Social Withdrawal

[rallynut78]

The thing I have liked most about this forum has been finding that i am not alone in the symptoms i am dealing with. also I've found out things that i didn't know were symptoms. I'm wondering if anyone can relate to this.

This may be a combat related ptst symptom but since i have been home I have slowly become less able to deal with other people. I have nearly cut out all of the friends I had before I left and stopped communication with most of my family back on the east coast. the thing is I don't necissarialy want to cut them out I just find myself either unable to relate or, more often, unwilling to put up with them. the latter point is the most difficult because I used to be a very laid back dude able to get along with anyone.

I figure I'm not alone in this and I'm hoping that others experinces will give me some perspective into this.

 

[Marlene]

Rallynut,

For a long time, I've wanted nothing to do with the people who are outside of my day-to-day contact (i.e. family, co-workers, etc.). And even those sometimes got to be too much. I've felt very socially withdrawn for the last two years now (since PTSD symptoms went full blown).

Recently I've started doing very, very occasional things with casual friends. The most is going for some speciality hot chocolate sometimes after my fencing class. This may not seem like much, but it's felt like a big deal for me to actually volunteer to put myself out there...so to speak.

As I've healed I've made myself do things that I would have totally shunned away from before. It happens. Small steps at a time, but it does happen.

I'm still very touchy (for lack of a better word) about dealing with other people. I really have to be in the frame of mind to even attempt it. If not, I just don't because it becomes overwhelming very quickly.

No, you're not alone. But this is a battle we fight for ourselves to find that middle ground of between who we were to who we are now.

Lisa

 

[SweetpinNH]

After spending four months at home with little face-to-face to contact with co-workers I had to spend 9 hours in a sales meeting on Monday. Thankfully DH was there too. By the end of the day I was exhausted even though all I did was sit and listen to everyone else talk. There was too much activity going on in the room for me. Thankfully it was the last time I have to attend a meeting for the company.

I'm wondering if I'll be able to handle working outside of the home again. I've become accustomed to just having me and DH around.

I even have days where I feel overwhelmed by the email I get from on-line groups and blogs. I'll read all of it, but I have no desire to participate in the discussions.

I don't think you are alone in your feelings.

 

[reallydown]

I have periods when I can go out with friends...but even then I'm often out o fit and not able to listen to what they're saying...especially if we're in a group...I just isolate myself and hardly talk to anyone...Other times...I have enough trouble with family etc...and if a friend calls I'll either make somehting up about why I "can't" go out or I'll straight out say I don't feel like it...or, on the worse days, I get bitchy and tell them to go away before they even have a chance to ask...

 

[Seychelle]

I was ok with socialising for the past few years, even when I was really struggling with flashbacks (before that, I had several years when I was completely asocial).

I had a meltdown earlier this year though, after someone who had assaulted me years ago turned up at my house drunk and yelling abuse. Since then, I rarely socialise, maybe once every couple of months (last year it was a couple of times a week and I mostly enjoyed it). I've even mostly withdrawn from my online friends (on another site). It's hard. I chat a bit at work, that's about all my socialising at the moment.

 

[Grama-Herc]

I think isolation is one of the biggest affects this mess has on use. It has appeared throughout the forum and it's various threads. We all suffer from some form of it and various levels.

I have been socially isolated since 1997. Not good for me I know, but I simply can not handle people in my space or anywhere near me.

At times I don't see my mother for a day or 2 and we live together. I just stay in my room.

To me, this part of PTSD is the cruelest.

 

[Mina]

the thing is I don't necissarialy want to cut them out...

This was actually one of my big "tip-offs" that something was really wrong before I was diagnosed: I kept cutting people out, and I didn't *want* to cut them out. And when I tried to be better, it only got worse and worse.

Starting therapy and starting to really dig in and work through my trauma has been what's helped me most. I'm still way more anti-social than I used to be, but am improving. I still can't deal with much drama, though, but there are some drama-queens I can't avoid completely...like the receptionist at work. She's a nice enough girl, but damn does she need to shut up and grow up. Since I have to work with her, I am trying to be careful about interacting with her and really working on just letting it go in one ear and out the other. Some days easier said than done. :rolleyes:

 

[pandora]

I relate so much to this thread...I used to have an IMMENSE social group Now...MY SON..and his friends and of course brief contact with their parents. It is almost like I sabotage relations ships before the person dies on me, or lies to me, hits me, assaults me.........it is hard to beleive that our past doesn't predict our history....it really makes me think that mine has in some ways just made me have to work so hard to change the damaged parts of me, it can be and is exhausting. Workable but you have to be a strong person love and function with this disordr especially when little outside help is there or available......in my case......I have pushed sooooo many people ways. The scary thing...I really don't mind this and I prefer to be alone....I am feel like I am going to die a lonely ond woman. Sorry.....didn't mean to highjack the thread, i just got a little carried away.

 

[Bettespaghetti]

I too can relate. I used to love to go out to the club with my friends and have turned down more and more invitations especially recently. I find myself withdrawing from my friends and staying close to home. I find myself pushing people away as well. How much is due to the fear of losing them, (my BF passed away earlier this year quiet unexpectedly), or fear of being hurt?????

It is so hard to fight doing this. It is definitely less risky to not let others close.

 

[JustJane]

I have found that I am my own worst enemy. I tend to avoid making friends and any friends I had in the past are simply gone. I walked away of slammed the door on them (figuratively speaking). My problem is that I like talking to and with people. And I almost always say too much... enough to give them the ammunition to say something hurtful.

 

[awedding]

Thank you so much for posting this thread. It helps me "normalize" my isolation.

 

[rallynut78]

The scary thing...I really don't mind this and I prefer to be alone....I am feel like I am going to die a lonely ond woman. Sorry.....didn't mean to highjack the thread, i just got a little carried away.

that scares me too:dontknow: that's not a hijack that'd dead on!

my mom is coming next weekend and I was worried that if she did her typical routine (caddy comments about the cleanliness of the house then getting drunk) that I would suggest to her that she would be more comfortable in a hotel. My wife tried to tell her to behave in the most diplomatic way she could but it didn't go over well. she and my uncle who raised me in my teen years are the only ones I keep in contact with out of my entire family. she's on thin ice with the drinking. we'll see what happens.

Thank you so much for posting this thread. It helps me "normalize" my isolation.

glad it helps. I have found a lot of help in seeing what is normal to be dealing with and in some of the success that folks have had in dealing with the issues!