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Spiritual Abuse From Toxic Christianity.

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You are so funny. It is a situation where a long distance dad is visiting his daughter. My daughter is playing on her I Pad and I am here for a distraction. I really appreciate the support. Still calm and balanced. I will go with the flow and trust my gut instincts. I am doing much better than I thought I would.
 
I can totally relate to the bible thumping christians. I was living in Mississippi when my daughter died and they came out of the wood work to explain to me about 'God's Plan' and how he need another angel, how I should learn to forgive and love the one who slipped up and did the devil's work. I honestly believe they only came out and said this to me when they did because I was too drugged up to smack people. Ha! I'm not Jesus, I will not forgive!

There is a great song about about christian abuse called I'm Not Jesus.

"And the innocence you spoil
Found a way to live.
If God is looking down on me!
I'm not Jesus
I will not forgive!"
 
Here's my 'favourite' incident - which happened 3 years ago.

A female member of the congregation had had been raped 15 years earlier and had never really processed it. It happened on the beach and she had never gone back to that part of the beach. So, the minister gave her 'rape counselling' and took her back to the spot ands. Her marriage was in trouble and so she - not unexpectedly became overly dependent emotionally. He sent her highly inappropriate emails - and she thought they were in love. Then his wife discovered some of this and the minister did a turnaround and accused my friend of a sinister Fatal Attraction type obsession with him. All her attempts to defend herself made her look delusional / obsessed / not quite right in the head. The minister then went to the church council who hand delivered a letter to my friend - which stipulated that she was not allowed to contact him in any way and to seek psychological treatment. She was subsequently referred to as 'Jezebel' - an instrument of Satan (gasp!) to destroy (double gasp!) the church.

I had seen some of the emails he had sent her, and I stood up for her. Ha! The minister had discredited me by saying I was hopelessly in love with my friend (WTF?) and that I would say or do anything for her. So, the more I tried to defend her, the worse it looked for her. Very, very clever strategy.

It was a very traumatic time for my friend - her marriage was at an end, she dealt with the rape, and the person she trusted betrayed her horrendously, the small community where we live turned against her.

But, there is a happy ending. In April she got married to a REALLY nice man whom her kids totally adore. The minister is still in an unhappy marriage and preaches to a dwindling flock. Not unexpectedly, my friend is still not 'over' the incident - she still has a lot of anger and resentment. We are both still secretly hoping something really awful will happen to him. (We're not good Christians :D)
 
@Pencil - I 'liked' your post but I hated the content, if that makes sense?!

Thank you for sharing the history. This 'switch' technique is so, so common from those in 'authority' and taking advantage of vulnerable people is epidemic, certainly in the UK's NHS and amongst therapists.

In fact it's very similar to what an abusive therapist did to me. What she didn't realise is that I'd accidentally voice recorded some of the meetings and didn't have a leg to stand on in the end. The Court believed me. Though that wasn't before this abusive therapist had written hundreds of pages of totally fabricated and untrue 'evidence' in which she portrayed me as your friend was.

It added horrendously to the chronic trauma and I still suffer terrifying nightmares and flashbacks because of this appalling woman on top of the original PTSD.

My takeway from the whole thing: ALWAYS voice record all appointments/meetings with therapists and other professionals. And do not trust any of the regulatory bodies - they're not here for service users.
 
And do not trust any of the regulatory bodies

Indeed. I gave the barest outline of the story above - there's a lot that I didn't even mention, such as her endless and fruitless struggle at the highest level of the church (the Synod) - where all the men sided with the minister. Although they kinda agreed that he was slightly, er, sort of ... you know, aah, vaguely perhaps guilty of a little something by not having 'followed procedure' by holding disciplinary hearing in her absence and without ever informing her beforehand of such a hearing (witch hunt?) and blah blah, he was simply asked to retract the HEARING ('it never happened') - not the content he took to the hearing. WTF??

I'm so sorry you went through that with a therapist. I witnessed the devastation something like can cause.
 
