Social Anxiety - The Worst!

[lisamarie]

I have had so many social engagements lately. I usually make excuses and don't go to them, but I have been forcing myself to go. In the past couple weeks I have had: a court date (traffic tickets), dinner for my girlfriend's birthday, baby shower, company retreat, and now I am going on "vacation" (I put it in quotes because two strangers are going and I'm FREAKED OUT around people I don't know.

I just wish I didn't have all of this social anxiety. I force myself to go out to these things because I know it is just an unhealthy cycle for me to isolate myself.

Any tips for dealing with social anxiety?

 

[Alex1991]

I have anxiety issues with crowds and iv found im ok when im with someone I trust. Just find them...and stick to them and you'll be fine :)

Alex

 

[wallflower]

This is one thing that I'd really like to change about myself. In a crowd, I just feel awkward and like I don't belong.

 

[lisamarie]

This is one thing that I'd really like to change about myself. In a crowd, I just feel awkward and like I don't belong.

Yep, that is EXACTLY how I feel! A sense of inferiority! It is bad. I'm working on it in therapy.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi Lisa Marie,

This is something that I noticed in myself. Social phobia/ anxiety is about interactions in social situations with others and it has elements of low confidence. It is harder than phobias as most people can avoid a phobia, but none can avoid a social interaction, so it is classified slightly differently as resulting in either avoidance or endured with intense stress.

- excessively high expectations of my own social performance,
- concerns of consequences of social actions,
- negative self-beliefs.
- over monitoring self behaviours in social situations
- view self only from perspective of others in social situations
- distorted image of self which is apart from others (inferiority feeling)
- safety seeking behaviours to hide the reaction i.e fear of blushing, open a window
- over processing social cues, like over analysing what someone said as disapproval about yourself
- hypervigilance
- pre-event social anxiety that involves low expectations of performance (you can see how anxiety occurrs when combined with point 1 on this list)

It doesn't surprise me that social phobias/ anxiety goes hand in hand with PTSD. There are many of us here that are working through these types of things. I'm working on this in myself at the moment and my low confidence. The negative thought processes affect anxiety, and when we affect anxiety we end up in the anxiety circle becoming unwell. If our feelings about ourselves (our mood) is particularly miserable in the first place, this inflames the social phobia.

So, it's a good thing to explore and work on these things. Here if you want to chat.

 

[Taven Carlsen]

Taking lots of time to shape up what I say before I say it. Unfortunately that still leaves my startling/avoidance stuff, which makes it obvious I have some weird social avoidance problem.

 

[John 73]

That's how I feel, like I dont belong anywhere like I don't fit in anywhere or with anyone

 

[Srain]

I have a terrible time with this and always have, it just seems now I'm hyper aware of it. My sensory overload can get out of control leaving me unable to follow conversations and speechless should anyone try to engage me.

I do better if I am with someone I trust, if there will be someone else there I truly feel comfortable with and can talk about something I don't have to think too intensely about, and if I can find a reasonably comfortable place to park myself. Too much activity around me makes me jittery and distracted.

Each situation is different so I just have to assess what I'm up to.

Peace,
Rain

 

[lisamarie]

I don't know what changed in me, or if its temporary, or what, but my social anxiety, which would usually be like an eight out of ten probably, is like a two or a three this whole trip -- the vacation I previously mentioned. I did an EMDR session surrounding around issues of feeling rejected/inferior/not fitting in the day before I left for vacation, and I guess maybe I'll attribute this to that? The fact is that I HAVE felt rejected by some of the people on the trip, but I just don't care! We processed in the EMDR session the first time I felt rejected/etc. and I came up with a new belief, and I really processed this is my head that I actually legitimately DON'T fit in with a lot of "normal" people for a couple of different reasons. And I guess -- at least for this WEEK that I've been away -- I have accepted that.

So, AMAZINGLY ENOUGH, I have had an AWESOME vacation. When I didn't want to be around other people, I just said, no, I don't want to go here or there, and I did my own thing. Like right now. They are all out riding scooters (my PTSD tells me that's dangerous, LOL) so I said, nope, and I'm chilling on the balcony overlooking the bay writing on this message board. I think being by the water all week has been the most healing thing I could have done for myself.

So, "just for today" -- success! :D

 

[Alex1991]

Thats great to hear. Well Done!!

Alex

 

[PTSD sufferer]

I am a great supporter of EMDR and it really did have positive results for me around trauma specific feelings. It has not really helped me with my social anxiety. I am better in small groups of 2 or 4, but anything larger than that is really difficult. I had a major melt down and couldn't enter a room of 30 people one day, because of my anxiety, I thought everyone was negatively judging me. This is something I really need to work on.

It takes me years to develop friendships that I am comfortable to spend just an hour with, but I still can't do a half day. Then when one of my (very small group of friends) says something negative to me...like how the colour of the cloths I wear are boring and dull (I dont like bringing attention on myself), I end up in a very anxious and unhappy place. I over analyse these comments and it turns into negative self talk easily. They don't know about my illness so I cant really blame them...but it seems to me that common curtsy and politeness went out the window for most of the people I meet.

These sorts of things should just wash over me, like they do normal people. But, it really hurts me and I break out into a sweat easily. I try to meet people, but even a chat in the supermarket line with a stranger has me blush uncontrollably. Then I feel like an idiot, I should have said this, done this type thinking.

I'm not surprised about my lack of confidence, I know where it comes from and how it developed over time. I know why I can't walk into a conference room, I know why I don't develop friendships easily and I know why I wear dull cloths. But how do you change that cycle? Still don't know.

 

[lisamarie]

Then when one of my (very small group of friends) says something negative to me...like how the colour of the cloths I wear are boring and dull (I dont like bringing attention on myself), I end up in a very anxious and unhappy place. I over analyse these comments and it turns into negative self talk easily. They don't know about my illness so I cant really blame them...but it seems to me that common curtsy and politeness went out the window for most of the people I meet.

These sorts of things should just wash over me, like they do normal people. But, it really hurts me and I break out into a sweat easily. I try to meet people, but even a chat in the supermarket line with a stranger has me blush uncontrollably. Then I feel like an idiot, I should have said this, done this type thinking.

I can totally relate to this. I am so incredibly sensitive to any sort of negative comment. I am just a deeply emotional person, even before the PTSD, but the PTSD has made it a million times moreso. I also get very caught up quickly in negative self-talk.