Social Anxiety - The Worst!

[AzureMind]

Aw, Man, can I relate to all that's being said here; my anxiety is so bad, that I'm usually avoidant, or don't care to be around people anymore; I skipped a summer function at my aunt and uncles house this 4th of July, and I feel that people think I'm weird because of how I behave; I just don't like having people around me, and the fewer the better; there's less to worry, panic, and be anxious about.

Having a job where I'm around lots of people and have to interact stresses me out; having this strange 'phobic' reaction to people, where I'm nervous they may release this inner 'lunatic' around me is what bothers me...I hate being around people who can't conrol themselves, or who can't just be relaxed. As it is, I have a hard time being around people who expend alot of energy, but when my anxiety is high, the anxiety/stress just shows through on my face EVERYTIME. :mad:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I just have a real hard time being around people. I do ok with my family. I do ok with my neighbors. I do not see them very much. I do ok with casual contact. I can do small talk if I have to. I use to be painfully shy. I had a real hard time in groups, still do. I have a hard time thinking of what to say to people I do not know. It is painfully uncomfortable for me.

I am really happy you had such a good vacation. Congratulations:cool:

Now that you have had some success mabe the next step will get easier. I think we need alot more practice than the average person. I do not have confidence in a group of people. And it depends on the group too. So I do not do this very often.

Tommorow I will go to a new place to get my nails done. I will have some anxiety driving over there. It will be strangers that I do not know. I will be ok. I use alot of self talk, It will turn out ok.

This is a really good thread, thanks for bringing it up.

 

[lisamarie]

I had a "small" victory today. I had court for a minor traffic violation....I initially went like two weeks ago and brought a friend with me because of my horrible social anxiety. Well at the time for some reason the judge was going to assess me some insane fine and told me that if I wanted to plead "not guilty" and talk to the prosecutor, I'd have to come back another day. I decided that I wasn't going to let my anxiety cost me hundreds of extra dollars. :laugh:

So I went back to court today -- alone!!!!! I did it, walked into the court room, got up in front of the judge and talked -- twice!! The whole thing. So anyway, pretty proud. And I saved myself several hundred dollars in the process because both minor tickets (I didn't have my documentation on me) were dismissed with just court costs. :D

 

[AzureMind]

I guess since we're all sharing, I will to then! I applied for a job, and it's a job in a restaurant ( :eek: Whoa!) but I did it, and I was honest about it. I'm not so worried about getting the job; I hope I do, but even still, I know I'll be ok, because I've filled out apps for other places, and someone's bound to give me a shot. If not, I'll just keep plugging away until something gives! I'm NOT a quitter, and I'm gonna be ok, I KNOW i'll be ok! ;)

But it's alot easier to be 'myself' with you all than with other people....They just don't get it, or maybe they're better at hidding it? Idk, but At LEAST I have everyone on here...that's good enough for me! :)

 

[PTSD sufferer]

where I'm nervous they may release this inner 'lunatic' around me is what bothers me...I hate being around people who can't conrol themselves, or who can't just be relaxed. As it is, I have a hard time being around people who expend alot of energy :mad:

AzureMind

This is very true for me too. If people speed talk and are bouncing off the walls, my anxiety goes to panic quickly. I guess this is also trauma related for me, people trying to confuse me and not being in control of themselves.

I also get it the other way around. If I am cool, calm and collected, then I become the target of others negativity and adult tantrums. Apparently, if everyone else is behaving badly and I am not, there is something 'wrong' with me and I am not 'normal'. It's a real double edged sword for me.

I am so glad that you are pursing a restaurant job. I try to overcome my anxiety through exposure, and I probably need to be kinder and more patient with myself. To 'try' is a great achievement in our path to healing.

Gizmo,

I have always been a shy person too. But, often have a calm and relaxed exterior to myself (I internalise everything), and it comes out when I am away from the environment. I think it is low confidence and self consciousness that makes me this way.

