Somatic Memories- there has to be an end to this. Anyone found it?

[NotGivingUp]

Going crazy with repressed memories coming out.

Got childhood sexual trauma and then went to see a therapist who lied about her license in another country and I actually had gone for cultural issues.

She sent me to a psych that completely took advantage of me, placed me on tranquillisers even though I had no symptoms at that time and those drugs induced a full blown depression, I got raped on them by a third party I was manipulated by. Fell for the manipulation because these drugs shut down my cognition completely. I was living a coma.

Now I’m having memories while sleeping, like literally waking up with someone touching me and in my private part feeling like this frozen there’s so much sensation it’s extremely uncomfortable.

This can’t be real. There has to be a solution to this. Please no T recommendations, it’s a huge trigger.

 

[Movingforward10]

It can get better.

Firstly, I'm sorry you went through that.

Grounding helps a lot. Takes *a lot* of practice, in my opinion. But it makes a difference.
When you're experiencing things like that it is your brain telling you you are in danger, when actually you are not. So , even if you don't believe it and can't feel it, telling yourself you are safe and reorientating yourself to the safety of the here and now, will help. And because feeling safe feels untrue, that's why it takes practice to believe it.

So, what helps you orientate to the here and now?

Things that help me:
Speaking out loud (hearing my adult voice helps me realise I'm an adult, that may or may not work for you).
Stroking my arm.
Holding something tactile.
If I can: moving my body.
Music.
Nature.

 

[arfie]

gentle empathy and steadying support, notgiv. i started this phase of my recovery in the late 80's. the quickest way out which i found was straight on through. when going through hell, keep your head down and just keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

the good news is that the hard work paid off in my own case. those ugly memories are still with me, but i can now treat them like stains on the sidewalk: still ugly as sin, but i can walk over them without tripping. i still suffer episodes on occasion, but only on occasion and their passage is far less painful. all the mind-twisting antics i used to pull in hopes of avoidance now feel like tremendous wastes of energy.

healing happens. i hope it happens to you.

 

[BuildingSelf24]

Going crazy with repressed memories coming out.

Got childhood sexual trauma and then went to see a therapist who lied about her license in another country and I actually had gone for cultural issues.

She sent me to a psych that completely took advantage of me, placed me on tranquillisers even though I had no symptoms at that time and those drugs induced a full blown depression, I got raped on them by a third party I was manipulated by. Fell for the manipulation because these drugs shut down my cognition completely. I was living a coma.

Now I’m having memories while sleeping, like literally waking up with someone touching me and in my private part feeling like this frozen there’s so much sensation it’s extremely uncomfortable.

This can’t be real. There has to be a solution to this. Please no T recommendations, it’s a huge trigger.

I definitely relate to those sensations having been sexually assaulted in my sleep. It’s rough. I’m really sorry that happened to you.

I can tell you that what works for me is reminding myself that I am not there anymore. I remind myself that the assault is not happening currently and will not happen again. Those specific circumstances that led to the assault will not happen again. It’s too improbable for all things to line up exactly the same again. I usually stop feeling the sensations once I’ve reminded myself enough times that it clicks.

Orienting yourself to the present is essential so your mind and body knows that it doesn’t have to react as if it’s being assaulted in the present. It cuts down on the distress.

 

[sidptitala]

Going crazy with repressed memories coming out.

Now I’m having memories while sleeping, like literally waking up with someone touching me and in my private part feeling like this frozen there’s so much sensation it’s extremely uncomfortable.

This exact thing happened to me a year ago and it was horrible. I'm so sorry you're experiencing that, it's awful.

Things are a lot better now for me. It helped to write down exactly what happened and what I was feeling (it took me months to do this). Then eventually, to try to identify what I most need to hear in that moment. I tried out a few different things and went with whatever made me feel relief. (For me, this was 'it will be easier if you lie still' 'you're doing really well' 'i'll reward you afterwards with swimming/looking at flowers etc' and 'you're right, this is wrong and you don't need to explain that').

These are the things I say to myself now when this happens to me. And it really helps.

 

[Friday]

Now I’m having memories while sleeping, like literally waking up with someone touching me and in my private part feeling like this frozen there’s so much sensation it’s extremely uncomfortable.

If they’re just while you’re sleeping, there’s a blood pressure med with the quirky side effect that people don’t remember their dreams/nightmares. It’s called Prazosin.

If it’s happening whilst awake, reliving instead of remembering, are called flashbacks. Tons & tons of tips/tricks/skills for managing those.

Please no T recommendations, it’s a huge trigger.

It’s entirely possible to manage PTSD down to asymptomatic without therapy. It just means working on your own, instead of with someone.

 

[Rose White]

Without the possibility of therapy I’d probably try to live immersed in nature for as long as necessary. The less ties to my culture the better. Vow of poverty or silence, something like that.

 

[oh!theperspicacity]

I get triggered every time i have sex now despite having no memories of sexual trauma. So conflicting and confusing. But grounding techniques like focusing on breathing (count to 3 breathing in and count to 5 breathing out) or wiggling my toes and focusing on the sensation, telling myself that the person I'm having sex with is not my abuser etc all help but there's also a thing called the dive response. It's where you hold your breath and place a cold pack on your forehead and it helps to calm the nerve system. Exercise also helps. Perhaps keeping a jump rope by your bed or getting out of bed and doing some jumping jacks?

 

[Quassus]

A good therapist. EMDR has been doing wonders for me. I used to freeze up etc too. It's gotten better and better.