I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I hear you.
I read Peter Levine (US trauma therapist)'s book called "Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma" and it made a huge difference to me. I recommend getting a copy if you can. The book is about somatic experiencing (SE). I'm in the UK, where SE isn't common and the nearest practitioner I could find at that time was 500 miles away (ie, inaccessible). However, this led to me to SE's very close relative, craniosacral therapy (CST) and that helped me enormously. CST uses the same principles, but the therapist works with whatever they sense coming up in the body, rather than the client consciously presenting a memory to work on.
So, I'm talking about CST, and of course only my own personal experience. This therapy, done with a well-trained and experienced therapist, was a real breakthrough for me. I still need talk therapy, and I still have a long way to go. Because I had multiple traumas starting at birth, and I'm now dealing with the long term effects as well as the trauma itself, CST couldn't fix everything. But I reckon the one year of weekly CST treatments helped me a great deal in themselves and then actually made it possible for me to even have talk therapy in the first place.
So I can't talk about SE particularly, but this type of somatic therapy generally - I would definitely recommend. It works with your central nervous system and cell/muscle memory directly. It can bypass your thought processes - which can often get in the way - and communicate with your system at the level of the fight/flight/freeze response, which is where trauma originates.
There are some older threads here about somatic experiencing - if you search on these keywords you might find something helpful.
My only possible reservation about somatic experiencing is that it does involve some deliberate reliving of an event. Many people see this as an integral part of trauma therapy, and it should be done in a safe way - the whole point is to resolve the memory and make it safe for you. Not having had this myself, I can't comment other than to say that I noticed that in "Healing the Tiger", Levine starts to consider that reliving the event may not even be necessary. This is the CST approach. I never had to relive any trauma, never had to talk about it or even think about it. That was important to me, it may not be to other people. If you already have particular trauma memories which are haunting you, it may be very helpful.
Another thing I'd say is that you need to be prepared to take care of yourself through any therapy. CST didn't ask me to process trauma directly, but a lot came up for me between sessions emotionally. A lot of somatic stuff also came up - especially shaking (a release of long-held trauma energy). Also, waking up sweating - not from night terrors but from a more gentle processing. That part I loved, although it was weird at first. I loved feeling trauma energy leaving me.
Finally, like any other therapy, I'd have somatic therapy for trauma only with someone trained, licensed and with substantial experience of my kind of trauma. The first CST therapist I saw was a very kind and sympathetic person who I had trust in, and she was properly trained but she didn't have enough trauma experience. I had to find someone else who really knew what they were doing. I'd recommend the same for an SE therapist.
I realise I had CST and not SE, but the basic principles are the same. I'd like to give you hope because somatic therapy has been a very big part of my healing journey. It has helped me so much.
