Social Withdrawal

[morgan]

I suffer from social withdrawal as much as anybody I guess BUT I'm trying to do something about it.

Right now, I am at my brothers house in Oregon. HUGE step for me, visiting relatives. I also started calling them on the phone when I am at home.

I only have one maybe two friends and they are both long distance relationships. There is nobody local except maybe members of my ptsd group and we don't socialize outside the group.

It get's lonely sometimes but it is easier than trying to maintain close friendships all the time. Slowly I may make other friends but this is good enough for now.

 

[UmightKnowMe]

I can so relate! In any given week the only people that I know and come into face to face contact with are my husband, our son, my therapist and the receptionist in her office. I do not have any friends who come by the house, if I was to plan a party I wouldnt have anyone to invite. I WANT to have friends (at least I think I do) but I know that having friends exhausts me too. Having friends means I have to amp up my level of functioning and keep it there long term. I have to be out of bed and showered and dressed by a socially acceptable hour, I have to have my house in some sort of shape in case someone comes over, I have to have food and drink in the fridge and any nasty stuff thrown away, I have to be in a sociable state of mind. The list goes on. I can do any one of those things for a week or so on an isolated basis....but ALL of them ALL the time seems overwhelming to me. I had therapy today and came home and slept for hours because it just wears me out being 'on' for that long. If I have too long a list of errands after I get about 2 finished I am filled with this 'I gotta go home NOW' feeling.

I have pushed myself to get into a bowling league and I even enjoy myself a LOT and look forward to it...but I dont have friends that extend past that once a week thing...and that is so scripted and predictable I can manage it.

So yeah....I am another one on my own island, sending smoke signals to the others. Good thing we all speak the same language huh?

 

[jillspeedy]

Not to hijack the thread, but how has anyone gotten over social withdrawal? I have started counseling and I mentioned that I socially isolate myself. It stems from my trauma almost 20 year ago. I have friends that are older than me but I am afraid of making friendships with people that are my age because of the trauma that I suffered.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[trial'n'error]

When I was younger I was an almost manically gregarious, "party girl" who ran around with a million people superficially, but didn't really know anybody.

Nowadays, the few people with whom I have positive social contact (outside my household, that is) I cannot bring myself to trust. I'm almost always paranoid about their secret negative thoughts about me and if I don't watch it I start thinking "What does this person want from me that they are acting like my friend?" or "They are going to reject me eventually" which seems more often than not to turn into some sort of self fulfilling prophecy. It takes all my effort just to take compliments at face value and react "appropriately" ie. happily, as opposed to suspiciously.

 

[Spaniard]

Rallynut78, I too have shared the experiences you describe and the realisation has been a long time coming.

I came home about 15 years ago and since then have been withdrawing from friends, family and loved ones until all I had was myself, my wife and our daughter.

Following my diagnosis 2 years ago I have started receiving treatment and have been able to reflect and analyse my life since my return and I find that I have been running away, not only from those who love & care about me, but also from responsibility, work in fact anything that has any sort of demand on me. Making calls, writing letters/emails and keeping in touch seemed to be too demanding and a task I could not maintain and the anxiety that also went along with maintaining friendships was quite overwhelming.

This is a major change to the happy go lucky person I was before, and it has caused much suffering to a lot of people, especially my first 2 wives and our children, none of whom I am able to maintain any contact with. Nowadays, my “best friends” are contacts on the Internet who I can communicate with and these relationships do not carry the same burdens as “real life” friendships.

Recently a couple of old buddies have got back in contact with me and I find that they too are going through the same experiences and have ended up in very similar situations. It seems many veterans suffer the same or similar withdrawal symptoms so you are not alone.

 

[Stephen]

The thing I have liked most about this forum has been finding that i am not alone in the symptoms i am dealing with. also I've found out things that i didn't know were symptoms. I'm wondering if anyone can relate to this.

This may be a combat related ptst symptom but since i have been home I have slowly become less able to deal with other people. I have nearly cut out all of the friends I had before I left and stopped communication with most of my family back on the east coast. the thing is I don't necissarialy want to cut them out I just find myself either unable to relate or, more often, unwilling to put up with them. the latter point is the most difficult because I used to be a very laid back dude able to get along with anyone.

I figure I'm not alone in this and I'm hoping that others experinces will give me some perspective into this.

Hello, i can really relate to this. I find myself saying no to going anywhere now. I seem cold. I didn't even go to my uncles funeral. I won't go to weddings or anywhere. I have been cutting myself off from everything.

I also cannot travel beyond a certain point now. If i go past a certain point i feel i won't get back.

It is like the world has become a psychological war zone.

Where even going shopping is a battle of wits.

Worst thing of all is - i feel like i am a total fraud!!!!

I haven't even been in a real war.

I have got burnt out from psychological warfare in corporate big business. So, i have been exposed to "subconcious terrorism", but in a different context. Does anyone know a way out?

Stephen (Nowhere in England)

 

[UmightKnowMe]

I'm almost always paranoid about their secret negative thoughts about me

Boy I can sure relate to that too. I am constantly worrying about what all the other people around me are thinking about me. And it is a very hard thing to learn...and I have to be reminded of it often, but more often then not the truth is that they ARENT thinking about ME at all! They are planning their dinner menu or trying to remember if they left the iron on or what was that person's name again? I guess what helped me figure this out the best (my therapists have been trying to get this through my skull forEVER!) was when my son was telling me about how he was worried that so and so were thinking something about him. I told him that most teenagers his age are spending most of their time worrying about what OTHER people think about THEM....if my son is on their radar it is because they worry what HE is thinking. It is weird realizing that I actually AM like other people. I have had this view of myself since elementary school that I am not like other people.