General So many issues....

[Guardian1014]

Hey everyone. As you all know, if you have followed my posts, my husband is a combat veteran with severe PTSD. We have a wonderful 18 month old son that we love to pieces. But, DH (darling husband) has some...problems that he won't work on. Now let me clarify. His father committed suicide at the end of September. DH hadn't talked to him in a year, due to his inability to forgive and make amends. Since then DH can't deal with anything, (he has always had difficulties with this but was getting better). He needs a constant supply of weed. He says it puts everything on "pause". Which also means he hasn't grieved properly. When he doesn't have it, he is in a horrible mood and sleeps ALL THE TIME. His fuse is so short, we can be having a regular conversation about a mundane topic and he will "go off" on some imagined slight to him in my voice. He was very angry the other day. He said he has no control. The LO won't listen to him, I don't listen to him and neither do the animals. He woke up like this after a night filled with nightmares. ( He has nightmares often) He refuses to talk to his psychiatrist, because it's not in person and it's over a tv screen. He won't sleep in bed with me and sleeps on the couch (going on a few years now), yet when I am not in bed he will sleep there with no issues....I'm hurt and depressed. I can't help him when everything is my fault and he doesn't want help.....

 

[Sweetpea76]

That sucks out loud. Untreated PTSD is a beast. :hug: If you accept them.

 

[EveHarrington]

Until he decides that he wants help and wants to heal, this is as good as it gets. Untreated PTSD oftentimes gets worse. Sorry to say....

 

[Guardian1014]

He isn't untreated. He takes meds every day to help.

 

[Freida]

Meds treat the symptoms not the cause. They can be fabulous but he also has to be willing to do the work on coping skills.

Another thought...the amount of weed he smoking maybe affecting his prescriptions so they are not working as well

 

[Sweetpea76]

Mine is medicated but not treated. There is a big difference between throwing meds at these guys and actually treating them so they can make any kind of progress. Unfortunately that seems to be the VAs go-to.

Mine actually had to go inpatient at a veteran ran treatment facility geared for combat PTSD NOT ran by the VA. The swat team had to come get him out of the house, then decided a 72 hour hold would handle that situation just fine and dandy. Then the VA decided that a half hour of therapy once a month was appropriate for that level of PTSD, so he stopped going. Thank god for the facility he went to... the time he spent there is the only reason he's still alive. It wasn't nearly enough though. Not by a long shot.

Now, even though he's medicated and has had treatment in the past, I still consider him untreated. He's just marinating in his symptoms and needs waaaaaaay more help and actual treatment than he's getting.

 

[Sighs]

I guess "untreated" and "not adequately treated" get you to the same place - up shit creek without a paddle.

 

[LuckiLee]

@Guardian1014. So sorry your guy is in such a bad place right now! And I know how hard it is for you especially with a baby.

I have to say J really lucked out with his care through the VA. He was ready to give up! Noose made and everything. For whatever reason they got him in right away and stabilized him. The work /therapy program was an answered prayer we didn't know we had. He took care of so many wonderful veterans. Tuskegee airmen and a female pilots and Vietnam Vets. They helped him more than any medication ever could have.

J's been working the program for 5 years. Faithfully. And some days completely suck! You've seen my diary. PTSD f**king sucks. We have times just like you describe too. He has nightmares every night. Alot of times ALL night. He'd rather stay on the couch instead of toss and turn in bed with me. Sometimes he'll just stay till I fall asleep. Sometimes nope not gonna happen. The couch it is. But he always tucks me in. Every night. Even on the shit days. Nightmares are horrid. All his other symptoms would be so much more manageable if he could get regular sleep!


J's been smoking more mj lately too. Says it lessens the anxiety immediately. And doesn't mess with his stomach like his meds do. Yes. He still takes his meds too.

I'm rambling now. Just want you to know I can relate. I really hope your guy decides to take care of himself in the meantime take care of you and LO.

✌ & ❤ to you and your veteran!

 

[LuckiLee]

A couple more things about nightmares....

When J wakes up from them he can be in a really bad place! So I give him his space in the morning. On the weekends I literally don't say a word until he does. I might say good morning. If he takes a nap he could have 10 or more nightmares in a matter of an hour. And I know it's not gonna be good when he wakes up so I go in a different room and do my own thing. He can wake up extremely nasty. He's still in some shit hole fighting for his life.

When he can sleep . I let him.

Good luck with everything!
XO

 

[Freida]

He's still in some shit hole fighting for his life

I did alot of sleep walking until my nightmares got under control (fingers crossed ) and my poor hubby had to learn fast not to touch me until he knew I was completely awake. Otherwise I would fight because I didn't know who he was. I knew I needed to get serious about help the night I woke up in the kitchen armed with a knife and had no idea if I was going to use it on me or him.

I can't image what J is going thru -- I only had a fraction of the bad stuff and it was miserable. With his history?? damn.