You are doing really well though Gizmo, my nails are chewed to the bone, I gave up on 'feeling pretty' a long time ago. Perhaps, I should make more of an effort, but I was never taught how to 'look' beautiful. I also hate when people say I'm 'pretty' as this is usually an attempt to hide the abuse that came before and after that. I seem to take compliments as hard as I do criticisms...sigh...

Lisa Marie,

Well done! You are doing so well and having so many achievements! I am very happy for you!

It is the negative self talk cycle is't it and I am tired to having to run the logical argument in my head about this negative self talk and not succeeding. Guess I need to go back to my 'core beliefs' and try to re-frame them.

Glad we have each other on this journey :)

 

[AzureMind]

AzureMind

This is very true for me too. If people speed talk and are bouncing off the walls, my anxiety goes to panic quickly. I guess this is also trauma related for me, people trying to confuse me and not being in control of themselves.

I also get it the other way around. If I am cool, calm and collected, then I become the target of others negativity and adult tantrums. Apparently, if everyone else is behaving badly and I am not, there is something 'wrong' with me and I am not 'normal'. It's a real double edged sword for me.

Oh yea PTSDsufferer , hyper, manic people, can't do them; nope, I make NO apologies for not be able to be around them either. I spent seconds, of minutes, of hours, of days, of YEARS wondering 'what's gonna happen next?!" Now, I'm basically burnt out; I'm tired, and I just can't get angry anymore; It drains me when I have to be angry about something, (which causes me to dissociate) and when I'm around people who bounce off the walls. The SAME goes for me when I'm calm and collected; I'm a MAGNET for adult tantrums, and negativity! It drives me BAT-:poop: CRAZY!:laugh: I figure since people like that are usually in the body of adults I tend to expect them to act accordingly, but apparently, some people never psychologically mature. They don't understand how deal with someone who NEEDS to have that peace, and calm in their environment, especially if they've never gotten that growing up; my childhood was chaos, isolation, and depression, and easily swung between these three at any moments notice; I try to remain calm to keep my emotional/nervous system from going off the charts; it helps give me some element of control in my life, when I never had it; mommy and daddy wasn't exactly worried about my development growing up, and I never got to be much of a little kid, so here I am, a pack of 'Ports, and a wry smile on my face. :sneaky:

To be honest though, I think the reason why most people who are the bouncing balls of energy lack the ability to control themselves at times is because most people are extroverts, and just have to tell you what's on their minds, and have to share every bit of their emotional states with you, and expect you to be that person too! The guy with the same personality/way of relating all day every day...most people just don't understand what it's like to suffer with this disorder, and ignorance is at heart the main problem with this.

 

[Traumagirl]

Since my mother always told me that no one likes me, I really do feel like I don't belong almost anywhere. It definitely adds to my anxiety. It even shows up with close friends. Having Chronic Fatigue syndrome makes social experiences totally exhausting.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

I figure since people like that are usually in the body of adults I tend to expect them to act accordingly, but apparently, some people never psychologically mature.

I couldn't have put it better Azure! I expect them to behave like adults but you are right they are not psychologically mature at all.

most people are extroverts, and just have to tell you what's on their minds, and have to share every bit of their emotional states with you, and expect you to be that person too!

This really hit home with me. It's the sharing of emotional states that exhausts me the most. Other people's ups, downs, manics and lectures....really makes me want to crawl into a ball and not socialise at all.

I was at lunch with a couple of people who have never experienced a mental illness, let alone depression (who also don't know about my illness) and they went on an on about 'depression' for hours when they dont understand the difference between depression as symptom of a mental illness and not just 'feeling a bit sad'! The solution from one of them was that these people should just go out and help other people and that would make them happy ---moron! It brought everyones mood right down and we were all miserable after that lecture.

Since my mother always told me that no one likes me, I really do feel like I don't belong almost anywhere.

