her perspective, sometimes pausing long enough to ask, and accurately answer, that question can be pretty useful.

 

[TheMinsterman]

That seems like a pretty legitimate piece of information to ask for. She doesn't have to tell you detai...

Yeah, that's my issue... I've worked hard to get to a point where I just let things be, let her make her choices etc, but she keeps asking me to be a friend for her for now and I just feel my duty, as a friend that she asks for, to make sure she is at least not in danger of further trauma as much as I can without "forcing" her to do anything she doesn't want to.