Relationship So Sorry I Wanted To Spend A Moment

[hopelives]

Well this is a vent.

This morning my husband came up all whiney that the kids had woken him up by dropping something at 6.30 this morning he didn't come up here till 8.30 so Im sure the extra 2 hours didnt help at all. Try being woken up a few times during the night. Anyway

I gave him a few moments grace so he could get breakfast as he doesn't like to be spoken to while doing this. He than went to leave I said Oh you are going. He's like yeah WHY. I said I thought we could spend a few moments together. He was put out and angry by this and just totally ruined the moment we might have had. He sat on the verandah and was cranky and just foul mood. I said dont worry about it. I was nice but obviously hurt. He told me that I was whiney for wanted time with him and I was being needy. I said dont worry about it I dont need or want you right now.Again I just walked away and wasn't mean or angry.

I know I know I shouldn't take it personal but please it is the first day of a new year and like very year I have known him he has ruined it for me. It is his mums birthday which ruins the day for him. BUT it is also the new day of a NEW year. GOD I am so over this.

Every bloody special occassion is ruined by him and his CPTSD. AHHHHHHH so annoyed. I am not going to let his ruin my day but heck he is a pain.

 

[Nicolette]

Every bloody special occassion is ruined by him and his CPTSD. AHHHHHHH so annoyed. I am not going to let his ruin my day but heck he is a pain.

I hear your understandable frustration sickofit. ((hugs)). PTSD is a monster and you never know when it will come out to play but some times are predictable :rolleyes:

 

[hopelives]

Well he came and appolgised and said that things are just really really hard for him today.

The predictable part is so true. Just sometimes I wish it were different.

 

[lovinbiker]

. Just sometimes I wish it were different.

I think you say what nearly all carers and indeed sufferers feel.

I think all you can do in this situtation is try and remember that he doesnt want to be like this and must feel awful that hes putting you through it too. Hence he appologised for it.
I dont wish this to sound harsh but you say every special occasion is ruined by his cptsd,
can I suggest that maybe on the next special occasion you do something fun with your kids, you doing something without him, so that at least you can enjoy that special occasion.
I appreciate that having him be able to enjoy it with you would be better but in the interim until he is able to cope with his symptoms better it shouldnt stop you enjoying special occasions.

Not sure I can really say anymore other than
Happy new year
Take care
LB

 

[Jestadud]

I don't know perhaps its how we read thing's, but it sounds like a set up if the same thing happens every special occasion. If it's predictable why not do something different like let him go without any comment?

 

[hopelives]

I don't know perhaps its how we read thing's, but it sounds like a set up if the same thing happens every special occasion. If it's predictable why not do something different like let him go without any comment?

EXCUSE ME a set up!!!! It is not a set up just simply me being happy and excited about something and trying to convey that and being so busy with my kids that I just get to a point of going OH that's right.

 

[hopelives]

I think you say what nearly all carers and indeed sufferers feel.

I think all you can do in this situtation is try and remember that he doesnt want to be like this and must feel awful that hes putting you through it too. Hence he appologised for it.
I dont wish this to sound harsh but you say every special occasion is ruined by his cptsd,
can I suggest that maybe on the next special occasion you do something fun with your kids, you doing something without him, so that at least you can enjoy that special occasion.
I appreciate that having him be able to enjoy it with you would be better but in the interim until he is able to cope with his symptoms better it shouldnt stop you enjoying special occasions.

I do and have had fun with the kids and usually do. I just get tired that my partner in life has his face around his bum on all the days that are exciting to me.And Im not made of stone and I tend to be sensitive to those I love. I just find that even when I try to be nice he still snaps at me.

As I said this is a vent. I do understand he is suffering and doesn't want to be this way but man it is quiet exhausting and disappointing. My husband understood that and has appologised.

He also organised for old freinds to come over tomorrow I now have to make arrangements for that and also rearrange plans due to him being unwell. I feel slightly frustrated at that as I told him to not make big plans with people unless he knew he could do it. But anyway I will arrange and take care of that.

 

[Jestadud]

Back here because I had an alert about being quoted.

I don't want to upset you sickofit, but trying to give a view from the other side. If your partner wants to slope off in the morning why try to pin him down?

Sometimes we know things are going to upset us and don't want to go through them. We choose a path of least disruption. When forced our back is already up and we are on the defensive.

 

[hopelives]

Sometimes we know things are going to upset us and don't want to go through them. We choose a path of least disruption. When forced our back is already up and we are on the defensive.

Yes I do understand and yeah if I stop being defensive I do see what you are trying to say.

Ahwell he just came up and said he wants a few days to himself. Yeah so what am I suppose to do tomorrow with his friends. Ah.

 

[Nicolette]

what am I suppose to do tomorrow with his friends.

Nothing.... he is a grown man and his responsibility. My only suggestion would be to remind him that they are coming or that he is seeing them. That way he can alter the arrangements if need be.

If you are supposed to be going somewhere with your husband to meet his friends I would prepare myself for either option - going or not. I would just confirm with him in the morning whether you are both still going and surely he will then tell you if he would not like you to go along. Don't invite the option of you not going unless, of course, you don't want to but don't do that out of spite either.

 

[Jestadud]

I'm not making excuses for him but maybe his friends already know he has a stress problem so you could use that, if they don't maybe you could ease his burden by claiming your part in the misunderstanding about the arrangements.

Another idea us to go ahead without him, chances are this might make him reconsider his position.

 

[hopelives]

Well we have sorted it out a bit. THe people are my friends as well they have 4 kids. The wife apparently has all these food allergies so I have to find out what they are. I think I will ring and organise with her what to do. The guys just kind of put the day together and with 9 kids between us and rain we will have to organise something. :)