What a horrible mother! Some people don't deserve the title 'mother' or 'father'. I can empathise with you Traumagirl, my 'parents' gave me many core beliefs that have caused me such difficulty in social settings. For me it was 'not good enough', 'worthless', 'failure' and 'who would love you' type beliefs. It really affects our confidence and anxiety.

CFS is really hard going. I developed CFS in my childhood and it was used as an excuse to control and abuse me throughout my life. Apparently, I would never amount to anything because of it, yet if I did everything they said that was not draining at all on me. They never really realised that CFS can be caused by emotional distress as much as anything else and they made me unwell in the first place! Grrr

Trauma girl, don't listen to your mothers negative talk. I imagine she is the one not liked for the nasty things she says and not you! It's called 'mirroring' when someone makes these claims about others, when it is actually how they feel about themselves. Her problem and not your problem, ok.

 

[Traumagirl]

Thanks, PTSD sufferer.

 

[jaiya2012]

I thought it was just me until I read the posts. I hate to be in crowds I panic. I have to sit with my back to the wall with visual ability to see all exits and who is coming and going. I trust no one went to lunch last week with a friend ( she dragged me) and they asked her for her name to call her when her food was ready really I thought that was weird well It was my turn I ordered he asked my name I said nope not giving it to you he looked at me like I was nuts. He asked again I said no cant do it. I do this because I fear someone hearing my name and someone that knows the person who did what they did to me will recognize it and let him know where I am. In some ways I know this is overreacting but is it really. I let my guard down once and it happened in a another situation.

I am always scanning my surrounding and watch everyone around me. I have the whole flight thing going on. I look like a fool if someone drops something or any loud noises I jump and get panicked. I don't like going out anymore avoid invites. No way to live really even going to the store is a joke.

lol should see me on the bus not good at all so now I walk and that is not all that great because I am a wreck when I do. People with me notice how I act I thought I was hiding it pretty good guess not no one likes to go anyplace with me anymore.

 

[lisamarie]

I totally understand. I scan crowds a lot too. I don't even know why. I think at first it was to look for my abuser, now I just don't trust anyone. I too can't stand people behind me. The grocery store -- should be my favorite place because I love cooking AND eating -- can be a nightmare for me. Too many people all surrounding me.

I think in some ways I've gotten better, some worse.

 

[Rainbow_Habitué]

LisaMarie: Awesome! I'm so glad you had a great time on your vacation! And congrats on winning your traffic-court-case!! Here's to things going well!:coffee: ;)

Hi Lisa Marie,

This is something that I noticed in myself. Social phobia/ anxiety is about interactions in social situations with others and it has elements of low confidence. It is harder than phobias as most people can avoid a phobia, but none can avoid a social interaction, so it is classified slightly differently as resulting in either avoidance or endured with intense stress.

- excessively high expectations of my own social performance,
- concerns of consequences of social actions,
- negative self-beliefs.
- over monitoring self behaviours in social situations
- view self only from perspective of others in social situations
- distorted image of self which is apart from others (inferiority feeling)
- safety seeking behaviours to hide the reaction i.e fear of blushing, open a window
- over processing social cues, like over analysing what someone said as disapproval about yourself
- hypervigilance
- pre-event social anxiety that involves low expectations of performance (you can see how anxiety occurrs when combined with point 1 on this list)

The only one of these I don't have is the last one (which is the one so many people without psychological disorders do have). I like having attention on me for the most part because I find it's safer in the lime-light. I will irritate the hell out of people sometimes when I'm really anxious because I want them to keep communicating with me.

However, if they don't communicate enough to ease my anxiety I will avoid them with a sudden totality until they approach me again. Which is why I'm actually attracted to hyper people more than those who are chill. I used to be the only one who could talk to this one girl on the bus (during high-school) who was usually high on something speedy. She tired me out, but I could never find a spot in the interaction where I said/did something wrong because she did all the talking!

I also have always liked hearing other people's problems because I thought if nothing else it makes me a good person to hear them out and try to make them feel better.