Sufferer Soooo... i'm a mess - domestic violence & 2 mvas

[Happyplace76]

Sooo....

My son was run over by a car in January, (survived minimum physical injuries, but traumatic for me), lost my job first week in February, due to ice on road, crashed into a highway berm wall a few weeks after that, (I had a slight concussion for a few days but my son was miraculously ok - God really honestly saved us, but I honestly thought we were going to die - closed my eyes before we hit the wall. A few weeks after that I left a sociopath/psychopathic (for real, serious mental/emotional damage) I'm a mess. I can only describe it as hell. Working with two therapists, one of which is a trauma focused therapist through the local women's DV shelter. I'm losing everything though, feel like I'm barely hanging on for dear life, the hyperarousal/vigilance is like crawling out of my skin. Then next minute I can't do anything - frozen. Jumping out of my skin at every sound. This is absolute hell and I feel like nobody really understands. I'm getting to the point where I'm sick of talking about it, just waiting for the next catastrophe honestly. I'm praying that I sleep tonight. The awful community health practice changed me from Lexapro to Zoloft 50mg, Seroquel 25mg prn 4X day, Prazosin 1mg at night. Started it Friday, woke up a few times, took my son hiking, GREAT day - first time him and I had been out since leaving over a month ago... and I couldn't sleep last night because my heart was racing. I just want this to stop. Can't see my psychiatrist until the 24th, I feel helpless, alone, and like I can't get the medical care I need. I am a fairly intelligent, strong 41 woman and I feel like I've lost everything, including my trust of the world. Thanks for reading. See my trauma therapist tomorrow so that's good.

 

[Mytime]

Hi @Happyplace76 , welcome to the forum :) sorry you have been going through so much lately. I hope you look around the forum. I’m glad you found us for support.

 

[mumstheword]

Wow, shit's been real rough for you!
I'm glad you're here though. I hope you can draw on this forum to support your way
It helps a lot of us, hugely. Looking forward to getting to know you! :-)

 

[Happyplace76]

Sooo....

My son was run over by a car in January, (survived minimum physical injuries, but trauma...

Wow, shit's been real rough for you!
I'm glad you're here though. I hope you can draw on this forum...

Thank you, it's truly like being in a nightmare. I never thought God could allow this much. Still figuring out how to use this site :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[Still Standing]

So glad you found this forum. You are experiencing so much and the PTSD is not being nice to you. Thank your for introducing yourself. You are going to find many people here who understand so much of what you are going through. This is a good place to talk, rant, ask questions, and receive encouragement. It is a safe place to land. You need support and you will find it here. I am sorry for the traumas and the huge change in your life. That is way too much to be able to walk easily through. But, you will get there. And you have your son to help give you incentive to continue forward on those days when the stress gets hard. I am glad you are involved with two mental health folk who are going to be able to help you walk through this. Sorry you had to find us because of PTSD but glad you did. We are all here to walk with you if you would like.

 

[littleoc]

I'm so glad you found this site. This is a perfect place for you to heal.

Welcome :)

 

[Still Standing]

God allows so much that we don't understand. Often times, the troubles and heartaches and loss try our faith but I have found that many of the terrible things I have gone through, give me opportunity to comfort and encourage someone else going through similar stuff. I know that if God had not protected me in lots of it, I would be dead, today. If we had not known what trauma does, we would not be able to help someone else in similar circumstances. Though I do not understand the why's of things, I do know that I have faith in one that does. How this all works in the larger plan, I don't know. But, as long as I know I can trust God to do and allow what is best for me, whether I like the process or not, is enough to hang my trust hat on. Is it easy? No. I cry and whine with the best of them. But when push comes to shove, I know I am not walking through this alone. Apparently, you know this, too. I encourage you to keep hanging on to your faith. It's not a waste of time or effort.

 

[Happyplace76]

So glad you found this forum. You are experiencing so much and the PTSD is not being nice to yo...

Thank you so much, my mind is all over the place right now - I think I'm going to call my GP tomorrow because I'm wondering if maybe it was the Zoloft that was causing the racing heart last night? I took the Seroquel tonight and the prazosin a little while ago... I think I need my therapist to go over some of these coping things in session rather than a print out. I'm worried that I'm losing my mind - if my paranoia is a normal response etc... thank you again. I think my son is the only reason I'm still here... even remotely wanting to fight again. I've been under extreme stress for a year now, and the last few months were just too much for my mind to bear I think. I'll be back thanks again.

God allows so much that we don't understand. Often times, the troubles and heartaches and loss...

Yes my faith is hanging by a string as well. Praying for everything... thank you so much for sharing your faith, it was comforting tonight! God Bless!!

 

[Tinyflame]

Welcome to you @Happyplace76 . i hope this one will become one of those places for you too. :hug:

 

[Happyplace76]

Saw my therapist today. I couldn't even get into the place to learn some coping/grounding techniques because of all the misfiring of my brain. She let me know that was normal, I did finally go the ER (Been putting it off because I hate the ER but some people concerned about me made me go). Testing all came back ok - so heart's ok, vitals are ok, but heart rate is up, and BP is probably pushing it during a panic attack at home. It probably isn't the meds but just continuous panic attacks/hyperarousal. Today was a rough day. They did give me some Ativan for the next few days for when it gets too much to bear. Just have to give meds a chance :(

Thank you for all of you that took the time out to encourage me and share, welcome me. I was emotionally drained last night but your support was encouraging. It is good to know that I'm really not going crazy, even when it feels like it. R

 

[Still Standing]

Thanks for the update. Get some rest. Let that heart rate come back down. And it is nice to know that you are not going crazy. You are experiencing the rollercoaster portion of PTSD. Not fun, at all. Having contact with the therapist is good. She will know how to help you learn how to ground and calm yourself. It will take practice. I am in the learning stages of this and though I fall off the grounding wagon more than I want to admit, it is still comforting to know that there are options to try to calm myself. These technigues are something I can do instead of sitting and letting my brain play havoc with my thoughts, all the time. I am so glad you are here on the forum. It will give you a place to come to for yakking, comfort, education and so much more. Here is a "no-touch-me" hug :):)! Rest well...:sleep::sleep::sleep:.