Social withdrawal

[AMkHz01]

The older I get the more I just seem to withdraw from anything social. I'm single and it looks like it will stay that way since I don't trust people and keep to myself, mostly.

When I was younger if anything seemed negative, or like it was going to turn negative, I, generally, withdrew until things died down. I would stay home or sit in my room. Now, I'm middle aged and would rather just avoid people altogether since it feels like people just are mean or rude or judgemental, all the time.

A couple of months ago I quit a volunteer job helping effect change in the area of family violence. I am a survivor of an awful upbringing. I do like helping others, especially those who are also survivors of abuse or trauma. I had to quit though. Some of the others seemed to treat it as a contest and were making the environment so unpleasant that I just couldn't do it anymore. If someone would share their experiences, some would try to discount that person's experiences, "Mine was worse than yours" kinda garbage. Or they would treat it as a contest for their own self interest. They were just there for appearance's sake. To make themselves look good in the eyes of the community, but they really couldn't care less about helping anyone.

Well, that was my last attempt at "social". People just seem turn good things into rubbish, and very quickly. I'll still buy a coffee for the homeless person I see on the street. I'll still help the person in a wheelchair by getting something off the top shelf in the supermarket, for them. But, I can't do working with other people anymore. So many have ended up stabbing me in the back or letting me down when the chips were down. I've worked for various organisations in the Welfare sector. One place, some of the staff were stealing from the food aide pantry. It just makes me sick to see people being so selfish.

I know it's the PTSD talking, but it just feels like for every 100 people, only 1 is good. So now I'm on my country property wishing it was an island so I don't have to deal with people anymore. :(

 

[ILoveLife]

I can relate. I've done a lot of volunteer work in the mental health community and always find most people cold hearted. I also find a lot of "my situation is worse than yours" kind of thing around. Had to cut a lot of people from my life because of that.
I think most people put this judgemental facade so they keep their emotional distance from some things that are emotionally draining. I try not to take it personally though, it's their issue, for them to solve not me.

I do understand the need to be an island, but at the same time complete isolation can make symptoms worse. Do you have close friends? I try to be with mine at least once a month or every two weeks now. It's a deal I made with myself not to succumb to complete isolation.

 

[anonymous]

I often think to myself that usually mean people have lots of friends And kind people don't or have very few. I think it's true that the majority of people in the world are very unpleasant people.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Solitude (and nature) is my best friend and helps me more healthily take care of myself. I still go out and interact and do acts of kindness, etc., but only on my terms now, rather than trying to help others through the multiple broken systems already in place.

I'm a recovering state employee and very active volunteer who sacrificed a huge chunk of her life trying to support and improve such a shytstem, supposedly put into place to help others. Having a front row seat behind multiple scenes is often all it takes to realize why the state of things are as dire as they've become.

I've drastically changed my lifestyle to a whole foods plant-based consumption scene, thanks to a medical emergency, also eliminating caffeine and alcohol, which isn't recognized and rarely respected or appreciated in many, if any, typical social scenes, so that adds yet another level of discomfort in trying to be social.

On really good days, I'll go interact with places and faces and try to spread some joy and kind loving awareness every chance I get. I like to volunteer to help farmers and other healing practitioners in the arenas that help enrich my life. That seems to give me more motivation to keep paying it forward.

Other days, I venture out and simply make it a point to smile or share genuine compliments with others I cross paths with. Other days, I make homeless packs to share with anyone in need. Other days I take extra food and garden goodies to share with whoever I'm drawn to share with. Other days I share hula hoops I make to bring a smile. Other days, just stepping into a crowded or active space is way too overwhelming and just isn't a good idea, at all, which makes trying to follow a schedule rather difficult.

I'm also super sensitive to any artificial scent, which a lot of folks seem to enjoy marinating in, cleaning with, laundering their clothing in, etc., so I must navigate very cautiously. Many say it isn't healthy to avoid that many things, but I happen to be a living example (luckily still living, thanks to changing my lifestyle) of it not being healthy to continue to try to pretend all that shit being spoon fed and highly marketed to us is anywhere near being "normal", especially as it relates to how our bodies actually function.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I am alone too, and I love it. Been divorced since the 80's and dated after that, but not for the past 17 yrs. I don't do the bar scene, I don't like sports, and I can't stand drama in my family, so I stay away. I love the solitude, I love the quiet, I love that I don't have to listen to the drama.

My BFF of 35 yr, just walked away from our friendship because I said something very benign about the president. It's been about 6 weeks of pure quiet. Looking back on the friendship, what I've seen is an unhealthy friendship based on our times of 30 yrs ago when we did nothing but get drunk and being stupid. I'm way beyond that. She isn't. I also don't have to listen about her narcissistic husband anymore either.

Honestly I don't think it's bad to be alone, for me it was a choice. It's not for everyone, but I enjoy it. I hope that you can find a solution or some kind of middle ground that works for you!!!!