Groupthink
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Groupthink is a psychological phenomenon that occurs within a group of people, in which the desire for harmony or conformity in the group results in an irrational or dysfunctional decision-making outcome. Group members try to minimize conflict and reach a consensus decision without critical evaluation of alternative viewpoints, by actively suppressing dissenting viewpoints, and by isolating themselves from outside influences.

Loyalty to the group requires individuals to avoid raising controversial issues or alternative solutions, and there is loss of individual creativity, uniqueness and independent thinking. The dysfunctionalgroup dynamics of the "ingroup" produces an "illusion of invulnerability" (an inflated certainty that the right decision has been made). Thus the "ingroup" significantly overrates its own abilities in decision-making, and significantly underrates the abilities of its opponents (the "outgroup"). Furthermore groupthink can produce dehumanizing actions against the "outgroup".

Antecedent factors such as group cohesiveness, faulty group structure, and situational context (e.g., community panic) play into the likelihood of whether or not groupthink will impact the decision-making process.

Groupthink is a construct of social psychology, but has an extensive reach and influences literature in the fields of communication studies, political science,management, and organizational theory,[1] as well as important aspects of deviant religious cult behaviour.[2][3]

Groupthink is sometimes stated to occur (more broadly) within natural groups within the community, for example to explain the lifelong different mindsets of conservatives versus liberals.,[4] or the solitary nature of introverts[5] However, this conformity of viewpoints within a group does not mainly involve deliberate group decision-making, and thus is perhaps better explained by the collective confirmation bias of the individual members of the group.

Most of the initial research on groupthink was conducted by Irving Janis, a research psychologist from Yale University.[6] Janis published an influential book in 1972, which was revised in 1982.[7][8] Later studies have evaluated and reformulated his groupthink model.[9][10]
 
Thanks for this thread, Gizmo. I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with Christianity. I am reading and identifying with the first hand reports. I wanted to add the groupthink information to this because I think it is relevant. Sure, typical churches don't use the tactic on purpose, but I believe they do fall into the groupthink trap when they are dealing with a very difficult decision.

I can't seem to find the correct words to express it, but I must say something regarding how groupthink would be a part of any social group... but, that it is surely more toxic when combined with a deity.
 
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I had not heard of toxic christianity until reading about it here on this board, and it's definitely something I will be doing some research on, at some point.

Back when I was trying to go back to school, in my sociology class my professor told us about a culture of people, in ancient times, when religion and spirituality was being formed amongst most other groups of people...these people instead had no gods or beings greater than themselves that they believed in. Instead, if something good happened, it was because they caused it for themselves... if something bad happened it was because they did something to cause it. But for the most part, these people felt that they did a lot of good and prided themselves on it. Because they didn't give thanks to a "greater power" they were seen as egotistical.

Anyone know what I'm talking about? I was so intrigued by this but I was going through a hard time, dropped the class, and when I thought about it again, forgot who this group of people was.

My point anyway, is that through my dealings with the church and being in a religious household, I wanted nothing to do with any of that, and could not understand why I could just do the right thing, because it was the right thing to do. Not because some greater power was watching me, not out of fear of going to hell, but simply because..its the right thing to do. And on the same note, being a cop out and blaming the bad on the devil instead of just taking responsibility for what actions I took, my role in whatever was going bad.

I think for many people, religion is like a fight over the internet...being able to hide behind a screen and a keyboard / hiding behind religion to do and say things that no respectable person would. I don't think religion, faith or having something to believe in is a bad thing at all...but far too many people use it as a crutch. When I meet a guy who thinks its a plus to tell me he's a god fearing man, I'm out of there. I would rather date a sociopath than a christian. And considering Ive had experiences with both, thats saying a lot.
 
I wanted to add the groupthink information to this because I think it is relevant.
It is. In the incident I wrote about, I spoke to one of the members of the church council, saying that what the minister had done was wrong. His response was that that may or may not have been the case, but that the council had to keep the minister 'standing, for if he falls the congregation falls'. So I asked him if the annihilation of my friend was simply expedient, and he shrugged.

But can't help wondering if the group think dimension does not absolve the church somewhat.
 
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